Your Attitude Can’t Be Scanned At The Checkout

, , , , , | Right | July 27, 2018

(It’s Friday evening before Easter and I’m checking out my groceries at a busy local supermarket. I’m a bit in a rush, but the cashier is very young and it looks like she’s in her first days of work. Some guy in his forties behind me taps his feet nervously and stares at her slow scanning. Of course, this doesn’t improve the scanning speed at all. After about five minutes or so:)

Impatient Customer: “GOD! Can you hurry up? It must be painful to be so stupid you can only be hired as a cashier.”

Me: “I agree she’s slow, but why do you think she’s stupid?”

Impatient Customer: “All she has to do is scan some labels; how smart do you think she has to be?”

(Visibly offended, the stressed cashier scans one of my products twice by mistake. She calls a supervisor to cancel the double-scan.)

Impatient Customer: *superior* “See? What did I tell you?”

Me: “You were right. I bet you can do it faster than she does.”

Impatient Customer: “You bet I can!”

(The supervisor arrives to cancel the double-scanned product. I approach him:)

Me: “Hello. Can you please get me a manager?”

Supervisor: “Good evening. I’m the shift supervisor; what seems to be the problem?”

Me: “Your employee here scans the products very slowly and the gentleman behind me is in a rush. He’s a lot smarter than your employee and much faster at scanning products. Since the line behind us is quite big, I was wondering if you can let him check out his own groceries to speed up the line.”

Cashier: “…”

Supervisor: “Excuse me?”

Impatient Customer: *turning red* “I didn’t…”

(Silence. I showed a massive grin to the smiling cashier, paid, and waved the smarta** good-bye. All I heard was a faint, “I’m sorry,” while pushing my cart to the parking lot.)

Not Speaking The Same Programming Language

, , , | Right | May 6, 2018

(My father repairs computers as a secondary job. A customer is asking him for help with his new computer.)

Customer: “I want some programs on my computer.”

Father: “Bring the PC and—”

Customer: “What?”

Father: “You have a screen, a box, a mouse, and a keyboard. Bring the box.”

Customer: “Okay.”

(He brought the box in which he received the PC. He even had some chains to keep the box closed, so that the programs wouldn’t fall out!)

Hungry Never Forgets

, , , , , | Related | March 12, 2018

(This happens when my brother is four or five years old. We have a rule that it’s okay if you don’t want any dinner, but you won’t be getting anything else until the next morning.)

Mom: “Guys, dinner is on the table.”

Little Brother: “I’m not hungry.”

Mom: “[Little Brother], please eat something, or you’ll be hungry later.”

Little Brother: “No. I don’t want to.”

Mom: “That’s fine. Just wash up and get ready for bed, then.”

(In about twenty minutes:)

Little Brother: “Moooom, I’m hungry. Make me something, please.”

Mom: “No, sorry. You’ve had your chance. You’ll have breakfast in the morning.”

(After a little crying and pleading he goes to bed. Fast forward a few weeks later, when our grandfather comes to visit and stays with us for a few days:)

Mom: *to grandfather* “Dad, are you hungry? I can make you something to eat.”

Grandfather: “No, thanks, honey. I ate before I left home, and I’m not that hungry.”

Little Brother: “Pop, you’d better eat, or she will make you go to bed hungry.”

Burning The Midnight Lube

, , , | Working | August 17, 2017

(I work at a big farm in Romania. My boss is French but he’s been living here for about 20 years, so he speaks Romanian. As we are a rather large, we also have an irrigation system that usually works non-stop. This particular night, one of the pipes that supplies water for our irrigation system doesn’t work. The pipe is owned by a different company. The following conversation happens between my boss and the executive of the said company, at midnight.)

Boss: “Hi, we have a problem with the pipe [reference] for the fields [reference], and—”

Executive: “It’s midnight. I don’t know what you are doing in France at this hour, but here we f*** our wives!” *hangs up*