(I’m the owner of several copy centers. In the early days, I used to be on location quite often to adapt the business to customer needs. I answer the phone in order to let employees concentrate on in-store clients.)

Customer: “Hi, is this [Copy Shop]?”

Me: “Yes, how may we help you?”

Customer: “I’ve seen your advertising on the street and it says you also make color copies?”

Me: “Of course.” *gives her some pricing information*

Customer: “Can you also make a color copy of my ID card?”

(This is a precise translation of the customer’s wording; luckily, I have a recording of the conversation.)

Me: “Yes, sure, we can do that.”

(I give the customer our address and instructions on how to get to us. One hour later, in the store, I overhear this from the back:)

Customer: “Hi.”

Employee: “How may I help you?”

Customer: “I spoke with somebody on the phone and he told me that you can make color copies.”

Employee: “Sure.” *gives pricing information* “Can I have the material?”

Customer: “Here you go.” *hands out an A4 sheet and a black and white copy of her ID card*

Employee: *confused* “Are you sure you want a color copy of this? Please note that using a color copier will usually give better quality in this instance.”

Customer: “Yes, sure!”

(My employee makes the copy, which is obviously still black and white, and gives it to the lady.)

Employee: “Here you go!”

Customer: “What’s this? Where are the colors?”

Employee: “Since your original only had the color black, it is the only color on the copy, even if it’s a color copy.”

Customer: “No, I want a color copy. I specially called in advance and asked if you make color copies and I was told so!”

Employee: “I am sorry, but what you demand is technically not possible; I would need your original ID and then the copy would have the colors.”

Customer: “Well, I don’t have it, so this will have to do. Please do your minimum-wage job or get somebody more competent here; I didn’t spend an hour reaching this place only to be refused service.”

Employee: “I’m sorry, but there is no one else to take your order.”

Customer: “How about the guy over there, pointing at me?!”

Employee: “That is our manager.”

Me: “I’m the owner, and it is me that you spoke with on the phone. Everything that my colleague did and said is correct.”

Customer: “Are you joking? Are you making fun of your clients? You gave me misleading information.”

Me: “No, the information was correct. Either you failed to provide us with all the information or failed to understand the basic concept of a copy.”

Customer: “Well, I don’t care. I was misled and I’m not leaving here unless there is color on that copy.”

Me: “Okay, one moment, please.”

(I go with the copy in the back, take some highlighters, and put some color on it before returning.)

Me: “Here you go.”

Customer: *still taking the sheet and before looking at it* “See, it was possible all along!” *looking at it* “What the h*** is this? Are you making fun of me?”

Me: “Yes, it’s most entertaining, and as it turns out, you were right; I was able to add some color.”

Customer: *takes the tip jar off the counter and throws it at me* “You are a cretin and an idiot! I’m going to close this business; I’ll send ‘Consumer Protection Oversight’ and the police! You’ll see!”

(She left, slamming the door, forgetting the folder containing all of her paperwork. That’s probably how she “lost” her ID in first place, to be left with only a copy. To this day, she hasn’t returned for her stuff, but as promised, we got a visit from the “Consumer Protection Oversight” after a complaint from her. They brought the complaint paper, which was quite accurate, and only came to see if it was true; they were as amused by the events as I was and did not even consider giving us a fine or asking for a bribe, as it usually happens around here!)

(A couple comes up to my register to purchase a microwave. As I’m ringing them up, I begin asking the standard questions that I’m required to ask.)

Me: “And it looks like we do offer you two years of coverage on the microwave in case anything goes wrong with it or it stops working. It would be just [price] to add that on today.”

Wife: “No, thanks.”

Husband: “Our last microwave lasted fifteen years before it broke, so I think we’ll be fine.”

Me: “Oh, okay!”

(I finalize their transaction and hand them the receipt, and the woman explains what happened to their last microwave. I proceed to tell her about a similar incident that my family once had with an old television set. She laughs, and then her husband speaks up.)

Husband: “So… Do you have any sort of coverage in case this microwave stops working?”

Me: “Well, yes, that’s what I offered you that two-year plan for.”

Husband: “No, but I mean, do you have any sort of coverage outside of that?”

Me: “Well, we do have a [length of time] return policy in case it gives you any issues right away and you want to bring it back.”

Wife: “But you don’t have any warranties on it or anything like that?”

Me: “The manufacturer has about a one- to two-year warranty on the microwave already, so you’d have to go through them if you had any problems.”

Husband: “But what if I were to take it home tonight and I tried to plug it in and it didn’t work?”

Wife: “Well, that’s what they offer the [length of time] return policy for.”

Me: “Yes.”

Wife: “So, you don’t stand behind your product at all?”

Me: “Well, it’s like if your dad owned a computer store. He doesn’t manufacture the computers, he’s just authorized to sell them. Since he doesn’t make them, it’s technically not his product, so he isn’t required to fix it if you have any problems. That’s the manufacturer’s job, since they are the ones that actually made the product.”

Husband: “So, if we brought it back here, you wouldn’t ship it out to the manufacturer to get it fixed?”

Me: “If you had the coverage on it, we would absolutely ship it back to the manufacturer for you if necessary. But if you don’t have the coverage on it, that’s something you would have to do yourself.”

Wife: “So, you don’t stand behind your product at all?”

Me: “I can’t think of many places that do that unless you buy their coverage on that product.”

Wife: “I can’t think of many places that don’t do that.”

Me: “Without you having to pay for it?”

Wife: “Yes! [Competitor #1] or [Competitor #2] would do that.”

(I know that NO store would take a product back after a certain amount of time without a customer having purchased coverage through that store, I decide to just go along with the woman’s crazy idea anyway instead of arguing.)

Me: “Oh, do they? I don’t shop there enough, so I don’t know too much about that.”

Wife: “Yes, they do.”

Me: “Oh, okay.”

Wife: *to husband* “Do you still want to get it here?”

Husband: “Well, I don’t know.”

Wife: “I don’t think we should get it here if they don’t stand behind their product.”

Husband: “Yeah.”

Wife: *to me* “Yeah, I think we’re going to return this right now.”

Me: *trying not to look frustrated, yet still smiling* “Okay! That’s totally fine! If you want to head over to [Returns Department], they would be more than happy to help you with that.”

Wife: “Right over there at [Returns Department]?”

Me: “Yep. Right over there where the sign says, ‘[Returns Department]’.”

Wife: “Okay, thanks.” *starts to walk off towards the returns department, then turns back to me* “We’re not blaming you. It’s not your fault; you’re just the messenger.”

Me: “Oh, no, I understand. It’s totally fine.”

(The couple walks over to the returns department and they do return the microwave. One of our managers has come up to my till to buy some food.)

Me: “What do you do if you offer [Our Coverage], the customer refuses it, you tell them about our return policy, and they get mad because we won’t stand behind our product unless they buy our coverage?”

Manager: “You tell them that we do stand behind our product; that’s what our coverage is for. You explain to them that it’s a really good deal, tell them why they should buy it, and tell them everything that it will cover. If they get mad about it, well, that’s their problem, and if they threaten to go to another competitor, you just say, ‘Okay,’ and if they want to do a return, you let them return it.”

Me: “So… I handled that entire situation correctly, then?”

Manager: “Yes.”

Me: “Okay.”

(The customers ended up getting their return, but I don’t know how far they’ll get with our competitor. Out of curiosity, I called our competitor to see if they offer such a plan that my customer was so sure that they DID offer, and I found out they don’t.)

(I work as a supervisor in a small local bakery. On Fridays and Saturdays, I have two teenagers in the shop to help out and, while they have a lot of promise, they still have a bit of learning to do. This all happens within about ten minutes. The phone rings.)

Me: *busy prepping orders* “[Teenager #1], hon, can you just check the caller ID for me?”

Teenager #1: “It’s the ordering company.”

Me: “Ah, brilliant. Can you just pick up and tell them we don’t need anything until next week?”

([Teenager #1] picks up the phone and, without saying the name of the bakery or even, “hello,” he says…)

Teenager #1: “We don’t need anything until next week.” *hangs up*

Me: “Uh, okay, we’re going to work on your phone manner, hon.”

(Two minutes later, I’m coming into the kitchen from the shop front.)

Teenager #2: “Oh, [My Name], where is Stalin from?”

Me: “He was from Russia.”

Teenager #2: “Oh, yeah. So, [Teenager #1], Stalin was this really famous Nazi…”

Me: “Erm, he was a communist and a Soviet leader.”

Teenager #2: “Are they different?”

(At this moment, I notice a customer in the shop front and go through to serve them.)

Customer: “Can I get the doughnut with the um… ah… millions and billions?”

Me: “Oh, hundreds and thousands!” *what British people call sprinkles*

Customer: “Oh, yeah! Sorry, you must think I’m a right idiot.”

Me: *smiling wanly* “Not at all, sir. In fact, do you want a job?”

(I work in a community pharmacy. I cannot tell you how many times I have heard this story in some variation, as have my staff and coworkers in this field.)

Patient: *comes up to the counter* “Hi, I need to fill my medication.”

Clerk: “Oh, of course. Which medication did you need today?”

Patient: “I don’t know; it’s on my profile.”

(The clerk reviews the patient’s profile, which has more than 25 prescriptions dating back years.)

Clerk: “Do you know which one? There’s a bit of a list on your profile.”

(At this point, they will usually say one of two things:)

Patient: “I don’t know. Just fill all of them.”

(Or…)

Patient: “It’s the white pill.”

(This is where the clerk will grab one of the pharmacists.)

Pharmacist: “I’m sorry, sir, but we can’t just fill everything on your profile, as we don’t know which of these medications you take or have stopped taking.”

(Also, the staff hate having to fill a dozen or more prescriptions, only for the patient to say they need one or two of them; the rest we have to put back, wasting all the time and effort we needed to fill.)

Pharmacist: “Do you know what you take it for? Diabetes? Blood pressure?”

Patient: “I don’t know. It’s the white pill.”

Pharmacist: “Most of the pills on your profile are white. Do you know how many times you take it? Was it big or small? The first letter of the name or the doctor who wrote it?”

Patient: “How am I supposed to know?! You’re the pharmacist! You should know this! IT’S A WHITE PILL! I KNOW IT’S ON THE COMPUTER!”

Pharmacist: “Sir, I need a little more information to go on than just the color. Here’s our card; you can go home, find it, and then call it in. Or bring the bottle with you next time and we can help you more.”

(The patient stomped off. Seriously, if you come to the pharmacy, please know something about what you want to pick up. The vast majority of all the pills on the shelf are white. Bring the bottle, take a picture of the bottle, write down the name. Something!)

A regular customer — who is always a bit difficult to deal with anyway — came in one day and paid for services with a debit card. He asked several times to be sure we ran the card as debit and not credit, used the PIN pad as is typical of a debit transaction, and left.

About a week later, he came back in absolutely furious that however we’d run his card made the bank take money out of his account. He absolutely refused to listen to the explanation of how debit cards work, and he stormed out.