Unfiltered Story #167615

, | Unfiltered | September 21, 2019

(I’m the difficult customer in this story. We rent our house and have just recieved a call from a pest control company after our real estate requested an annual pest spray).

Caller: Is there a time/day that suits you best?

Me: Ummm… Not really, It varies drastically. When do you guys want to come?

Caller: How about 8am Thursday?

Me: Oh my husband works night shift.

Caller: Say no more, how about 3pm the following Thursday?

Me: Ah… Can we make it a week later?

Caller: Sure, how about 3pm that Wednesday?

Me: Yeah… Oh wait… Let me check the calendar… (fiddles on my phone to check the calendar)… Yeah that works.

Caller: Okay, 3pm that Wednesday…

Dinner Has Been Exterminated

, , , , , | Working | May 8, 2019

(My husband has gone to the kitchen to cook dinner and has just gotten all the pans down and ingredients set out when the door opens. It is the exterminator.)

Husband: “Hi. What are you doing here?”

Exterminator: “The landlady paid me to come out and spray for bugs today.”

Husband: “Oh… at dinner time?”

Exterminator: “Yeah, I got busy.”

Me: *when the story was told to me* “Oh, good. The landlady didn’t pay him to poison our dinner; that was an optional service.”

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Unfiltered Story #119022

, , | Unfiltered | August 24, 2018

Me: [Company name], this is [My Name], how can I help you?

Customer: Yeah I am looking to buy some products you sell

Me: Certainly. What company are you with?

Customer: Oh I am just a licensed individual.

Me: Oh well, unfortunately, we only sell to businesses in the food and grain industry. I would recommend you try contacting [Other pest control company] or the manufacturer.

Customer: Why should I have to do that if I am licensed? [Pest Control Company] is my competitor, why should I buy from them?

Me: Uh…well, I’m really sorry, but we do not sell to individuals.

Customer: Fine, well you should know that I am a US-licenced auditor for places like the ones you service. And I will make sure to do a real good job in the future.

Me: (…what? Was that supposed to magically make me able to sell to him? How would he even know the locations we service?)

I’m Not A Snake Oil Salesman

| Right | February 2, 2016

(I run a small business catching and relocating venomous snakes from people’s yards and public areas. Australia is up top of the list for deadliest snakes in the world. I get a phone call one morning from a very anxious person saying they had a black snake in their yard. From the accent it sounds like they are not local to Australia.)

Me: “Can you see the snake right now?”

Customer: “YES! YES! YES! It’s right beside the kid’s pool. Come get it! Get it now!”

Me: “Okay, sir, slow down a moment and give me your address, and just to advise it’s a $[total] call out fee, even if the snake moves away.”

Customer: “That’s fine! Come get it!”

(I quickly drive to the address, armed with my usual equipment, to meet the petrified client, who rushes me into the backyard and points towards a little wading pool for the kids. I move towards it carefully and to my shock… it’s the customer’s garden hose. He didn’t want to pay but he also didn’t like it when I pulled one of the boxes out of my car with a six-foot Eastern Brown Snake in it and told him I needed a place to relocate this snake to. The cash appeared quickly after that.)

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Has Slugs And Snails And Puppy Dog Tails

| Right | November 4, 2015

Customer: “I need someone to treat around my water meter.”

Me: “What kind of pests are you seeing?”

Customer: “I am not sure. They are either scorpions or rats. They have tails.”

Me: *aside to coworker* “Puppies have tails. Do you think there are puppies in his water box?”

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