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A Nation Of Size Queens, Part 2

, , , , , | Right | November 5, 2008

Me: “Good evening! You have reached [Campground]. How can I help?”

Customer: “Excuse me, miss, but will I need my parka? I hear it’s only 28 degrees up there today.”

Me: “I wouldn’t imagine so. It’s hot and sunny outside. Everyone here is wearing shorts and t-shirts.”

Customer: “Are you crazy?! It’s 28 degrees!”

Me: “Sir, that’s in degrees Celsius.”

Customer: “What do you mean Celsius? Is that like the number on the thermometer? Are your thermometers smaller in Canada? Is that why it’s 28?”

Me: *gives up* “Yes. Have a great night.”


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Perhaps She Should Talk To General Protection Fault

, , , , , | Right | November 5, 2008

Customer: “I am calling to let you know that you are running an illegal operation.”

Me: “Pardon me?”

Customer: “That’s right! My computer says so right on the screen!”

Me: “Ma’am, that’s a Microsoft error message that says, ‘Your program has performed an illegal operation.'”

Customer: “There is nothing wrong with my computer! I have a 15-inch neck!” *hangs up*

(I assume the customer was referring to her monitor… a 15-inch NEC.)

Must Be One Of Them Trans-Dimensional Cameras

, , , , | Right | October 31, 2008

Customer: “Hi, I’m here to pick up my pictures.”

(I grab the customer’s pictures and she proceeds to look through them. She then hands one of the pictures to me.)

Customer: “Can you print this the other way?”

Me: “The other way?”

Customer: “Yes, flip it around.”

Me: “Okay…”

(Confused, I go into the lab, insert the film negative into the machine upside down and print a mirrored image for the customer.)

Me: “Here you go!”

Customer: “No, no, no. Flip it around!”

Me: “I did. See, it’s mirrored.”

Customer: “No, no, no. My husband took the picture. Can you flip it around and print him?”

Me: “…”

No Wonder We’re In A Financial Meltdown

, , , , | Right | October 28, 2008

(I sell insurance. Sometimes, bank managers will ring up with customers who are in the bank. In this case, the bank lady was doing all the talking because the woman was partly deaf.)

Me: “Good morning, [Insurance Company]; how can I help you?”

Bank Manager: “I’m with a lady who’d like a quote, please.”

Me: “Yup, no problem. Could I speak to her briefly?”

(I talk to the customer and get her permission for the bank manager to do the quote with her details.)

Me: “Okay, can I take her surname, please?”

Bank Manager: “My surname or hers?”

Me: “Hers, please…” *she gives it* “… and her date of birth?”

Bank Manager: “Mine, or hers?”

Me: “Hers…” *she gives it* “Okay, and her postcode.”

Bank Manager: “Why do you want my postcode?”

Me: “I don’t. I want her postcode. It’s her policy, so I need her details.”

(You get the general idea. This continued, right up until the very end of the insurance quote.)

Me: “So, the price for the year is [total].”

Bank Manager: “I’d have to pay that?!”

Me: “…”

Whole Grain, Half A Brain

, , , , | Right | October 28, 2008

(At our natural foods store, a customer swipes her card through the debit machine and is looking at me funny.)

Customer: “Um… where is the stylus?”

Me: “This machine doesn’t have one; we have a pen to sign anything. Did you want that as credit?”

Customer: “No, I want to enter my PIN but I don’t understand how I am supposed to do that with no stylus.”

Me: “Oh, well… you just press the buttons.”

Customer: “You mean I have to use my fingers?!”

Me: “Yes, you use your fingers…”


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