Singleminded Surcharge

, , | Right | July 11, 2008

(I work in an electrical department. At this time, a woman is looking at a light display.)

Me: “Are you finding everything alright?”

Customer: “Yes. Where is this?”

(I lead her to the box, on an end cap. It’s a two-fixtures-for-the-price-of-one thing.)

Customer: “Oh, there’s two in there…”

Me: “Yes. But the price is the same as on the display, so you get an extra for spare parts or whatever.”

Customer: “Well, I only want one!”

Me: “You can always just sell the spare on a garage sale or something. Or if you’re like me, you might break the glass someday and so you’ll have a spare.”

Customer: “I only want one!”

Me: “…”

(The customer proceeded to pick out a nearly-identical looking fixture that was about three times the price–all because she only wanted one.)

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Neverending Query

, , , | Right | July 10, 2008

(The phone rings at 11 pm, although our restaurant has been closed since 10 pm.)

Me: “Thank you for choosing [Restaurant]. How can I help you?”

Customer: “Yeah, I’d like to place an order for delivery.”

Me: “Sorry, ma’am, we’re closed.”

Customer: “I don’t understand. Why are you answering the phone?”

Me: “I have to. Even though we’re closed, we still might get important phone calls.”

Customer: “I still don’t understand. Why are you closed?”

Me: “We have regular business hours to follow, and on weekdays we’re only open till 10 pm.”

Customer: “But I don’t understand… Why are you answering the phone if you’re closed, then?”

Me: *face desk*

(It went in circles like that for about ten minutes. I finally got tired of her ‘why’ questions and it had really had been a horrible night… so, I hung up the phone.)

Me: *to other employees* “You wouldn’t believe this lady…”

*phone rings*

Me: “Thank you for choosing [Restaurant]. How can I help you?”

Customer: “So, why are you still answering the phone if you’re closed?”

Me: *multiple face desks*

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And We Wonder Who Clicks On Spam…

, , , , | Right | July 10, 2008

Me: “Thank you for calling [Bank]. How may I help you?”

Customer: “Hello, I seem to have a problem with my online banking.”

Me: “Okay, I’d be happy to help…”

(I identify her and find nothing wrong with her accounts, no flags or overdrafts.)

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but I’m not seeing anything wrong on our end. Can you describe what the problem is?”

Customer: “I don’t know what the problem is. I just got a message from you that said ‘Contact Us’.”

Me: “Okay, can you read me the message you received?”

Customer: “It says ‘Contact Us’.”

Me: “That’s all, contact us, and that’s it? No explanation?”

Customer: “That’s all! It just says ‘Contact Us’ in blue letters right above my messages.”

Me: “Wait, above your messages? You mean the link?”

Customer: “The what?”

Me: “Ma’am, the blue message to contact us is a hyperlink to a blank letter. It wasn’t telling you to contact us; the link is always there for feedback, like a suggestion box.”

Customer: “Oh… well, can I please speak with your supervisor! I cannot be the only one who thought this!”

(I transfered her over and proceeded to bang my head against my keyboard.)

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No, But They Do A Wonderful Brogue

, , | Right | July 10, 2008

Me: “Hi, do you need any help?”

Guest: “Yeah… do the chimps, like, speak English?”

Me: “Ummm…. no.”

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…And Fruit Hates You Right Back

, , , | Right | July 7, 2008

Me: “Hi, how can I help you today?”

Customer: “Yeah, I’d like a Coke.”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, we make smoothies here. Have you looked at our menu?”

Customer: “You don’t have any Coke?”

Me: “No, sir. Just fruit drinks.”

Customer: “Oh. Well, I’ll have a coffee then.”

Me: “Sir, we don’t serve coffee here. Just smoothies.”

Customer: “What kind of drink shop is this?! I come in here trying to get a drink, and you don’t have anything!”

Me: “We’re a smoothie shop, sir. What kind of fruit do you like?”

Customer: “I HATE FRUIT!” *storms out of the store*

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