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When In Rome (Or An Indian Restaurant)…

, , | Right | May 22, 2009

Me: “Did you enjoy your meal?”

Customer: “No, the madras was hot.”

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry it wasn’t to your liking, but madras is a hot dish.”

Customer: “No, no it’s not. Madras is a mild dish. It’s mild.”

Me: “Okay, but if I check with the chef, he’ll tell me we serve it as a hot dish.”

Customer: “What would he know? He’s Indian! What would he know about curry?”


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Future Business Leaders Of America, Indeed

, , , , , | Right | May 22, 2009

(A student approaches my counter at our college’s store, which is adjacent to the bank.)

Me: “Hello, may I help you?”

College Student: “Yes, I need to get four dollars out of the bank.”

Me: “I’m sorry, the campus bank branch does not open for another hour.”

College Student: “Well… what if I was to pay you? *pulls out a five dollar bill*

Me: “You’re going to pay me five dollars to get four dollars out of the bank?”

College Student: “Yes.”

Me: “Why don’t I just give you change in ones for this five?”

College Student: “You can do that?”

Me: “Yes.”

College Student: “Technology these days!”

(I give him the five ones, and he walks out of the store shaking his head and smiling to himself, still saying “Wow!”)

Desktop Hunters And Gatherers

, , , | Right | May 21, 2009

(A customer is at our electronics store looking at the Macs.)

Customer: “Is this that Windows Vi-ah-ster?”

Me: “You mean Windows Vista? No, these are Macs, sir.”

Customer: “Right, Windows Vista, exactly.”

Me: “Are you going to buy one?”

Customer: “Yeah, got anything that’s under $200?”

Me: “Not in the Apple section, and I really wouldn’t advise you get a $200 Vista rig anyway. It will run slowly.”

(He goes over, finds a low-end rig, and gets it anyway. He’s back a day later.)

Customer: “Ya, it’s not workin’.”

Me: “I told you, why didn’t you listen?”

Customer: “Oh, I saw two comp-ooh-ters at that price, and the other one looked better.”

Me: “Looked better… how?”

Customer: “The paint was shinier.”

Two Wrongs Don’t Make A Right

, , , | Healthy | May 20, 2009

CONTENT WARNING: This story contains content of a medical nature. It is not intended as medical advice.

(I work in healthcare and am talking to a man in his fifties who is having angina for the first time.)

Me: “You haven’t had a heart attack, but this pain is probably coming from your heart.”

Man: “But I’m only fifty-something, and there are no heart problems in my family. Why would that be?”

Me: “You smoke thirty cigarettes a day and drink two cartons of beer per week. That’s not good for your heart. You should think about cutting down.”

Man: “I’m sick of you people telling me that bulls***! It’s a scientifically proven fact that smoking makes your arteries smaller, and drinking makes them bigger! If I keep drinking and smoking, I’ll be fine!”

Me: “That’s not at all how it works, but I see I’m not going to change your mind. You’ll be going upstairs soon.”

Man: “I want to go out for a smoke!”

Me: “That’s really not a good idea.”

Man: “What would you know?!”

Me: *gives up*

Best Bytes In The Bunch

, , , , | Right | May 20, 2009

(An elderly man approaches me to purchase a Mac laptop for his granddaughter.)

Customer: “Hey, I have some questions about that laptop.”

Me: “Sure, what can I help you with?”

Customer: “That laptop is an Apple, right?”

Me: “Yes.”

Customer: “I’m buying it for my granddaughter, but she’s allergic to apples. Can I get the same one, but in another fruit?”

Me: “…what? You do know that the laptops aren’t made of apples?”

Customer: “Then why display only an apple? It should be a selection.”

Me: “…I’ll get someone to help you.”