I work in the garden center of a home/garden store. An older-looking man comes to the register.

Customer: “Excuse me, do you guys have any panties?”

I’m glad I’m wearing a mask as I can’t imagine the expression that must be on my face, but I keep it together enough to say:

Me: “I’m sorry?”

Customer: “You know, the flowers with the girly name.”

Me: *Sighs* “You mean pansies?”

Customer: “Yeah, pannies, panties, pansies, all the same thing.”

No, they aren’t.

Me: “Last table down on the right.”

Well, at least I wasn’t dealing with a perv at 10:00 am!

We had our second lockdown, which lasted around three months, and during that time, we were still working. We sell mostly furniture and kitchenware. Our Click & Collect service got a big notch up and went from around seventy orders a week to 1,000 a day.

One day, I spotted a customer on his way into the store while my colleague was busy talking to another customer. First, I thought that something had been dropped off of his order, as he was walking in with a cart filled with things. I approached him and told him he couldn’t enter the store as it was closed. He looked confused and asked why the others got their items if they hadn’t been shopping in the store. That confused me for a second, but I told him that they got their items through our Click & Collect service and we handed it to them.

He huffed and said he wasn’t there to collect anything but to return some items.

Me: “I’m sorry, but we’re closed, which means you can’t return anything. You have to wait until the store is allowed to open again.”

Customer: “I’m here now, so why can’t you just take it back and give me my money?”

Me: “We are not allowed to do so. You’re not allowed to even get into the store, so please leave. I’m sorry that we can’t help you now, but once we’re open again, we’ll be happy to help you return your items. Until then, please be patient.”

Customer: “I want to return my items now. I’m here, so what’s the problem? The registers are just over there, and I don’t need cash; just transfer it to my credit card.”

I’m sighing inwardly, not really wanting to deal with this man. Fortunately, our team leader has noticed and comes over, asking what the problem is.

Customer: “I want to return my items. Now.”

Team Leader: “That is not possible right now. You’ll have to wait until we’re allowed to open the store again.”

Customer: “I can’t wait for that and I’m here. I can’t see what the problem is.”

Team Leader: “The problem is that it’s not legal for us to do so right now and we could get a fine if we gave in to your demands. So, leave and wait for us to open again.”

Customer: “BS. You’re making this up.”

Team Leader: “We are not allowed to let customers into the store, no matter whether they’re buying or returning. Please leave now or I’ll have to call security.”

The customer huffed but turned and left at the threat of security coming.

Me: “Your total comes to [total].”

Customer: “I don’t have that on me right now. I’ll just come back to pay.”

Me: “All right. I’ll keep th—”

I cut off as the lady just picks up the items and attempts to walk out.

Me: “Ma’am! You can’t leave with the items. You have to leave them here!”

Customer: “Oh, it’s fine! My son is a cop!”

Me: “That’s lovely, but the items can’t leave the store if they’re not paid for.”

Customer: “My son is a cop! I’m not going to just not pay! I’ll come back!”

Me: “Okay, I’m sure that’s true, but I still can’t let you leave with unpaid merchandise. If I let you do it, then I have to let everyone else do it and most people wouldn’t come back.”

Customer: “Well, I’m not most people! My son is a cop!”

Me: “Yes, ma’am, I understand, but I’m not willing to lose my job over this.”

Customer: “FINE!”

She jammed her debit card into the machine angrily.

Seriously?!

A nice lady comes into my store and orders a new refrigerator. This is a basic model with no bells or whistles. We set it up for next-day delivery, and she pays, thanks us, and leaves. The next morning, she calls.

Me: “Good morning! Thank you for calling [Store]. This is [My Name]; how may I help you?”

Customer: “Hi! I placed an order yesterday for a fridge and I need to cancel it.”

I get her information pulled up.

Me: “All right, I can do that for you right now. Since you paid with your store card, it will be refunded to that card within forty-eight hours. May I ask why you are canceling?”

Customer: “Yes. I had a dream last night and the digital came out of that fridge and killed me.”

Me: “The digital? Ma’am, there is nothing digital on this model.”

Out of nowhere, the customer bursts into hysterical tears and starts screaming from fear. 

Customer: “IF I LET THAT THING INTO MY HOUSE, I’LL DIE! THE DIGITAL WILL GET ME! THE DIGITAL WILL GET MEEEEE! I CAN’T HAVE THAT THING IN MY HOUSE!”

Me: “Okay, ma’am, please calm down. I’ve already canceled the order. The… digital… won’t get you.”

Customer: *A bit calmer but still crying* “Thank you so much!” *Hangs up*

I stared at the phone in my hand for a moment before slowly hanging it up. My coworkers and I never did figure THAT one out! I hope she’s okay.

I’m doing my weekly grocery shop at 8:00 am. I see an older lady doing her shopping and she comes out of the store with a cart, which holds about twelve bottles of wine and nothing else. She ends up in front of the elevator. She walks toward it, goes back, looks at it, and turns around. She spots me and walks toward me.

Customer: “I, eh… don’t know how it works.”

Me: *Confused* “Oh, well… you press that button and…”

Customer: “Oh, but I’ll have no idea where I will end up!”

Me: “Oh, don’t worry, you—”

Customer: “I’ll just take the escalator.”

This escalator is more of a flat surface, so it’s easy to go up with a cart.

Me: “Eh… okay, then, I guess…”

I am confused: first, because she does not seem to know how an elevator works, and second, because I thought she asked for assistance and now she’s completely ignoring me.

I just go up on the escalator and I see the lady again. She needs to go up one more floor, but that floor can either be reached through the staircase escalator or the elevator. She looks a bit… panicked. 

Customer: “I… I have no choice but to take that elevator, right?”

Me: “Yeah, if you need to go up… Let’s press this button for you.”

Customer: “But how will I get out?”

Me: “Don’t worry. See those doors over there? Those will open when you get up. Now, remember, you are at ‘-1’ now, so you will need to press the ‘0’ button, to go up.”

Customer: “The ‘0’?”

Me: “Yes, I know it sounds weird. The grocery store is in the basement, we are now at ‘-1’, the garage, and ‘0’ is the ground surface with all the other stores.

The doors opened and the lady went in. I once again mentioned that she needed to press the ‘0.’ I could have joined her, but confined small spaces worry me. I hurried up the other escalator, and when I got up, the doors opened and the lady walked out. She acted like nothing was amiss. She even seemed to ignore me.

I don’t know if she was confused, but her responses did confuse me.