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Fishing For Answers That Will Never Come

, , , , | Right | October 28, 2020

It is just before the lockdown goes into effect in my state back in March. The restaurant has been dead all day with a few takeout orders and maybe three dine-in tables. We’ve all been constantly monitoring the situation and rapidly implementing safety protocols as corporate sends them to our general manager.

I’m the last front-of-house person to leave since our only server had to go get her daughter from school and we’re closing early anyway. I’m a host, two line cooks and one dishwasher left, and I have just finished closing down the takeout register when the phone rings. It’s literally one minute until we close and while I don’t want to answer, I have enough experience to know it’s better if I do. 

Me: “Thank you for calling [Restaurant]. This is [My Name]; how can I help you?”

Customer: “I was wondering if you could tell me what your specials are?”

Me: “Sure. This month we are featuring [Special Sandwich]. Also, due to circumstances beyond our control, we are about to close for the day.”

Customer: “Hmm, that sounds nice. I was wondering what kind of white fish you have on your menu.”

Me: “Well, we do have a seared halibut entree as well as fish and chips on our regular menu, but because of health and safety concerns, we are strictly limited to soups, salads, and sandwiches, for takeout only, starting tomorrow.”

Customer: “I see. Well, my husband and I were there this past fall and you had this amazing special on the menu we absolutely loved. Our friends are coming to town, so we wanted to bring them there to try it. I don’t remember what it was, just that it was white fish.”

I am trying VERY hard to be patient and not let my annoyance show through.

Me: “Okay, well, like I said, because we are limited to lunch options, we won’t have fish on the menu until further notice. Even then, it’s very unlikely we would be able to recreate that dish without knowing exactly what the entree was. If it was our Lemon Grilled Halibut, I know for a fact that we can’t make it because we no longer have risotto on the new menu.”

Customer: “No, it didn’t have risotto. I definitely remember that.”

She continues to describe her dinner — everything but what she was eating, mind you. I’m talking server, drinks, what she was wearing, and who she was with, but no more detail about her fish entree that is helpful.

I turn around to check the clock and see that one of our line cooks has come off the line to check on me. From his facial expression, he’s been listening for a bit and is speechless.

Customer: “I wish I could remember more about the dish. Is it coming back on the menu any time soon?”

I have more patience than most. And hey, she sounds like someone who maybe doesn’t get out much and just wants someone to talk to. Normally, I’d be fine with it, but given what’s happening, I’ve had it.

Me: “I’m afraid not, ma’am, for a number of reasons. First, our head chef and our corporate chef encourage creativity so we don’t repeat specials. Second, even if I knew which special you are referring to, we can only use the ingredients we already have available in house. Third, we are only serving soups, salads, and sandwiches, to go, starting tomorrow. And finally, given that we just launched a new menu last month and given the state of emergency around the country, making changes to that menu is not exactly at the top of anyone’s list of priorities.”

Customer: “Oh, well, that makes sense. I’ll just call back tomorrow. Maybe my husband will remember what I ordered. Thank you.”

She hangs up and I just shake my head. Both line cooks are behind me with shocked expressions on their faces. 

Line Cook: “I’m glad you dealt with that. I wouldn’t have been nearly as nice.”

Other Line Cook: “Seriously. Who calls a minute before we close and asks something like that?”

Once I finally got home, that’s when news broke that we were closed until further notice! I still haven’t been back, so I have no idea if she ever figured out what she had for dinner that night.

Related:
Fishing For Answers That Will Never Come

Uber Eats Meets Uber Stupid

, , , , , | Working | October 28, 2020

This takes place before the health crisis. I’ve placed an order online with a nearby diner-style restaurant and driven there to pick it up. When I enter, I see a couple of teenage employees dashing back and forth behind the counter. When they see me, they place an order bag on the counter and go back to dashing around. I look inside the bag to discover that it’s not my order.

Me: “Uh, hey. Excuse me.”

Teenager #1: “Is there a problem?”

Me: “This isn’t what I ordered.”

Teenager #2: “That’s the [Delivery Service #1] order.”

Me: “Yeah, that’s not what I ordered.”

Teenager #1: “Oh, did your client change their order? We didn’t get a notice about that.”

Me: “What client?”

Teenager #2: *In a “duh” voice* “The person who ordered the food.”

Me: “I ordered the food.”

Teenager #1: “Wait, you’re not with [Delivery Service #1]?”

Me: “No.”

Teenager #1: “Oh, man! Haha! Sorry about that.”

He takes the bag back and hands me a different bag. I’m looking inside it to see if this one is the correct order but he saves me the time.

Teenager #1: “There’s the [Delivery Service #2] order.”

I take my head out of the bag and hand it back to him.

Me: “No, I’m not with [Delivery Service #2], either.”

Teenager #2: “Are you with [Delivery Service #3]? [DeliveryService #4]?”

Me: “No.”

Teenager #1: “[Delivery Service #5]? [Delivery Service #6]?”

Me: “No!”

Teenager #2: “Then which delivery service are you with?”

Me: “I’m not with any delivery service!”

They stare at me, confused and slightly disgusted like I just started picking my nose in full view.

Teenager #1: “Then what are you doing here?”

Me: “I ordered food for myself. I paid for it myself. I came here to get it myself. And I’m going to take it home and eat it myself.”

They look at each other, still confused.

Teenager #1: “Are they, like, allowed to do that?”

Teenager #2: “I dunno, dude. I never heard of that before. Maybe we should call the boss man.”

Me: “Yeah, you do that. Call your boss man and tell him to bring my money with him.”

Water You, Dense? Part 2

, , , , | Right | October 28, 2020

I am working at a juice bar chain.

Me: “Do you want ice in that?”

Customer: “What?”

Me: “Do you want ice?”

Customer: “Rice?”

Me: “Ice.”

Customer: “What are the other options for ice?”

Me: “Uh… no ice?”

Customer: “Oh. Yes, I’ll take ice.”

Related:
Water You, Dense?

Don’t Expose People To Your Unhealthy Attitude

, , , , , , , | Working | October 28, 2020

Due to the global health crisis, our management team is required to take turns at the security gates of our mine and use a thermal camera to take temperatures of anyone entering the property. We also have to ask two questions: “Do you have any [illness] symptoms?” and “Have you been exposed to anyone with the [illness]?”

I’m assigned to the gate one morning, and around 5:00 am, a mechanic rolls up in a service truck with a smirk on his face.

Me: “Do you have any [illness] symptoms?”

Mechanic: “No.”

Me: “Have you been exposed to anyone with the [illness]?”

Mechanic: *With attitude* “I don’t know. How does anybody know if they’re exposed at the grocery store or gas station?”

This isn’t the first bit of attitude I’ve taken about these checks, and I’m pretty sick of it.

Me: “I’m scheduled here until 6:30. I can wait until you give me the answer I need. If you have a problem with the question, we can call your supervisor and HR to have a discussion.”  

Mechanic: “Umm, no. No exposure.”

He Hasn’t Seen Any Police Movie Ever

, , , , | Right | October 28, 2020

A customer is self-checking his groceries out. He finishes paying for his stuff and then asks me to hold his stuff while he goes through the bathroom. Normally, receipts are scanned at the door as a security measure.

Me: “Hey, don’t forget your receipt; they scan it at the door.”

Customer: “I don’t need it. I never show it to them. I just walk away.”

Me: “Well, it would still be a good idea, just in case.”

Customer: “So you think a cop would be a thief? You’ve got to be kidding me!”

Me: *Smiles at him* “Well, just because someone’s a cop, it doesn’t mean you can’t be corrupt.”

He huffed and walked away with his groceries.