Listening Is Priceless

, | Sacramento, CA, USA | Right | February 25, 2014

(A customer comes in to ask about a large printing order. I inform her that printing her order will take a few hours, but that we could have everything copied by the end of the day. She agrees to place an order with us, as she is in a rush and no other copy center in town could get the prints done in less than seven days.)

Me: “Do you know approximately how many pages you have here?”

Customer: “No… Why?”

Me: “Well, it’s just that the color copies are far more expensive than black and white, and I wanted to give you a quote before we begin. The color ones add up fast!”

Customer: “No, no. Just go ahead. My boss told me he’s being reimbursed anyway, so it doesn’t matter what it costs.”

(I’m skeptical, but she insists. As it turns out, ALL of her documents are in color. As she’s printing training manuals and reference books for a group of 26 employees, she ends up with over 8,000 printed pages of color documents.)

Customer: “And could you assemble them and put them all into binders for me?”

Me: “We sure can! If you hold on just a moment, I can give you a quote for the entire order, including assemb—”

Customer: “No. I don’t want a quote. Just go ahead and do everything.”

Me: “Are you sure? Because you have quite a lot of copies here, and assembly adds an additional fee.”

Customer: “No quote! I’ll be in to pick these up on Monday!”

Me: “But they’re $0.49 per page to start, and you’ve got—”

Customer: “Oh, well! My boss just wants everything done in color, and by Monday.”

(I go along with what the customer wants, but I’m still pretty certain she’s going to flip out when she sees the total, despite my attempts. Sure enough, Monday morning rolls around and the customer arrives…)

Me: “Okay! Your total for copies, tabs, binders, assembly, and all comes to approximately $2400 after tax.”

Customer: “What!? $2000!?”

Me: *sighs*

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Deranged Exchange

| Miami, FL, USA | Right | February 24, 2014

(I work at an electronic cigarette store in a popular local mall. I have just returned from a month-long vacation. I’m counting inventory when a customer approaches.)

Customer: “I bought this from you two weeks ago.”

Me: “From me personally, sir? I’ve been on vacation for the last month, but I’d be happy to help yo—”

Customer: “Yes. I’m sure it was you. The product isn’t working.”

Me: “Can I take a look? Often times it’s a quick fix.”

Customer: “No. I’d just like to exchange it.”

Me: “Okay, sir. Do you have your receipt?”

Customer: “No. Just give me a new one.”

Me: “Sure. Let me see if I can diagnose the problem and perhaps you can keep the one you have after all. If not I’ll be happy to replace it.”

Customer: “I didn’t bring it with me.”

Me: “…”

Customer: “Well? Are you going to exchange it?”

Me: “Unfortunately I’m unable to process an exchange without you giving me the product back.”

Customer: “Just give me another one for free!”

Me: “Sir, as I stated, I unfortunately cannot give you a new product for free without receiving the old one from you.”

Customer: “Fine. In that case I’d like to return it.”

Me: “Again, sir. I cannot give you back your money if you do not have the product to return to me.”

Customer: “NOBODY TOLD ME THAT! THEY SAID I COULD COME BACK AND RETURN IT WITHIN TWO WEEKS, AND IT’S BEEN TWO WEEKS!”

Me: *remaining calm* “So, let me get this straight: you want to return your product and get your money back, but you don’t have the actual product to ‘return’ to me?”

Customer: “YES! WHY IS THIS SO F****** DIFFICULT?! GIVE ME MY MONEY OR I’LL KICK YOUR A**!”

(The man pushes me. I am a bit shocked that this has escalated so quickly but I keep my composure.)

Me: “I’m sorry, but that will not be possible.”

Customer: “YOU ARE ALL A BUNCH OF LIARS AND CHEATS! I WILL CALL THE POLICE!”

Me: “I would be happy to provide you with the number of the local police department if you’d like. Then when they get here you can explain to them how you assaulted me and threatened to ‘kick my a**’ when I very nicely explained that I cannot process a return for an item that you are not actually returning.”

Customer: “…”

Me: “So, would you like that number? Or I can call if that would be more convenient for you, sir.”

Customer: “Well… F*** you!” *storms off*

Me: *yelling to the customer as he leaves* “You have a pleasant evening, too, sir!”

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No Such Thing As A Free Lunch

| AZ, USA | Working | February 23, 2014

Supervisor: “Hey, [My Name], take your lunch.”

(I do. Fifteen minutes later I get a page to go to the front of the store. I don’t have to answer it since I’m clocked off, but figure if the supervisor has already forgotten she sent me to lunch, she’ll just keep paging me till my break is up. I go out.)

Supervisor: *seeing me* “[My Name], go and help.”

Me: “Sorry. I just came to remind you I’m on lunch, as per your instructions.”

(I go back to lunch. Several hours later, at the end of my shift, she pulls me aside.)

Supervisor: “I have had it with your attitude!”

Me: “What?!”

Supervisor: “When I paged you, you should have ignored me! I would have realized you were on lunch if you didn’t come out!”

(Well, she can consider herself ignored from now on!)

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My Unfair Lady

| Pasadena, MD, USA | Right | February 23, 2014

(I work in an adult-themed shop. A female customer has just walked up to make a purchase.)

Me: “Hello. How are you today?”

Customer: *grumbles*

Me: “Okay… Did you find everything?”

Customer: *grumbles*

(I take this as my hint to stop trying to be helpful and just get this over with as soon as possible.)

Me: “All right. Your total is [price].”

Customer: *handing me money* “You really should be ashamed of yourself, you know.”

Me: “I’m sorry?”

Customer: “You must not be a proper lady, working in a place like this. Shameful!”

Me: “You mean me working here, trying to make a living and keep my bills down, is shameful compared to you walking in my store to buy smut and hooker clothes, then acting very rude towards me?”

(The customer turns bright red, pays, and leaves.)

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Cut Cut-Throat

| Fresno, CA, USA | Right | February 21, 2014

(I am processing a layaway for a customer. She is a bit rude with me but I proceed with a smile. The customer has multiple items in her cart.)

Me: “Hi. Were you thinking of putting in a layaway today, or were you going to place a final payment on a previous layaway?”

Customer #1: *rudely* “I have about 20 items in my cart. Does it look like I am going to make a final payment?”

Me: “Oh, I apologize. I was not sure if you were finished shopping.”

Customer #1: “Well, I am.”

Me: “Okay. Have you done a layaway with us before?”

Customer #1: “Yes, I sure have.”

Me: “May I have your number please?”

Customer #1: *tells her number*

(While she is telling her number, another customer comes up to the side.)

Customer #2: “Hey, are my items still here?”

Me: “Sure are. Just let me know when you are ready and I will come help you out.”

Customer #1: “Excuse me, but I will have my layaway processed first. You do not have to be rude and cut in front of me like I am invisible!”

Customer #2: “Oh, no. I am sorry. I was making sure my stuff was still there.”

Customer #1: “Well, move!”

(Customer #2 walks away in shock.)

Customer #1: “Geez! Some people think they can just cut!”

Me: “I am sorry, but that was my mother.”

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