(I work in the library. We have two computers to help the patrons check out books, but usually, we only use the first one. One day, the printer on this computer is broken, so in order to be able to give the patrons a ticket with the return date for their books, we use the second computer. No one is sitting at the first computer, but still, most patrons go up to the second computer, looking expectantly at me to come over, instead of coming to the computer I am sitting at, ready to help them. I get tired of repeating myself, so when this happens for the 148th time today, I say this:)

Me: “I’m sorry, but it looks like my invisible colleague does not want to help you at this time. I guess those are the perks of being invisible.”

(My colleague behind me could not help herself from laughing out loud, and luckily, the patron had some sense of humor, too. But really, when you are in the store, getting groceries, you do not go up to the cash register where no one is sitting, either.)

(I work at a swimming pool.)

Woman: “Can I leave my dog here?”

Me: “I’m afraid not, madam.”

Woman: “Why ever not? This is terrible service. I demand you tell me exactly why I cannot leave my dog here!”

Me: “This is a swimming pool.”

Woman: *after a pause* “He needs a bath!”

(As she left, she threw her dog in the pool and just left him. We called the police and they agreed to take the dog back to her. The owners of the pool felt the need to drain and refill it, and they forwarded the costs onto the woman. She apparently paid it while screeching that she’d be going to “different dog groomers” in future.)

(I work for an industrial supply company as a cashier and receptionist. One of my main responsibilities is to answer incoming calls and redirect them to the appropriate department.)

Me: “Hi. Thank you for calling [Company]. How may I direct your call?”

Caller: “Hi. I need to speak with [Sales Guy who is on vacation].”

Me: “I’m sorry, [Sales Guy] is actually not here today.”

Caller: “Is he going to be in tomorrow?”

Me: “I’m not entirely sure; he’s actually been on vacation so I’m not sure what day he comes back.”

Caller: *in a somewhat annoyed voice* “He’s on vacation?! But why?!”

Me: “Well, I’d assume to spend time with his family.”

(He seemed pretty content with that answer, but I’m not entirely sure what he was expecting.)

This happened several years ago when PCs were relatively new and networking wasn’t really a thing. We connected to a mainframe computer for email and for other functions.

I needed a document from someone, preferably in electronic form. I called her and asked if she had an electronic copy. No, she didn’t, but she could give me a copy if I brought a disk for her to put it on.

It took me a while, but I finally realized that, to her, “electronic” meant that it was in her electronic mail. Having it stored on her PC and transferring it to a disk was something else.

I think…

(I work as an IT Support person, answering phone calls and emails about IT problems. We work remotely so we are never physically at a customer’s site.)

Me: “Hello. How can I help you?”

Caller: “Hello! Our printer won’t stop printing! Please help! It’s going through a lot of pages!”

Me: “Okay, can you tell me which computer the printer is connected to? Has the print queue been cleared?”

Caller: “I’m not sure. I think it might be PC1, but we’ve stopped it for the moment.”

Me: “No worries. I’ll connect. You say you’ve stopped the printer; have you unplugged the printer?”

Caller: “No, we’ve put a spoon in it.”

Me: “Sorry, you’ve put a what in it?!”

Caller: “A spoon! We jammed it in the front. The paper isn’t moving now… Was that bad?”

Me: “Well… To be honest, it’s not great…”