I was at a downtown chain hotel. My best friend and I were taking our tween daughters to a movie-themed concert a few blocks away, and we needed to leave soon after the cocktail hour started, in order to walk the few blocks, get through security, and find our seats before the show started.

We sent our kids to the food line and jumped into the bar line (because priorities), and the bartender overheard us talking about what would end up being our unused drink tickets, given that we had to leave shortly. 

Immediately, he grabbed two large coffee cups and six pre-poured glasses of wine, explaining:

Bartender: “What you ladies need is the concert special!”

He took our drink tickets, poured three glasses of wine into one large cup, three in the other, slapped coffee cup lids on top, and declared:

Bartender: “You ladies enjoy your ‘coffee’ on your walk down to the arena!”

And then he gave us directions. 

He got a big tip, and we had the means necessary to enjoy a concert full of screaming young girls!

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This story was told to me by my father, who was a medical student in the 1970s. He was interning at a hospital in St. Louis when a woman admitted herself to the ER in advanced labor. She was quickly rushed to the delivery room and had her baby shortly after arriving.

At some point in the ordeal, the woman revealed that she had driven herself to the St. Louis hospital, all the way from New Orleans, Louisiana! She started driving as soon as she felt pains, and as it was her first child, the labor was long enough to last the entire drive.

When asked why she drove nearly 700 miles to St. Louis rather than go to a hospital in Louisiana, she told the doctors that her mother had given birth to her in St. Louis, and she thought that there was a rule that she had to deliver her baby in the same facility where she was born.

I don’t know what happened to her afterward, but I hope someone explained to her that she was not a salmon.

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The Mother Of All Misunderstandings

Many years ago, I attended a boarding school. At this school, we had a procedure for when students left campus for non-school-sponsored reasons. We had to fill out a card saying where we were going, and when we expected to be back. A member of dorm staff had to sign off on it, and then we were free to follow our plans.

One day, a group of friends and I collectively decided to go to McDonald’s for dinner. The group consisted of mostly boys, but also two girls (including myself). The other girl and I dutifully filled out our cards, listing our estimated return time as 6:00, and the dorm staff signed off on it. Off we went to McDonalds, as teenagers do.

Fast forward a few hours to approximately 5:45. We’ve returned to campus, and we’ve stopped at the boys’ dorm because it’s closer. While we’re there, we all decide to watch a DVD together, so the other girl and I call the girls’ dorm to let them know we’re back on campus. We then get this conversation…

Me: “Hey, [Other Girl] and I are back, we’re hanging out at the boys’ dorm.”

Dorm Staff: “What do you mean, you’re back?”

Me: “We’re…back on campus? We went to McDonalds?”

Dorm Staff: “The dorm is closed! You’re supposed to be at the game!”

Me: “What game?”

Dorm Staff: “The [sport] game! It’s required! The bus left at 5:00!”

Me: “Uh…what? Nobody mentioned that to [Other Girl] and me. Why didn’t somebody say something when we put on our cards that we’d be back at 6:00?”

Dorm Staff: “Wait, you did?”

Me: “Yes?”

Dorm Staff: “…”

Me: “…”

Dorm Staff: “Just…stay at the boys’ dorm for now. The girls’ dorm will probably re-open around 9:00.”

Me: “…okay.”

After hanging up, I relay all this to the other girl, who is quite as baffled as I am. We ultimately shrug it off, since neither of us is remotely interested in sports, and the movie would have kept us out that late anyway. As best we can figure, we had sufficient ‘good girl’ reputations that the dorm staff hadn’t actually looked at what they were signing off on.

And for the record, I wasn’t censoring the sport involved. This happened sufficiently far in the past that I honestly don’t remember what the sport was. As I’ve said, I wasn’t interested in sports, and I definitely wasn’t complaining about accidentally avoiding the whole thing. And no, the boys’ dorm wasn’t closed for the game, only the girls’. Which is weird, because I could have sworn it was a boys’ sport, but whatever.

I guess having a robbery happen during an interview isn’t that uncommon.

I was interviewing at a sub sandwich chain. They didn’t have a back room, so I was interviewing with the manager at a table in the customer area.

A man ordered a sandwich, and when it came time to pay, he pulled a pistol on the sandwich artist and said:

Customer: “I think you’ll find that there’s no charge for the sandwich.”

The worker looked at the gun, looked at the guy, looked back at the gun, sighed, and said:

Worker: “No charge for the sandwich.”

The guy walked out with his free sandwich.

The manager, who’d paused the interview to watch events go down like a hawk, clearly ready to do SOMETHING if anything went wrong, though what I have no idea, turned back to me and attempted to pick up the interview as though nothing had happened.

Finally, he asked me if I had any questions.

Me: “Does, uh, does that happen particularly often?”

Manager: “Not that often. Only about… five times since I started working here?”

Me: “How long have you worked here for?”

Manager: “Year and a half, about.”

Me: “Yeah, no. I’m sorry, I’m not comfortable with those odds.”

The manager seemed genuinely confused that I didn’t feel comfortable getting robbed at gunpoint once every three months.

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I work in the fraud unit for a local bank. One of my early morning tasks is to review fraud alerts on the previous day’s deposits. In reviewing one deposited check, it looks outstandingly counterfeit. It was also deposited via mobile deposit, but the login details (IP address, location, phone type, OS, etc) are very different from the customer’s, leading me to suspect he’s given his username and password to someone (who then deposited the fraudulent check).

I contact the customer to get information about how he came to receive the check and I ask him point blank if he gave out his username and password. He says he did. I gently remind him that by giving out that information, anyone can access his accounts and take his money.

Customer: “But isn’t there something you can do about that?”

Me: “Yes, we have fraud monitoring software, but it’s not foolproof. The best thing that can be done is not giving out your login info.”

Customer: “But it seems like there ought to be more you can do to protect me.”

At this point, I’m really not sure what else he expects us to do.

Me: “Well, sir, you are the best first line of defense when it comes to the security of your account—”

Customer: *Cuts me off.* “—It just seems like there ought to be more you can do.”

I’m shaking my head, realizing he doesn’t see how any of this is his responsibility. I wrapped up the phone call, reminded of the phrase: “You just can’t save some people from themselves.”