I see an elderly man shouting at my coworker.
Elderly Man: “You should be taken out back and shot!”
He storms off and I ask my coworker what happened.
Coworker: “Apparently, not having a specific brand of milk is a pretty big deal.”
I’m flying back from a sales conference in Vegas, and I am able to upgrade to a first-class seat. We have a very annoying sales VP that’s on the same flight. She is the snobby, entitled type who brags about having a full-time nanny and giant mansion in the suburbs, and she generally treats people who work for her like servants.
She sees me in a first-class seat as she is making her way to coach.
VP: “How did you get that seat?”
Me: “I used points to upgrade.”
As people are getting settled in, she makes her way back up to the first-class cabin.
VP: “I want to speak with the lead flight attendant.”
Lead Flight Attendant: “How can I help you?”
VP: “One of my underlings is sitting in first class, and I need to switch with him since I’m higher on the corporate ladder.”
The lead flight attendant can’t believe what he’s hearing, but she won’t take no for an answer. Finally…
Lead Flight Attendant: “Ma’am, you have to go back to her seat or you will be escorted from the plane.”
She trotted off back to coach after having made a complete a** of herself to the entire first-class cabin.
I’m in line at a gas station where I’m a regular customer, waiting to pay for my gas and a few other items. The station has two cash registers served by the same line. Usually, only one register is open, but if there are a lot of people in line, another employee will open the second register to help clear the line.
When I get in line, only the first register is open. I wait patiently, with three or four other customers behind me. When I’m next in line for the register, an employee sees the line and opens the second register, calling for the next person in line.
I start to step over, and then a woman at the back of the line of customers SPRINTS to the register. I see her coming and take two long steps to make sure I get to the register before her. I place my own items on the counter and use my body to block her from reaching past me to put her own items on the counter. This makes her mad.
Woman: *Screaming like a banshee* “I WAS HERE FIRST! YOU CUT ME OFF! GET OUT OF MY WAY!”
I turn to the woman, calmly point out where the back of the line is, and turn back to the cashier. The woman continues shrieking, and the cashier and I both roll our eyes at her behavior.
As I reach for my wallet to pay, something slams into the back of my head, hard enough that I have to brace myself against the counter for a few seconds to make sure I’m not seriously injured. When I know I’m okay, I turn around to see the woman with an unopened but dented aluminum pop can in her hand.
Practically shaking with rage, I make a conscious effort to restrain myself from punching her and I pull my phone out of my pocket. As I dial and begin explaining the situation to the person on the other end of my call, the woman realizes what is going on and flees the store. I finish telling the 911 dispatcher what happened, including a description of the woman’s car while I watch her get in and speed out of the parking lot.
Two police officers arrive, and I give my official statement to them. Other customers and the employees also provide statements, and the store manager agrees to hand over the footage from the store’s security cameras.
I agree to press assault charges against the woman, and the store also presses charges for shoplifting — she took her items without paying — and for driving off without paying for her fuel. After giving my statement, I accept an ambulance ride to the hospital for a concussion evaluation and am diagnosed with a minor concussion.
A week after the assault, I go back to the hospital for a follow-up exam and am given a clean bill of health. I take all of the paperwork from the ambulance ride and my two exams to the county courthouse and file a civil lawsuit against the woman for the bills.
The woman chooses to fight her various criminal charges but is found guilty on all counts at her court trial. After declaring the sentence, the judge also rules in my favor in my civil lawsuit and awards me full compensation for my medical bills resulting from the woman’s assault.
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Customer: “I need a ham. It’s for a church.”
Me: “I’m sorry, sir. I’m afraid I’m out.”
Customer: “But it’s for a church!”
An IT technician is walking through the office when an employee stops them.
Employee: “You took your time! I pressed F1—” *the Help button* “—two hours ago!”
