I am a frequent shopper at a well-known video game store where I actually used to work. One day I received an email that they were having a sale on vinyl figures, something I collect. I had some extra income, so I decided to order some included in the sale.

I placed the order and noticed it would be sent in two shipments. That was perfectly fine, I thought, so I went about my life, frequently checking the tracking page. One package, the one containing fewer of my figures, shipped and even arrived in less than two weeks.

After those two weeks, I noticed the larger of the two hadn’t even been shipped yet, so I decided to call customer service.

I was optimistic. It was not near the holidays so I shouldn’t be on hold long, I thought naively, and even listened with interest to the advertisements for new games they played while I was holding.

Well, forty-five minutes later, that optimism had worn off and I was officially annoyed. When someone finally answered the phone, I was not happy. I was polite, of course, but the representative just wasn’t getting it.

I described to him my exact problem: that I had the order literally in front of me at that exact moment with the entire list of the contents and the tracking information and it said it hadn’t even been sent.

After some fiddling around and putting me on hold two more times, the rep told me there was a mistake with the shipping and he would have my package resent.

Hallelujah, right?

Wrong.

He read me the exact list of the figures that would be in the package. I had specifically ordered two figures that were from the same franchise. He listed one of the figures, but not the figure of the main character that should have been with the package. For the record, all this information was on the list of products I had in front of me, and, I assumed, he had in front of him.

So. I corrected him, listing the full list including all of the vinyls I had ordered.

He agreed, and then listed them again, minus the same character.

Finally, exhausted, after nearly two hours of talking probably more than I had in the entire rest of the day combined, I just agreed with him and had him send the shipment.

I wrote off the figure as one of the free ones I would have gotten and tried not to be too upset, but now I have the side character vinyl and not the main character and a decayed view of customer service for this company. 

If I buy from them now, it’s from their brick-and-mortar store nearest me because at least those employees act like they appreciate and listen to me.

This is an old story my dad loves to tell. He has an old friend who is a bit of a picky eater. One night, my dad is making burgers. His friend brought his own cheese to put on the burgers — specifically, American cheese slices, which my dad personally finds to be an affront to the wonder that is cheese. 

My dad looks at him in disbelief and tells him, “Dude, that’s not real cheese.” His friend vehemently disagrees, so my dad says, “I’ll prove it. [Dog] likes cheese. C’mere, girl,” and throws a full slice of the cheese on the floor for our dog. 

It’s true, our dog loves cheese — she loves any and all human food and we frequently let her lick our dishes after meals — so she is well-acquainted with various cheeses.

Anyway, she trots over, sniffs the slice on the kitchen floor, and turns her nose away and trots back off into another room, entirely uninterested. 

To this day, his friend insists that my dad gave her some secret signal to leave the treat on the floor. Our dog was a bit of a wild one when she was a pup, but at this point, we had gotten through to her and she was excellently behaved… but there was no signal on earth that would stop her from taking good food that was placed on the floor, which was considered her domain.

(After doing a service for a thrift shop, I have the employee sign a hand-held device which then transmits the information to a wireless remote printer, which prints out the service ticket. The employee marvels at the technology.)

Employee: “That’s just amazing!”

Me: “Yes, it’s pretty sophisticated.”

Employee: “Like the phones everyone has now.”

Me: “I know. I should upgrade my phone, but I’m intimidated. They seem so complicated. The one I have now is old, but it does pretty much everything I need it to. I mean, I don’t need a phone that tells me the phases of the moon or what time it is in Tokyo.”

(We share a laugh over this and wait a bit while the ticket prints out. Just then, a customer approaches and interrupts us.)

Customer: “Excuse me, but does anyone know what time it is in Tokyo?”

(We laugh a bit more, and I say to the customer:)

Me: “All I know is that it’s five o’clock somewhere!”

(I answer the phone for the umpteenth time this morning. Everything’s been normal and boring so far, just how I like it.)

Me: “Good morning, this is [Business]. My name is [My Name]. How can I help you?”

Caller: “Hey. Can I speak to [Dining Manager], please?”

Me: “Let me see if he’s in. May I ask who’s calling?”

Caller: “Yeah, this is [Caller]. He’ll know who I am.”

Me: “Okay, just a moment, please. Let me see if [Dining Manager] is in.”

(He is; he’s just walked in the door and is listening. He motions for the phone and I take it off hold to hand to him.)

Dining Manager: “Hello, this is [Dining Manager].”

(He says, “Uh-huh,” and, “Okay,” and other general murmurs of agreement as the caller speaks.)

Dining Manager: “That sounds great; what company are you from again?”

(He listens some more and then his face screws up, and he makes a “WTF” face.)

Dining Manager: “Well, I think if you’re looking to sell me some cleaning chemicals, you could tell me what company you’re selling for.”

(He listens some more.)

Dining Manager: “No, if you can’t tell me what company this is, I think… Huh, he hung up.”

Me: “What the heck was that all about?”

Dining Manager: “It was a scam. They basically offer you a box of free chemicals and then when you eventually get them, they charge you. Idiots.”

Me: “So, I’m guessing you didn’t know [Caller], huh?” *laughing*

Dining Manager: “Nope.” *also laughing*

Me: “Hello! Welcome to [Fast Food Chicken Place]! Would you like your order for here or to go today?”

Customer: “Yes. Do you have Halal here?”

Me: “Yes, sir, our original, crispy, and spicy grilled recipes are all Halal! Also our chicken pot pie and our honey BBQ sandwich!”

Customer: “Okay… now you said the spicy grilled was Halal?”

Me: “Yes, sir.”

Customer: “Okay, I’d like a twenty-piece meal, only the chicken, in original.”

Me: “All righty, sir!”

Customer: “It’s Halal?”

Me: “Yes, sir.”

Customer: “Okay.”

(The customer hands me his credit card. I swipe it and hold it back to him. As he takes his card back, he asks again:)

Customer: “It’s Halal?”

Me: “Yes, sir.”

(I go and pack his order. The customer shouts to me over the kitchen noises and other customers as I’m packing.)

Customer: “IS IT HALAL?”

Me: “Yes, sir!”

(I put his order in a bag and hand it to him.)

Me: “Thank you, sir. Have a good night!”

Customer: “You, too! It’s Halal, right?”

Me: “Yes, sir!”

(The customer turns to leave but then turns back.)

Customer: “It was for here.”

(I got him a tray but threw an internal fit.)