(As I serve an order of prime rib with a side of mushrooms…)
Customer: “Ohhh, eww!”
Me: “Is there a problem, ma’am?”
Customer: “Not really, I just don’t like mushrooms.”
Me: “I’m sorry, but I thought you ordered the mushrooms.”
Customer: “Oh, I did. But I just don’t like mushrooms.”
Me: “Welcome to [Magazine]. How can I help you?
Customer: “Hi, we just got a bill for an ad in your fall issue and I thought we had already paid and our contract was over.”
Me: “Let me get the insertion order.”
(I get the order.)
Me: “It says here you’ve signed up for a full-year contract, including our fall and winter issues.”
Customer: “But we’re not even open in the fall or the winter.”
Me: “But you signed for the contract.”
Customer: “Well, I didn’t read what I was signing…”
This story is part of the Very Wrong Customers roundup!
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Me: “[Frame Shop], how can I help you?”
Lady: “Hi. I have a problem with a mat I ordered.”
Me: “What is the problem?”
Lady: “Well, I wanted the mat to fit over a puzzle and on the puzzle box it says it is supposed to be 20″ by 28″, so that is what we ordered.”
Me: “Okay.”
Lady: “But I am putting the puzzle together and it is only 20″ by 23″.”
Me: “Well, if there is a problem I can always re-order the mat for you…”
Lady: “But the puzzle is supposed to be 20″ by 28″! Now it won’t fit in the frame I bought from you!”
Me: “Do you have the puzzle all put together?”
Lady: “No, not yet.”
Me: “…then how did you measure it?”
Lady: “I measured the edges!”
Me: “Are there any pieces with flat sides left?”
Lady: “Yes, but they don’t fit.”
Me: “Hmm, I see….”
(I spend the next fifteen minutes trying to explain to the customer that all of the flat pieces belong on the edges of the puzzle, without offending her or snickering.)
Customer: “I’ve been standing out there trying to pump gas for the last ten minutes! Your f****** gas pump is broken!”
Me: “I’m sorry. I’ll go out with you and see what I can do.”
(I see a bright red “Out of Order” bag on the nozzle; the customer has shoved everything into her tank, bag and all.)
Me: “Yes, that pump is broken. You’ll need to pull up to another pump.”
Customer: “Oh, well you guys should really mark it better. I wasted a lot of time here!”
Me: “Um… yes, we usually put a traffic cone in front.”
Customer: “Oh yeah…I saw it, but I didn’t know what it was for, so I just drove over it.”
(The cone was wedged under their car.)
Customer: “I got just back from my vacation and all of a sudden my internet connection isn’t working anymore. Have you got a technical problem in my area or something?”
Me: “No, ma’am, as far as I know, there aren’t any problems at this moment. Can you check which status lights are burning on your modem?”
(Now this is a standard check we do to troubleshoot; it’s very easy to tackle when something’s going wrong.)
Customer: “Alright, well, all lights are off. Are you sure there couldn’t be a problem on your side?”
Me: “No, miss, there aren’t any problems. I checked it when you were checking the status lights. But they were all off, you said?”
Customer: “Yeah, there wasn’t a light burning on my modem. What could that mean?”
Me: “Well, that could mean two things: Either the modem is broken or…”
Customer: “No, it can’t be broken, it’s almost brand new! You just want me to buy a new one so that it’s not your problem anymore, am I right?”
Me: “Well, to be honest: You’re not. I didn’t even finish my sentence yet. I said the modem COULD be broken, and if it’s broken and still brand new you’ll get a new one. The problem could also be that the power plug isn’t connected to the outlet properly. Maybe you’ve forgotten to plug it in after you came home from your holiday?”
Customer: “Are you implying that I’m so dumb that I’d forget that? It’s just broken so send me a new one!”
Me: “No, I’m not. But could you please check it, just to be sure?”
Customer: “Alright then…”
(After a minute.)
Customer: “Yeah, you were right, it wasn’t connected. But I’m sure this could happen to everyone!”
Me: “I suppose so. Have a nice day!”
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