I’m a pest control operations manager. A call gets escalated to me from a furious customer.

Customer: “Your guys have come out here to treat my house! I’m furious!”

Me: “I’m sorry to hear that, sir. Did they not take care of all the bugs?”

Customer: “They did, but I keep finding dead bugs all over my backyard!”

I paused for a few seconds and said:

Me: “You’re welcome?”

Customer: “Is this funny to you?!”

Me: “Sir, what exactly were you expecting to happen to the pests? Did you think my guys were going to show up and what… sell them a timeshare?”

Customer: *Click.*

I worked at a pest control company. I go out for a call to someone who caught a spider and wants to know what kind it is. She has it in a jar.

Customer: “What kind of spider is this? I think it’s a black widow.”

Me: *Looking at the jar.* “Well, it’s not a black widow.”

Customer: “How can you tell?”

Me: “Well, first of all it’s brown…”

Customer: “It sure acted like a black widow!”

Me: “What does a black widow act like?”

Customer: “It was all running around on its legs and stuff!”

Working at the office for a pest control company can be…rather crazy. One day the phone rings.

Coworker: “Thank you for calling [Company], how can I help you?”

Caller: “Oh thank goodness, there’s a mouse!”

Coworker: “Okay, ma’am, may I have your details?”

Caller: “[Details.] We’re having our daughter’s wedding on Saturday in our back yard and we don’t want vermin there!”

Coworker: “Okay, ma’am, what room did you see the mouse in?”

Caller: “Room?! The mouse was outside!”

Coworker: “…ma’am, I’m looking at the map, your property backs up onto the forest.”

Caller: “Yes! Which is why we’re having the wedding there! It’s going to be a beautiful background. I don’t want vermin at my wedding! The mouse was right by where we want to put the trellis arch by the big tree!”

Coworker: “…that’s…that’s not how this works, ma’am.

Caller: “But I don’t want vermin at the wedding!

Coworker: “Ma’am. If there is a mouse inside your house, call us. If there is a mouse outside your house, your house by the forest, we cannot help you.

Caller: “Then why are we paying you for pest control?! I’m suing you if there is vermin at the wedding!” *Hangs up.*

Coworker: “…I’m going on break.”

I work in pest control, and I service a popular resort. It’s in the south, and we often have customers from places that hardly have pest problems.

A gentleman called us asking for us to treat for bees. “They come out every night!” he said. I immediately knew that that was probably not bees.

When I arrived, I asked the gentleman to explain what he had seen and where. We were walking through the house as he talked. Then, he stopped mid-sentence, pointed at a window, and said, “There’s one now!”

It was a large adult Smokeybrown cockroach.

Google that and compare it to a bee and tell me what you think.

CONTENT WARNING: Animal Death

Last night, my boyfriend turned on a bedside light several times during the night. It wasn’t enough to fully wake me up, so I didn’t ask him about it, but I definitely noticed it.

In the morning, I saw that his phone wasn’t on the charger. He has a touch-to-turn-on lamp with a wireless phone charger, so I assumed something went wrong with it during the night and that’s why he turned it on. I put his phone on my charger across the room instead.

Later, once I was at work, I texted him and said I hoped he had found his phone okay, and I asked if he had turned the light on during the night (thinking I might have dreamed it). He said yes but didn’t elaborate.

When we sat down for dinner, we started talking.

Boyfriend: “So, did you just notice that my phone needed to be charged this morning?”

Me: “Yeah, I figured something went wrong with the charger last night and that’s why you kept turning the light on.”

Boyfriend: “Oh… Well, no, it wasn’t, but thanks.”

Me: “So… why did you keep turning the light on?”

Boyfriend: *Sigh* “I was really hoping you weren’t going to ask because I want to be honest, but…”

Me: “Oh, God. Do I not want to know?”

Boyfriend: “I don’t think you do.”

Me: *Nervously* “Okay…”

Important context is that we live in a house that’s over a hundred years old, so my mind immediately goes — correctly — to some kind of pest.

After a minute or so:

Boyfriend: “You know what, I’ll tell you. So, last night we were lying in bed, and I heard something. I turned on my light but didn’t see anything, so I thought I was imagining it. It happened a second time, and still nothing. But then I heard it again and turned on the light, and there were two little eyes looking back at me.”

Me: *Horrified* “A mouse?!”

Boyfriend: “Yeah…”

Me: “In our bedroom?!”

Boyfriend: “Yes. But don’t worry. I’ve already put out several traps in the crawlspace, which is where I think it came from. I fully intended not to tell you because I didn’t want to freak you out, but I figured if the trap goes off in the middle of the night, it’s better that you know.”

And when we both were woken up around 5:00 am the next day by the very loud sound of a trap, I was grateful for his decision!