Let Me Explain This To You In Black And White

, , , , , | Right | March 12, 2020

(I’m the owner of several copy centers. In the early days, I used to be on location quite often to adapt the business to customer needs. I answer the phone in order to let employees concentrate on in-store clients.)

Customer: “Hi, is this [Copy Shop]?”

Me: “Yes, how may we help you?”

Customer: “I’ve seen your advertising on the street and it says you also make color copies?”

Me: “Of course.” *gives her some pricing information*

Customer: “Can you also make a color copy of my ID card?”

(This is a precise translation of the customer’s wording; luckily, I have a recording of the conversation.)

Me: “Yes, sure, we can do that.”

(I give the customer our address and instructions on how to get to us. One hour later, in the store, I overhear this from the back:)

Customer: “Hi.”

Employee: “How may I help you?”

Customer: “I spoke with somebody on the phone and he told me that you can make color copies.”

Employee: “Sure.” *gives pricing information* “Can I have the material?”

Customer: “Here you go.” *hands out an A4 sheet and a black and white copy of her ID card*

Employee: *confused* “Are you sure you want a color copy of this? Please note that using a color copier will usually give better quality in this instance.”

Customer: “Yes, sure!”

(My employee makes the copy, which is obviously still black and white, and gives it to the lady.)

Employee: “Here you go!”

Customer: “What’s this? Where are the colors?”

Employee: “Since your original only had the color black, it is the only color on the copy, even if it’s a color copy.”

Customer: “No, I want a color copy. I specially called in advance and asked if you make color copies and I was told so!”

Employee: “I am sorry, but what you demand is technically not possible; I would need your original ID and then the copy would have the colors.”

Customer: “Well, I don’t have it, so this will have to do. Please do your minimum-wage job or get somebody more competent here; I didn’t spend an hour reaching this place only to be refused service.”

Employee: “I’m sorry, but there is no one else to take your order.”

Customer: “How about the guy over there, pointing at me?!”

Employee: “That is our manager.”

Me: “I’m the owner, and it is me that you spoke with on the phone. Everything that my colleague did and said is correct.”

Customer: “Are you joking? Are you making fun of your clients? You gave me misleading information.”

Me: “No, the information was correct. Either you failed to provide us with all the information or failed to understand the basic concept of a copy.”

Customer: “Well, I don’t care. I was misled and I’m not leaving here unless there is color on that copy.”

Me: “Okay, one moment, please.”

(I go with the copy in the back, take some highlighters, and put some color on it before returning.)

Me: “Here you go.”

Customer: *still taking the sheet and before looking at it* “See, it was possible all along!” *looking at it* “What the h*** is this? Are you making fun of me?”

Me: “Yes, it’s most entertaining, and as it turns out, you were right; I was able to add some color.”

Customer: *takes the tip jar off the counter and throws it at me* “You are a cretin and an idiot! I’m going to close this business; I’ll send ‘Consumer Protection Oversight’ and the police! You’ll see!”

(She left, slamming the door, forgetting the folder containing all of her paperwork. That’s probably how she “lost” her ID in first place, to be left with only a copy. To this day, she hasn’t returned for her stuff, but as promised, we got a visit from the “Consumer Protection Oversight” after a complaint from her. They brought the complaint paper, which was quite accurate, and only came to see if it was true; they were as amused by the events as I was and did not even consider giving us a fine or asking for a bribe, as it usually happens around here!)

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The Credit Crisis Becomes A Crisis When It Impacts Chocolate

, , , , | Right | January 17, 2020

(After school, my friend and I go to the grocery store. I get my magazine and she gets her sweets but when we reach the register, there’s a very angry woman screaming at the cashier.)

Woman: “Just get my money already! I don’t have time for this!”

Cashier: “Ma’am, as I explained, the card is maxed out. I’ll ask again, do you have another form of payment?”

Woman: “Of course I don’t. I only use my card!”

Friend: *quietly to me* “I guess no one told her majesty that credit cards aren’t magically unlimited.”

Woman: “Mind your own d*** business! DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM?”

Friend: “The overgrown brat who is wasting everyone’s time? I just went through seven hours of school including two tests, an oral presentation, and my period. I need my chocolate and I am trying very hard not to scream right now.”

(If looks could kill, that woman’s glare would’ve sent us into one of the nine circles of the underworld. The woman finally called what I assume was her husband from the car to bring cash to pay for her items. We just switched to another register.)

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A Tech Support Retort

, , , , | Right | October 31, 2019

(I’m working as a junior accountant at an ISP which also offers a free fax-to-email service to customers. Jerk It’s two hours past our working hours when the customer service line starts ringing, but I decide to answer it anyway.)

Me: “Hello, [Fax-To-Email Service], how can I help you?”

Customer: “Yeah, I’m trying to fax some documents to a client of mine, but he says he hasn’t received them. I need these sent out ASAP.”

(I go through the usual troubleshooting steps. I can tell the customer is getting angrier with every question I ask, but I’m trying to help them out anyway.)

Me: “Okay, I’m terribly sorry, but I can’t help you at the moment, as you are trying to send this document to a foreign country fax machine. The reason could be a technical error on our side or a problem with the fax line from Germany. Unfortunately, our offices closed at 5:00 pm, so none of our technical experts are available at the moment, but if you give me your name and contact number I will call you back first thing in the morning and let you know what is the issue and how we can have those documents sent to your client.”

Customer:What? No, you don’t understand. I pay for this service—” *reminder: it’s a free service* “—and I need these documents sent like yesterday and it’s your job to help me send them now.”

Me: “Ma’am, I’m really sorry but there’s nothing we can do right now, since there’s no one left in the office who could take a look at this problem. May I suggest trying to use a different number for your clients, just to rule out the possibility of a problem with their line?”

Customer: “NO! You are a fax company, you have a fax there, you send a fax to them.”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but I cannot use the company fax to send out client documents.”

Customer: “Yeah, I know you can’t. You just answer calls and drink coffee all day, right?”

Me: “Actually, I’m a junior accountant and answering customer calls is the least of my priorities here, especially when it’s way past my working hours and I’m trying to finish something.”

Customer: “This is not how you treat a paying customer! I will call [local Customer Protection Authority] and complain about this! What’s your name? I will call your boss and tell them about their lazy employees who are being rude to their customers.”

Me: *calmly* “My name is [My Name], my manager’s name is [Manager]. If you prefer, you could take this issue straight to our CEO, [CEO]. They will both be here tomorrow at 9:00 am, like the rest of our employees. Is there anything else I can help you with?”

Customer: *silent for a few seconds* “NO!” *hangs up*

Me: “Hey, [Manager, who was anxiously waiting for the call to end so she could have a laugh at me], make sure you’re not late tomorrow morning; someone wants you to teach me a lesson.”

(Of course, we never heard from the customer ever again and I didn’t get into any trouble.)

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Doesn’t Get The Closed Concept

, , | Right | January 15, 2019

(I work at an IT company that’s situated right above a very popular store in my area. There are thousands of customers daily, but the store is closed for two days for renovations. There are workers outside with power tools, and because the store has a glass front, you can see people inside picking up the floor and working in general. There are also large flags outside saying when the store will reopen. You can access the store through our door, but you need an access card to go in. A potential customer of the store walks up the stairs to our door while I’m outside on my break. He tries the door but it won’t open.)

Customer: “How do I get in the store?”

Me: “I’m sorry, but the store is closed for the next couple of days.”

Customer: “Okay, but how do I get in?”

(I’m visibly confused.)

Me: “You can’t. They closed the store since they’re renovating. It wouldn’t even be safe, or sanitary, since they’re picking up the floor.”

(I point to the stack of tiles in front of the store.)

Customer: “Do you have an emergency exit or a fire escape at the back?”

Me: “Yes, of course. But you need an access card to open it.”

Customer: “Can I get to it?”

Me: “Technically, yes, but you have to be an employee or visitor to enter, and that door is only used for emergencies.”

Customer: “Well, then, how am I supposed to get in the store?”

Me: “You can’t.”

(He got visibly angry and stormed down the stairs. As I got up to go back to work, I saw him talking to one of the workers in front of the store. I wonder what they were talking about.)

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Unfiltered Story #136304

, | Unfiltered | January 8, 2019

(I’m the customer in this story, sitting in the cafe, when I see two employees coming out of the Men’s bathroom, talking)

Employee #1: So what do you think he does in there?
Employee #2: I don’t know, but he’s so creepy, I don’t want to deal with him anymore.
(By this point, the two see me staring at them and come over. I’m a regular at this cafe, so they know me well.)
Me: What’s going on?
Employee #1: There’s this strange customer that always comes in and orders the same thing, a strawberry tea. After he leaves, we find the whole sink and the mirror in the bathroom covered in the red liquid.
Employee #2: I actually saw him going into the bathroom with his cup today.
Employee #1: Yeah, we’re pretty freaked out by this. The manager told us to be careful when he comes in.
(They later told me he confessed he was washing his hair with the tea because he thought it smelled good.)