A Healthy Conversation About Religion

, , , , , | Right | November 9, 2018

(I’m a cashier. A customer sneezes several times as he approaches one of the self-checkout stations.)

Me: “Ah, gesundheit, sir!”

Customer: “You know you shouldn’t be saying that to people, miss.”

(A little perplexed, I stop making rounds around the self-checkout stations and turn to look at him.)

Me: “I’m sorry, sir? What should I not be saying?”

Customer: “You shouldn’t say, ‘God bless you,’ to people.”

Me: “Eh, I didn’t say, ‘God bless you,’ though, sir; I said, ‘Gesundheit.’”

Customer: “I heard what you said; ‘gesundheit’ means ‘God bless you.’” *beginning to get irked*

(It takes me a moment to process what the man’s just said to me, since I know for a fact that “Gesundheit” means something like, “Good health to you.” But before I have a chance to respond to the man, he starts off on a tirade about how he can’t stand the fact that people have to shove matters like religion and God onto him and others all the time and can’t keep their opinions to themselves and whatnot. Meanwhile, I’m standing there, stock-still and quiet, as I’m holding my handheld monitor to my chest, definitely feeling a bit more than dumbfounded at what I’m hearing, all because I said a simple phrase! At some point I finally find a break in the man’s fervent outburst and manage to get a word in.)

Me: “Um, sir? ‘Gesundheit’ doesn’t mean ‘God bless you.’ It’s German for ‘Good health to you.’”

Customer: *stares at me again* “You sure about that?”

Me: “Completely so, sir.”

Customer: “It has nothing to do with God.”

Me: “No.”

Customer: “Oh. Well, you know, you still shouldn’t say, ‘God bless you,’ to someone.”

Me: *actually feels my eyelid twitch a bit at this* “Yes, sir, I know that. Anyway, if you should at all require assistance while checking out, sir, let me know, okay? I’d be more than happy to help you.”

(I had to walk away from the man ASAP as I had a feeling that he would continue to incessantly drone on about why you shouldn’t say, “God bless you,” to someone when they sneeze. Honestly, had I known the man was going to get so cantankerous about me saying something with polite intention when he sneezed I’d have just stayed quiet! I’m not even religious, anyway!)

A Book To Fall For

, , , , , | Right | October 1, 2018

(A middle-aged lady comes in to pick up a book she placed on hold, and starts browsing around a bit in the kid’s book section before checking out. A few minutes later, I glance towards the back of the store and see an arm on the ground. Running over, I see her flat on her back. She doesn’t appear to be breathing, and her eyes are open but not moving, even when I wave my hand in front of her face.)

Me: *hoping to God she’s not dead and trying to remember the CPR I learned in high school* “Ma’am, are you all right? Ma’am?”

(No response, not even a twitch, and now I’m almost positive she’s just dropped dead. I run to the nearest employee, not wanting to shout and panic the children in the store, and tell my colleague to call 911 before running back to the lady. I have no emergency medical training, and the most I can figure to do is try checking her pulse and starting hands-only CPR, which I know can break ribs, so I’m trying to gear up mentally for that. Luckily, by the time I get back to her, she’s blinking and looking around. Whew.)

Me: “Ma’am? How are you feeling?”

Lady: “Just a little dizzy.”

(She’s speaking very slowly, and seems confused and out of it.)

Me: “Are you all right? I think you just passed out.”

Lady: “No, I just got a little dizzy and fell down.”

Me: “Well, we’ve called 911, and there are EMTs on their way to check you out, just in case.”

Lady: “Oh, no… Please don’t call 911. I’m fine; I just got a little dizzy.”

Me: “You took a bit of a spill, and I’m not comfortable letting you leave without making sure you’re all right.”

Lady: “But I don’t need to go to the hospital.”

(We go back and forth, with her insisting she’s fine, even though she sounds concussed at minimum, and me insisting that they’re already on their way and she needs to be checked out. The whole time I want to shout at her, “Lady, I thought you were DEAD! You are talking to a medical professional come Hell or high water, if only so I can sleep tonight without worrying about you REALLY dropping dead in an hour from an aneurysm or something!”)

Me: *getting firm with her* “I’m sorry, but you need to be checked out by the EMTs. In the meantime, you stay lying down here and rest. Do you need anything? Can I get you some water or a pillow?”

Lady: *looking resigned and still pretty out of it* “No, I’m okay.”

(Desperate for something to do to take my mind off of this drama while waiting for the ambulance, I decide to at least tidy the area around her so I can keep my hands busy and keep an eye on her just in case. I bend over and pick up the book she dropped on the ground when she went down.)

Lady: “Oh, I still want the book!”

(Absolutely stunned, I set the book back on the ground next to her. The ambulance arrived a couple of minutes later, and when the EMTs helped her stand up to check her out, she passed out cold again. They ended up rolling her out of the store on a gurney and taking her to the hospital. But here’s the real kicker: a couple of hours later, after she’d been discharged, she came back in and BOUGHT THAT D*** “FINDING DORY” BOOK. Gotta admire the determination.)

Unfiltered Story #119049

, , | Unfiltered | August 27, 2018

(A customer walks up to the customer service desk of the grocery store that I work at while I’m the only person at the desk.)
Customer: *slamming his bagged deli meat and cheese on the counter* “These rang up wrong! There is a sign for a sale and they rang up regular price!”
Me: “Alright, sir. May I see your receipt?”
(He hands me the receipt and I check the price that it rang up compared to the price marked on the package. One of them was on sale, but both rang up for the price marked.)
Me: “Well, sir, they both seem to have rang up for the price marked. Where did you see the sign for the sale?”
Customer: *pointing towards our Automated Deli Kiosk* “On that machine over there! I’ll show you!”
(I follow after him, making sure to bring the items and the receipt with me. He brings up the meat that he bought onto the kiosk.)
Customer: “See! $3.99 a pound! How much did that ring up for?”
Me: *Looking at the package* “… $3.99 a pound.”
(The pauses for a long moment.)
Customer: “You know what we’re gonna do? Give me that and my receipt. *Takes the deli meat, cheese and his receipt from my hand.* I’ve had it with Kroger!” *storms out of the store*
Me: “I’m sorry your stuff rang up right.”

Picked Fresh From The M&M Tree

, , , , , | Right | July 18, 2018

(A customer comes through my line with a young child. I just started the order and she hands me two boxes of fruit snack variety packs.)

Customer: “I don’t want these. They say, ‘No artificial flavors,’ and I thought that meant no artificial colors. That’s kind of a weird thing to put on a box.”

Me: “Well, not really.”

Customer: *handing me a bag of M&Ms* “Can you scan these real quick? They’re open.”

Me: “…”

(She had another large bag of M&M Minis in her order. I guess she thinks they come in those colors naturally?)

Refunder Blunder, Part 38

, , , , , | Right | July 11, 2018

(I work in a call center for an online, high-end store. Mostly, I help customers with their online orders and returns. We work with another company that provides 50% discounts to their members for use on our website. The following call takes place with a customer who used the 50% discount towards a product but then returned it, so he was refunded for the discounted amount that he paid.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Company]. My name is [My Name]; how may I help you?”

Customer: “Yes, I’m looking for the status of my refund.”

Me: “I would be happy to check on that for you. Can you please provide me with the order number from which items were returned?”

(The customer gives me his information, I pull up his order and see that the refund was already processed, so I begin to give him the information.)

Me: “Okay, sir, looks like your refund was processed on November 14—” *which is about five months ago from the time of call* “—in the amount of $100.00. Would you like the confirmation number for your records?”

Customer: “Why is it only $100? The product I purchased cost $200!”

Me: “Yes, sir, but you used a 50% discount, so you only paid $100.”

Customer: “No, I want the full amount back!”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but we cannot refund you more money than what you actually paid.”

(The customer’s wife takes the phone from the customer and begins yelling at me.)

Customers Wife: “That’s not fair! We deserve the full amount!”

Me: “Ma’am, while it is true that the item was originally listed for $200, you used a discount and only paid $100 for the product. We’ve refunded you the full amount that you paid. We cannot give you back more than what you paid for the product.”

(The husband then takes the phone back.)

Customer: “Shut up!”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Customer: “You keep repeating the same stupid thing over and over again. Just give us back our money!”

Me: “Sir, I’m not sure how much clearer I can make this. We have already refunded you all of the money you paid to us in November. We cannot give you more money than what you paid. There is nothing more I can do for you regarding this matter.”

Customer: “I don’t accept that!”

(This goes back and forth for literally another twenty minutes, with me explaining what I think is common sense in every different way that I can, while the customer and his wife continually interrupt me.)

Customer’s Wife: “Well, that’s just not fair! Your refund policy states I have 90 days to return the item! It says so right here on my receipt!!”

Me: “Yes? And you did return the item. And then we refunded you in full. But that doesn’t change the fact that we can’t just give you an extra $100 for nothing, when you only paid $100 to begin with and we already refunded you that amount. We can’t give you more money than you initially gave to us.”

Customer: “Fine. If you can’t help me, then I want your manager! And I’ll never order from you again!

Me: “…” *transfers customer and then immediately puts myself in break status to go physically hide from the stupidity*

Related:
Refunder Blunder, Part 37
Refunder Blunder, Part 36
Refunder Blunder, Part 35

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