Not Speaking The Same Programming Language

, , , | Right | May 6, 2018

(My father repairs computers as a secondary job. A customer is asking him for help with his new computer.)

Customer: “I want some programs on my computer.”

Father: “Bring the PC and—”

Customer: “What?”

Father: “You have a screen, a box, a mouse, and a keyboard. Bring the box.”

Customer: “Okay.”

(He brought the box in which he received the PC. He even had some chains to keep the box closed, so that the programs wouldn’t fall out!)

Hungry Never Forgets

, , , , , | Related | March 12, 2018

(This happens when my brother is four or five years old. We have a rule that it’s okay if you don’t want any dinner, but you won’t be getting anything else until the next morning.)

Mom: “Guys, dinner is on the table.”

Little Brother: “I’m not hungry.”

Mom: “[Little Brother], please eat something, or you’ll be hungry later.”

Little Brother: “No. I don’t want to.”

Mom: “That’s fine. Just wash up and get ready for bed, then.”

(In about twenty minutes:)

Little Brother: “Moooom, I’m hungry. Make me something, please.”

Mom: “No, sorry. You’ve had your chance. You’ll have breakfast in the morning.”

(After a little crying and pleading he goes to bed. Fast forward a few weeks later, when our grandfather comes to visit and stays with us for a few days:)

Mom: *to grandfather* “Dad, are you hungry? I can make you something to eat.”

Grandfather: “No, thanks, honey. I ate before I left home, and I’m not that hungry.”

Little Brother: “Pop, you’d better eat, or she will make you go to bed hungry.”

Burning The Midnight Lube

, , , | Working | August 17, 2017

(I work at a big farm in Romania. My boss is French but he’s been living here for about 20 years, so he speaks Romanian. As we are a rather large, we also have an irrigation system that usually works non-stop. This particular night, one of the pipes that supplies water for our irrigation system doesn’t work. The pipe is owned by a different company. The following conversation happens between my boss and the executive of the said company, at midnight.)

Boss: “Hi, we have a problem with the pipe [reference] for the fields [reference], and—”

Executive: “It’s midnight. I don’t know what you are doing in France at this hour, but here we f*** our wives!” *hangs up*