Our dinner service begins at six pm, and as we are a popular local pub with limited capacity — especially since health-related restrictions — we have to take reservations and very rarely can entertain walk-ins.

A customer walks in about ten minutes before dinner service starts and the first reservations are due in. It’s worth mentioning that we are going to be jam-packed; we are fully-booked and have been for weeks because of a government scheme called eat-out-to-help-out that gives heavy discounts on food.

Customer: *Demanding* “Give me a table.”

Manager: “Sorry, sir, we are fully booked.”

Customer: *Looks around blankly* “That table is empty. Can we have that one?”

Manager: *Calmly* “I can’t, sir; someone else has reserved it weeks ago. There is a reserved sign on it and the other tables, too.”

This goes on, with the man pointing out each and every table until he loses his cool.

Customer: *Loudly* “You’re all liars! You’re messing with me; out of all of the empty tables in the restaurant, you couldn’t even spare one?”

Manager: “We’re fully booked.”

He cranes his head over and down at the reservation book.

Customer: “Those two are sitting at a four-person table. My wife and I will join them.”

We had to explain that you can’t just invite yourself to sit at someone else’s table, especially during the rules on social distancing.

Eventually, the man got so frustrated and angry that he swiped his arm across the stand, sending the menus and the lamp crashing to the floor, before stomping out.

Later that day, we had a particularly creative TripAdvisor review from the man. It’s a shame we can’t get it removed, because he clearly had issues and was technically never a customer.

I work in an independent charity shop benefitting a local charity. A lady has come in to donate some beautiful ornaments from a well-known and expensive designer.

Lady: “Please don’t sell these cheaply; they are very valuable.”

Me: “They are lovely. I’ll pop a note on for our manager; she will make sure they have the right price on them.”

Lady: “I just want to make sure you don’t sell them for next to nothing.”

Me: “Our manager will research them and put the right price on; please don’t worry. Thank you so much for donating them.”

As we’re speaking, a customer comes up with a pair of brand-new shoes, still with the original labels and price tags on, that we have priced at a third of the original price.

Customer: “These are really expensive. Why are they so dear?”

Me: “They are brand new; they’re actually at a huge discount.”

Customer: “But you’re a charity shop. This stuff is all donated; you get it for free! You should be selling it cheaply, not for prices like this!”

The lady does not even look at the customer but speaks up VERY loudly and clearly.

Lady: “I’m so glad you’re going to put a proper price on these ornaments. I spent a lot of money on them and I am so pleased they are going to make your charity a lot of money. I would be devastated if I came in and saw them with a silly low price on. I would rather sell them myself and just donate the money to you. Thank you for all the work your charity does; you deserve every penny people spend in this shop.”

She then turns round, looks at the customer, and glances at the shoes.

Lady: “Either pay the price or put them back. You should be ashamed.”

The very red-faced customer paid the full price without a word. You go, lady! I wish I could say exactly what you said.

Related:
The Price Is Right

When everything starts going wrong with the health crisis and all the idiots are panic-buying everything their greedy little hands can get hold of, the rest of us have issues getting the essentials just to last the month.

I have been buying in bulk for a while before this happens, so luckily, we have some general supplies to last us, but even those are starting to disappear and I am getting worried.

With four of us in the family, certain essentials such as toilet paper are running out.

I ask at work if anyone knows of anywhere that still has some.

Coworker: “I bought loads a few weeks ago, still have over a hundred at home. Maybe try [Discount Place]?”

Me: “Yeah, I checked. They ran out.”

Coworker: “Oh, unlucky. It was really cheap at the time, too.”

I hoped he would share his; I would happily have paid. He knew I had small children and I knew it was just him and his wife at home.

But no, even with some of the other guys giving him a hard time about stockpiling — and many other things as well — his attitude was “tough luck, as long as I’m okay.”

I did manage to find some in the end and we managed to get through the worst of the shortages.

Months later, the same coworker messaged me. It turns out they only recently STARTED to use the rolls he bought. As soon as they did, his wife refused to use them at all because they were the hard single-ply you used to get in schools.

He tried and tried to sell them to me, first because of how I was “his friend,” then because of how much he “knew I was struggling,” and then because my kids “wouldn’t care if it was a bit thin.”

I thanked him for the offer, but I had things sorted. In fact, I had the OPPOSITE problem; I had to buy such luxury paper that I couldn’t even fit it in my holder. And I told him that no, I wasn’t going to swap, but he should try [Shop] as I’d gotten a great deal.

This story is part of our Best Of October 2020 roundup!

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I have worked at a local supermarket for four years. After my first year there, I am recommended for promotion and then promoted to store supervisor. Two months prior to my promotion, a new hire joins the team: [Employee #1]. He also happens to be a regular customer who only got the job because of his continuous and obsessive nagging. He quickly becomes the biggest brown-noser you could ever meet, and since he only does so with the managers, it becomes clear as crystal that he’s doing it to become one.

This story occurs after my promotion. I’m in the back office doing a mountain of paperwork. [Employee #1] is on the register. It’s quiet, but he starts obnoxiously ringing the staff bell, so of course, as I’m the only other employee there, I have to go answer him. I walk up to the register. There are no waiting customers.

Me: “Yes, [Employee #1]?”

[Employee #1] makes a smug display of checking his watch before matter-of-factly glaring at me and pointing to it.

Employee #1: “It’s 5:02 pm.”

[Employee #2] is supposed to be here for a shift at 5:00 pm; however, he called me a half-hour ago to let me know his bike was having trouble and he is going to be here ASAP. I haven’t told [Employee #1] this, principally because it’s a ridiculously quiet Sunday, and more importantly because, despite how small the inconvenience is and has been in the past, [Employee #1] will make sure to stretch and dramatise how much of a problem it is for him. I simply cannot be bothered to entertain his ego.

Me: “Well, don’t worry about it. I’m sure [Employee #2]’s just stuck in traffic.”

As I return to the office, [Employee #1] murmurs something under his breath before sighing audibly but I let it go. This man is a pathetic excuse of an adult and I do not have the energy or time to waste on wet nursing him over such a trivial problem.

The only reason for his behaviour is that when I was promoted, [Employee #1] started turning up for work later and later only on my shifts, starting with five-minute-late arrivals before arriving almost forty-five minutes late on our clearance day, which triggered his first disciplinary meeting. Since then, the man has been a total time freak; I’ve seen him twice checking the schedule clock to see when people have arrived. He’s even confronted several employees about their lateness, which has, of course, poisoned people’s opinions about him. [Employee #2] does eventually arrive at 5:12 pm. Not five minutes later, [Employee #1] marches to my door and knocks loudly.

Me: “Yes, [Employee #1]?”

Employee #1: “Right, I want you to give [Employee #2] a disciplinary.”

Me: *Sighing* “[Employee #1]…”

Employee #1: “No, no, no, no, no, shut the f*** up. Disciplinary, now.”

I have finally had enough of his bulls***.

Me: “Excuse me, I am the supervisor—”

Employee #1: “OBVIOUSLY, YOU’RE PLAYING F****** FAVOURITES, SO YOU EITHER GIVE HIM A DISCIPLINARY NOW OR I’LL F****** WALK.”

It’s a quiet Sunday. The threat of him walking is easily the most feeble attempt at leverage I have ever seen from another human being.

Me: “Okay then, so you’re saying you’re quitting?”

Employee #1: “GIVE HIM A F*****’ DISCIPLINARY!”

Me: “Are you leaving or not? I have a ton of work to do. So, you can either go back to the till or go home.”

He stood there, face flushed red, but eventually retreated back to the registers and didn’t speak to me for the rest of the night. I phoned my manager and let her know what had just happened. [Employee #1] had threatened three times over to quit within the previous year. Eventually, [Employee #1] was terminated, much to the relief of everyone else.

This story is part of our Best Of October 2020 roundup!

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I was a cashier at a local supermarket. Whenever I estimated someone to be over 70 and buying alcohol, I would also ask them for an ID. Usually, this got a laugh, sometimes it got people offended. Once a lady even called for a manager, who had to come to clarify to her that it was a joke – you know the type.

However, one man ruled the joke. He was just buying a few beers, and I asked him for his ID because he looked way into his 90s. He laughed, grabbed his wallet, and handed me a card in a plastic casing.

Still with a huge smile on his face, he asked me:

Customer: “Do you know what that is?”

It looked sort of like an ID, but I had never seen anything like that one. What I could tell was that it was old and something from the military.

Customer: “What you are holding now is my military ID from the second world war. Is that a valid ID here? Because I no longer have my driver’s license.”

It was at that point that I was at a loss for words. This man took my joke, handed it back and won.