When The Bell Rings The Penny Drops

, , , , | Working | September 14, 2017

Coworker: “Out of curiosity, what is the really loud bell in the back room?”

Me: “You mean the doorbell?”

Coworker: “Doorbell? Doorbell! [Coworker #2] is trapped outside!”

It’s Not “Looking” Good, Ladies

, , , , | Right | September 14, 2017

(I am a customer in line. Because this is a party town, this particular gas station closes its restrooms at 10 pm to avoid drunk college students messing up the place. There are two 20-something girls talking to the male cashier.)

Girl #1: “Please let us use the restroom. It’ll be quick.”

Cashier: “I’m sorry, but the owner doesn’t want us to make exceptions. There are port-a-potties outside by the parking lot you’re free to use.”

Girl #1: “Come on. Look at me.”

(She starts batting her eyes and pushes out her chest.)

Girl #1: “I bet you don’t meet many girls who pay attention to you. But I’m looking at you.”

Girl #2: “What if I look you in the eyes? Then will you let us use it?”

Cashier: *stares blankly* “…No, I’m sorry but I am not allowed to unlock it.”

Girl #2: “BUT I’M LOOKING AT YOU.”

Cashier: “Okay, but—”

Girl #1: “GOD, WHAT AN A**-HOLE! You’re lucky we even talked to you, and this is how we’re treated!”

(Both girls stormed out, leaving everyone else in the store bewildered.)

The Consequences Of Freedom

, , , , | Related | September 14, 2017

(My nine-year-old son hates to take a bath and will try every argument to get out of it.)

Son: “Don’t I have any FREEDOM these days?!”

Me: “Sure. You have the freedom to do what I say or suffer the consequences.”

Son: *groans, but goes to get clean*

Here We Pokémon Go Again, Part 40

, , , , , , | Working | September 14, 2017

(I’m well-known around my work as being a Pokémon fan, having been one since before I started working here about 17  years ago, so it is no surprise when I start playing “Pokémon Go”. A coworker’s little girl, who’s about four, is obsessed with Pokémon as well. One day, my coworker swings by our work while I’m working, to drop some supplies off. As she and I are chatting, her daughter is running around the place playing “Go”.)

Me: “Did you pick up [Item]?”

Coworker: “Yeah, it’s on the back table.”

Daughter: *running up to us* “Mommy! I caught a Pidgy!”

Coworker: “You know, [Daughter], [My Name] plays Pokémon, too.”

Daughter: “We can play together!”

Me: “That’s okay, hun; I’m supposed to be working.”

Daughter: “Okay!” *runs off again*

(A few minutes later she runs up to us again.)

Daughter: “I just caught an Oddish!”

Me: “Exciting! Those are kind of uncommon.”

Daughter: “Yeah!”

(She runs off again, and we resume talking, and [Daughter] returns again in few minutes.)

Daughter: “I found a Jigglypuff!”

Me: *to coworker* “Excuse me; I’m gonna go catch this too…”

Coworker: *laughs*

Rules Don’t Bend In The Wind

, , , , | Friendly | September 14, 2017

When I was really young, my parents had to take me everywhere with them, as we were poor and could only afford childcare whilst both of them were working. Often the childcare role was filled by family.

Once, when I was about three, my dad took me with him to the bank. It was one of those banks where the tellers were out on the floor with you around a little table. I was standing between my dad and the teller when the teller passed gas. I heard it, as I was so short my head was at about the teller’s waist, but my father did not, and the embarrassed teller didn’t say anything about it.

So, as my father had done to me many times before to teach me my manners, although perhaps in a less sassy, exaggerated way, I looked up at her, put my hands on my hips, and said, “What do you say???”

The woman blushed the most vibrant shade of red and quietly said, “Excuse me,” while my father could hardly contain his laughter. It’s a story he can’t recount without laughing to this day.

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