Needs To Take A Sabbath-ical From Stupidity

| NC, USA | Right | December 27, 2013

(I am the manager of the cashiers. A customer is talking to one of my cashiers.)

Customer: “You know you are going to Hell? Right?”

Coworker: “Excuse me?”

Customer: “You are going because you are working on a Sunday.”

Coworker: “Well, I guess I will see you there since you are shopping.”

(The customer’s face goes red but he says nothing else. He pays and leaves. The coworker comes up to me.)

Coworker: “Oh, gosh. I am not going to get fired am I?”

Me: “Not by my standards you aren’t!”

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Extra Small Minded

| Calgary, AB, Canada | Right | December 27, 2013

(I work for a very well-known clothing store that caters to plus sized women. The smallest size is 14W. A very skinny woman walks into the store.)

Me: “Hi, there! How can I help you today? Are you shopping for a gift?”

Customer: “No. I am shopping for myself today.”

Me: “Alright. Just so you know, we are a size 14+ store. We do have some nice accessories. May I help you find anything?”

Customer: “No. I just want to look around.”

(The customer wanders off. I start puttering around, cleaning some things, as we are slow. A few minutes later I notice her holding a top and wandering around looking a bit confused.)

Me: “Hey. Is there anything I can help you find?”

Customer: “Where are your smaller sizes?”

Me: “I’m sorry. As I mentioned earlier the smallest size we carry is 14 wide, or extra large.”

Customer: “But where are the SMALLER sizes?”

Me: “Again, I’m sorry. We do not carry small sizes.”

Customer: “Yes, yes. But where do you keep the smaller sizes?”

Me: “Miss, I’m sorry. I don’t know how else to explain this to you. [Store] is plus-sized retail chain. We make clothes for women who look like me.”

(I gesture to my size 24 figure. All of a sudden a look of realization comes into the woman’s eyes. She looks around as if seeing the other employees, customers, and myself for the first time.)

Customer: “Wait. This is a store for FATTIES?”

(The customer drops the shirt she’d been holding as if it’s going to burn her and storms out. I just stand there, totally stunned. A few customers shoot the skinny woman dirty looks.)

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The High Point Of Black Friday

| ME, USA | Right | December 26, 2013

(I work in a chocolatier. We’ve opened at midnight for our Black Friday sale. My job is to greet shoppers as they come in and offer everyone a sample. By 4 am I’m exhausted from the rush. A customer comes in. He is red faced, and wearing a shirt several sizes too small.)

Customer: “Hey. You know what? I’ve always thought you guys should sell chocolate belly buttons!”

Me: “Um… I’m sorry?”

Customer: “You should sell chocolate belly buttons!”

(The customer takes a sample, and then leaves. I turn to my manager.)

Me: “What was that?”

Manager: “Oh, he was definitely high. Welcome to Black Friday sales!”

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Trying To Put Her Stamp On Christmas

| England, UK | Right | December 26, 2013

(It is close to Christmas. We sell postage stamps, but as we are not a post office we only sell them in books.)

Customer: “Hi. I’ve got these Christmas cards to post. I need fourteen stamps, please.”

Me: “That’s fine. I have books of 6 first-class or 12 second-class.”

Customer: “14 second-class then, please.”

Me: “I’m sorry. We only sell second-class stamps in books of 12.”

Customer: “Yes. I need 14 stamps, please.”

Me: “Okay. So, 2 books of second-class stamps will be [amount].”

Customer: “What! That seems a lot of money for 14 stamps.”

Me: “No, madam. That is for 24 stamps. We only sell them in books of 12.”

Customer: “But I only want 14!”

Me: “We are not a post-office, madam. We only sell stamps in books of 6 first-class or 12 second-class. In order to get 14 stamps you will have to buy two books. Will you not be able to use the rest at a later date? If it’s a real problem there is a post office just around the corner which will be open in the morning.”

Customer: “No. I need 14 stamps”.

(This goes on for some time. She eventually twigs, and buys one book of 12 stamps. We saw her talking to a colleague of ours outside. It turns out she was setting off to walk three miles to drop off the other two cards so she didn’t need the postage! This was about three weeks before Christmas. Goodness knows why she couldn’t wait for the post office to open.)

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Too Rich For Jesus’ Blood

| Gulf Shores, AL, USA | Right | December 26, 2013

(It is late November, after Thanksgiving. I am working at the register closest to the Christmas stuff. Nearly everyone comes through with something for the holidays. A customer comes to my counter with a can of bug spray.)

Me: “Hello. Is this everything?”

Customer: “Yeah. I couldn’t find any d*** patio furniture because you moved all the f****** Christmas crap in! It’s getting earlier every year!”

(I decide not to point out that it’s almost December and instead try a different approach.)

Me: “Well, ma’am, I think they try to do that so the regular, working person can have a good Christmas. I mean, it costs a lot of money to buy the tree, the lights, and presents all at once. But if we get the stuff out early, people can buy a bit each week and have a pretty good spread by Christmas.”

Customer: “Ugh! If they can’t afford everything at once, they just shouldn’t celebrate! Poor people don’t deserve Christmas!”

(I am stunned as the customer grabs her item off the counter and stomps away. The next customer behind her dumps an entire pile of wrapping paper and bows on the counter.)

Next Customer: *loudly* “Yeah! Didn’t you know Jesus, the Savior of mankind, was born in a five-star hotel?”

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