I worked at a pest control company. I go out for a call to someone who caught a spider and wants to know what kind it is. She has it in a jar.

Customer: “What kind of spider is this? I think it’s a black widow.”

Me: *Looking at the jar.* “Well, it’s not a black widow.”

Customer: “How can you tell?”

Me: “Well, first of all it’s brown…”

Customer: “It sure acted like a black widow!”

Me: “What does a black widow act like?”

Customer: “It was all running around on its legs and stuff!”

Working at the office for a pest control company can be…rather crazy. One day the phone rings.

Coworker: “Thank you for calling [Company], how can I help you?”

Caller: “Oh thank goodness, there’s a mouse!”

Coworker: “Okay, ma’am, may I have your details?”

Caller: “[Details.] We’re having our daughter’s wedding on Saturday in our back yard and we don’t want vermin there!”

Coworker: “Okay, ma’am, what room did you see the mouse in?”

Caller: “Room?! The mouse was outside!”

Coworker: “…ma’am, I’m looking at the map, your property backs up onto the forest.”

Caller: “Yes! Which is why we’re having the wedding there! It’s going to be a beautiful background. I don’t want vermin at my wedding! The mouse was right by where we want to put the trellis arch by the big tree!”

Coworker: “…that’s…that’s not how this works, ma’am.

Caller: “But I don’t want vermin at the wedding!

Coworker: “Ma’am. If there is a mouse inside your house, call us. If there is a mouse outside your house, your house by the forest, we cannot help you.

Caller: “Then why are we paying you for pest control?! I’m suing you if there is vermin at the wedding!” *Hangs up.*

Coworker: “…I’m going on break.”

I work in pest control, and I service a popular resort. It’s in the south, and we often have customers from places that hardly have pest problems.

A gentleman called us asking for us to treat for bees. “They come out every night!” he said. I immediately knew that that was probably not bees.

When I arrived, I asked the gentleman to explain what he had seen and where. We were walking through the house as he talked. Then, he stopped mid-sentence, pointed at a window, and said, “There’s one now!”

It was a large adult Smokeybrown cockroach.

Google that and compare it to a bee and tell me what you think.

CONTENT WARNING: Animal Death

Last night, my boyfriend turned on a bedside light several times during the night. It wasn’t enough to fully wake me up, so I didn’t ask him about it, but I definitely noticed it.

In the morning, I saw that his phone wasn’t on the charger. He has a touch-to-turn-on lamp with a wireless phone charger, so I assumed something went wrong with it during the night and that’s why he turned it on. I put his phone on my charger across the room instead.

Later, once I was at work, I texted him and said I hoped he had found his phone okay, and I asked if he had turned the light on during the night (thinking I might have dreamed it). He said yes but didn’t elaborate.

When we sat down for dinner, we started talking.

Boyfriend: “So, did you just notice that my phone needed to be charged this morning?”

Me: “Yeah, I figured something went wrong with the charger last night and that’s why you kept turning the light on.”

Boyfriend: “Oh… Well, no, it wasn’t, but thanks.”

Me: “So… why did you keep turning the light on?”

Boyfriend: *Sigh* “I was really hoping you weren’t going to ask because I want to be honest, but…”

Me: “Oh, God. Do I not want to know?”

Boyfriend: “I don’t think you do.”

Me: *Nervously* “Okay…”

Important context is that we live in a house that’s over a hundred years old, so my mind immediately goes — correctly — to some kind of pest.

After a minute or so:

Boyfriend: “You know what, I’ll tell you. So, last night we were lying in bed, and I heard something. I turned on my light but didn’t see anything, so I thought I was imagining it. It happened a second time, and still nothing. But then I heard it again and turned on the light, and there were two little eyes looking back at me.”

Me: *Horrified* “A mouse?!”

Boyfriend: “Yeah…”

Me: “In our bedroom?!”

Boyfriend: “Yes. But don’t worry. I’ve already put out several traps in the crawlspace, which is where I think it came from. I fully intended not to tell you because I didn’t want to freak you out, but I figured if the trap goes off in the middle of the night, it’s better that you know.”

And when we both were woken up around 5:00 am the next day by the very loud sound of a trap, I was grateful for his decision!

My dad worked in pest control. He only had partial custody of me. One day, when I was around ten and he had a custody day with me, he brought me with him to a restaurant.

It was already fairly late at night. We ate together, he got me a sweet treat from the dessert menu, and then… we waited. The rest of the guests gradually cleared out.

Me: “Hey, Dad, aren’t we keeping these poor servers here late?”

Dad: “No. It’s fine.”

They started vacuuming around us and shutting off lights. Dad got me another round of soda and helped me with my homework, but I was too stressed out by the fact that we weren’t leaving. I didn’t understand.

Finally, the servers left, and the manager approached my dad and handed him the keys.

Dad: *To the manager* “Remember not to come in tomorrow. It won’t be safe until the day after.”

It was a work site. Dad had been contracted to spray it for rats and roaches. According to Dad, they had a severe problem and were paying him for advanced mitigation. He had me help him get his gear out of the truck and put it in the correct locations. 

He gave me a hundred dollar bill for helping him, but he never did understand why I was upset that we’d eaten at a place that had such a bad problem.