(Self-reporting here… I have been helping a family member move. Thanks to bad timing and a trailer tire blowout, I went to bed at 3:30 am after a long hard day. Then I get up again at 9:00 am for another one. We are finally eating lunch around 2:00 pm. I fill a large drink and grab the largest lid on the rack. It doesn’t fit.)

Me: *to employee nearby* “Where are your large lids?”

Employee: “We have them at the counter… Actually, you have one in your hand.”

Me: *shows her that the lid is too small for the cup* “This one doesn’t fit.”

Employee: “In your left hand.”

Me: *looks at other hand, where I am holding the table marker and lid* “… mIt’s been a very long day.”

(I just moved, so I do a Google search for nearby takeout and see an Indian place that has a good review. I place an order online, and the confirmation says my food will be ready in 15 minutes, so I get in my car and head to the restaurant after a few minutes. Before I arrive, my phone rings.)

Me: “Hello?”

Caller: “Hi, I am calling from [Third Party that handles online orders]. We just got a call from [Restaurant] that they are extremely busy and your food will take an hour. Do you want to cancel your order?”

Me: “No, I will just kill some time and pick it up in an hour. Thanks for calling.”

Caller: “Okay, I’ll let the restaurant know.”

(I spend some time familiarizing myself with the area and do a couple of errands, then head to the restaurant. I arrive about an hour and ten minutes after making the original order. The restaurant is completely empty except for a young man at the counter.)

Me: “Hi, I’m here to pick up my carry out order.”

Young Man: “I don’t have anything ready for carry out. I said it would take longer.”

Me: “Yeah, the guy from [Third Party] said an hour, so I waited before coming in.”

Young Man: “Well, I don’t have your food. It’ll take another hour, maybe.”

Me: “What?”

Young Man: “When I gave your order to the cook, he tore it up and said he was too busy. I can ask him to make it now, but I don’t know if he will.”

Me: “So, it hasn’t been started yet?”

Young Man: “No, and I can’t be sure he will make it at all.”

Me: “But I ordered and already paid for it.”

Young Man: “I can’t ask him again; he’ll yell at me. He says he is too busy.”

Me: “Okay. Cancel my order, then, I guess.”

Young Man: “So, you don’t want to wait?”

Me: “How long would I be waiting?”

Young Man: “I don’t know, but if you’re waiting, the cook might make your food.”

Me: “That’s okay, then. Just cancel my order.”

Young Man: “I don’t have to cancel it; I never put it in.”

In my state, you can turn right on red at a traffic light. Unless you have a green arrow to signify the right-of-way — or even the solid green light — you do not have to turn, nor should you if it isn’t safe.

Today, I was at a red light waiting to turn right. I inched forward, saw a car coming from the left, and stopped. Immediately, the driver behind me blared her horn and gestured that she wanted me to turn.

I inched up a little further after the car from the left passed, looking for another car before turning.

Again, the woman behind me blared her horn. I looked in my rear view mirror to see her screaming and giving me both middle fingers. I waved (with my whole hand) and sat there until the light turned green. When it finally did change, I turned and the woman behind me drove up on the shoulder to be beside me. She rolled down her window and screamed, “YOU DUMB C***! LEARN TO DRIVE!”

It was just about that time that a local police officer a few cars behind us turned on his lights and brought her to a stop. I didn’t stick around to see what happened, but I’m guessing I’m not the only one who received some advice about driving.

(During my first week working for a well-known auto retailer, a customer walks in with a lawn mower battery.)

Customer: “I need this charged right away and I will be back in twenty minutes.”

Me: “Sir, this battery requires at least an eight-hour trickle charge. Fast charging will damage this battery and possibly cause it to explode.”

Customer: “Look, I bring all my lawn batteries here and they put it in that machine for fifteen minutes and it is ready to go. I do this twice a week.”

Me: “Okay. I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

Customer: “Man, I wouldn’t lie about it. Trust me.”

(I take battery and place it in charger. Ten minutes later the entire store starts to smell like sulfur and burning metal. I go back to the charger and the battery is swollen to twice its normal size and acid pouring down the sides. The customer comes back and I show him the destroyed battery.)

Customer: “Wow, putting it on fast charge does that?”

Me: “I thought you said you do this all the time here on that charger?”

Customer: “I knew you were new so I figured you didn’t know what you were talking about. So is it okay to trickle charge now?”

Me: “Not now. It is hazardous material and has to be contained and shipped to the battery disposal company.”

Customer: *dumb look on his face* “So I have to buy a new one?”

(A customer comes in to my store on a very busy holiday afternoon. Most of the store is on sale, all of it carefully marked and constantly checked because we have a lot of customers who would be happy to argue about a signage error.)

Me: “Good afternoon! Welcome to [Store]! Are you shopping for a special occasion today?”

Customer: “Do you have any coupons?” *not “Hi,” or “Good afternoon,” or “How are you?” or any other greeting*

Me: “Ma’am, you would have received any current coupons either in your mail, or by email, or text if you are signed up with us. We do not keep coupons in the store.”

(We never have, and anyone who has ever shopped with us knows this, but I have found that doesn’t keep even regular customers from asking anyway.)

Customer: “Hmph!” *points to full run of dresses on a rack with no sales signs* “Is this dress on sale?”

Me: “No, ma’am. All the sales dresses, and everything else on sale, are on racks with signs on top or have a tag hanging on their hanger.”

Customer: “Well, why not?!”

Me: “Ma’am, that’s a brand-new arrival.”

Customer: “Hmph. Well, I’m just looking.”

(She wanders through the store for nearly an hour, slowly collecting clothes and badgering the manager-on-duty and me as to whether each garment was on sale and how much the sale price is, and repeatedly asking about coupons and getting the same answer each time from both of us. After she’s tried on and made her selections, she brings her clothes to the counter and starts digging through her purse while I get the information I need to start ringing up her purchase and begin to do so.)

Customer: “I know I have a [Store] coupon in here! Where is it?” *she dumps what seems like hundreds of mailers from stores and other coupons on my counter* “I had a 15% coupon for this place. That woman! That woman at the [Other Location Store]; she took my coupon. Mm-mm-mmh! She took my coupon!”

(I continue ringing up clothes with a blank but smiling face during this monologue, saying nothing and refusing to take the passive-aggressive hint that I should come up with a coupon code.)

Customer: “Let me ask you something. Why would that woman take my coupon?”

Me: “Ma’am, our coupons work just like at the grocery store or any other store. You can only use them once.”

Customer: *showing absolutely no surprise that she got that answer* “Mmph. I still think I should have a coupon.”

Me: “I’m so sorry you can’t find one. Your total is [total]. You’ve rolled over your reward points with your purchase today; here’s your certificate. Have a great holiday!”

(We found out when clearing the fitting rooms that she’d left all her unwanted clothing in a pile, too. Afterwards, I told the manager-on-duty that there was no way I was going to hunt for a coupon code for her, given her behavior with the two of us before checking out. The MOD said she’d enjoyed watching me refuse to cave in to the woman at the register, and didn’t understand why people couldn’t figure out that being rude wouldn’t get them any favors.)

Related:
The Couponator 8: The Fabric Of Reality
The Couponator 7: The Forgotten Coupon
The Couponator 6: The Coupon Awakens