21 Crazy Stories About Customers Who Can’t Cope With Crafting

Dear readers,

Today, August third, home decor and hostessing goddess Martha Stewart turns seventy-nine, and if her Instagram is anything to go by, she is thriving. We can’t all be masters of crafting — some of us should never be trusted around hot glue guns or scissors — but Martha’s calm advice always makes it seem like anyone can do anything with a little patience.

In honor of this occasion, we’ve assembled 21 stories about customers who should probably find other hobbies. We hope that these stories entertain you; maybe they’ll even inspire you to take on a new quarantine project!

They Haven’t Got A Glue – The thing about glue and paint is that you can use them again!

Not Too New For A Yard Sale – Even new employees usually know how to count to two.

They Need To Be Sharper With Safety Hazards – Even visiting a craft store can be dangerous, and not just for your wallet!

Has Him Foaming At The Mouth – Women? In a craft store? Inconceivable!

But We Did Just Get A Shipment Of Sunshine And Lollipops – Martha could probably make some unicorns and rainbows out of some popsicle sticks or something.

Getting The Stamp Of Disapproval – It’s not like the baby would know the difference anyway…

Crafty With Their Helpfulness – This customer’s not even remotely crafty.

Tattoo The Word “Gullible” On Their Forehead – That certainly would have been less painful.

They’re A “Special” Case – They have so few precious brain cells to lose!

Bouncing Off Bad Parenting – At least they have plenty of glue for these situations.

What A Total Blood Bowl – Some people put their blood, sweat, and tears into things… and then there’s this customer.

The Needs Of The Mini Outweigh The Needs Of The Glue – This is a lot to ask, but Martha could probably do it.

Sew It Seams – If you can’t handle Velcro, I’m not sure even Martha can help you.

The Current Situation Is Elastic – It’s a hard time out here for a crafter… and everyone else.

Toiling In The Doilies – Doily. String.

Framing A Christmas Disaster – There’s no other way to frame this: you’re asking for a Christmas miracle.

The Crutch Of The Matter – Button your lip, lady!

The Writing’s On The Wall – This is what happens when you don’t listen!

Bridezilla Puts The Stress Into Seamstress – Actually, a wedding dress made entirely out of flowers sounds really cool.

Craft A More Specific Question – Starting small, and basic. VERY basic.

And as a palate cleanse, here’s a sweet story about crafting with Grandma.

Crafting Some Beautiful Moments – Sometimes gluing stuff together glues people together… together…

We hope you enjoyed this collection of kooky crafting stories! Know any stories we missed? Let us know in the comments! Want to send in your own story? Submit your story here!