| IN, USA | Related | November 15, 2014

(My family has gone to eat at a Mexican restaurant, and we’ve ordered a shared fried ice cream for dessert. I’m chipping away at the tortilla bowl it comes in when I jab a bit too hard and send shards of tortilla and lumps of ice cream everywhere.)

Sister: “Geez, [My Name], we can’t take you anywhere!”

Me: “Remind me, when exactly was the last time something like this happened?”

Sister: “Well… never?”

Me: “Exactly. It was an accident. At least none of it got on anyone, right?”

(We check, and this seems, miraculously, to be the case.)

Me: “And now I know what the breaking strength of these tortilla bowls is!”

Mom: “There’s a tortilla chunk in my purse!”

Preliminary Discriminatory Interview

, | LA, USA | Working | November 15, 2014

(I am 20 and have just moved cities. I am interviewing for a job at a fast food restaurant, trying to find anything I can just to get started and pay bills. My resume lists my school experience and work experience. I homeschooled K-12 and am attending online college. However, I have worked since I was 16, at a bookstore (for a little over three years), a restaurant (a few months until finding a full-time job), and an office. My duties and experiences at each job are listed on my resume, and they include a vast number of things. The bookstore was a Christian company and had the word ‘Christian’ in its name; the office job was the same. Additionally, one of my other experiences listed on my resume was Vacation Bible School ‘counselor.’)

Manager: *looks over resume and application* “Hmm. I see here that you’ve primarily worked with Christian companies… Will you be able to handle working with others who don’t share your beliefs? Some of my other employees might say things that you won’t be comfortable with.”

(Before I can correct him that, one: how does he know what I am or am not comfortable with, and two: that I’d worked with people who didn’t share my beliefs and that never caused a problem, he continues:)

Manager: “Also, I see you’ve homeschooled your whole life. Are you going to be okay when there are a lot of people in the shop? We get really busy on holidays and you’ll have to interact with a lot of customers.”

(I bite back the urge to tell him in no uncertain terms that I lasted over three years in a bookstore where part of my job was to work the sales floor during Black Friday and help customers, as well as plan and run kids’ events, but apparently my fear of people is what gave me such excellent references to recommend me. Instead, I politely told him I’d be fine. He ended the interview by saying he thought I’d do well and would call me in the next few days after doing some other interviews.)

Manager: “And if I don’t call you by Friday, I want you to call and ask for me, okay? I work Mondays through Fridays here.”

(When I don’t hear back by that Friday, I call the next Monday.)

Employee: “Oh [Manager] isn’t in right now. Call this afternoon.”

(I do.)

Employee: “Oh, [Manager] isn’t in right now. Call tomorrow. He’ll be here then.”

(The next day…)

Employee: “Oh, [Manager] isn’t in right now. Call tomorrow. He’ll be here then.”

(Finally, I gave up on the job. Thankfully I found another one soon after; where the interviewer didn’t insult me with discriminatory questions!)

It’ll Be With You In Two Shakes

, | Baton Rouge, LA, USA | Right | November 14, 2014

(Note that our milkshakes come in small and large, which are served in the small and medium soft drink cups. Our large soft drink cups have a different shape, so they can’t fit under the milkshake spinner. A customer approaches my register to order.)

Customer: “I just love your peach milkshakes! The large just isn’t big enough though. Why don’t you have them the same sizes as your drinks?”

(I explain about the machine.)

Customer: “Oh. So I can’t get an extra large milkshake?”

Me: “Well, we don’t sell that size. I’m sorry.”

Customer: “Can’t you figure out how to ring one up? I just love them so much and the large is never enough!”

(I have an idea and turn to ask my manager, who is over by the drive through. She agrees, so I come back to the customer.)

Me: “Well, if you want to buy a small and a large shake, I can then combine them into the big cup. It’s the same size ounce-wise.”

Customer: “Yes! Oh, yes, I would love that. Your milkshakes are just so good!”

Me: “Okay, that will be [price].”

(He pays and I go make the milkshakes. While I am, I can hear him telling other customers how awesome our shakes are and how excited he is. My coworkers are amused at me making two shakes and then dumping them into a huge cup. When it’s done, I turn back to the customer.)

Me: “Do you want whipped cream? I’m afraid the milkshake lid won’t fit since it’s not made for the bigger cup.”

Customer: “Yes! And that’s okay; I’ll drink it really fast.”

(I finish off his monster milkshake and hand it to him. He looks like a little kid who’s just met Santa.)

Customer: “Thanks so much!”

(He literally skipped out of the restaurant, drinking his shake.)

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Sick Of Your Mismanagement

, | USA | Working | November 13, 2014

(My sister has recently developed an allergy to artificial sweeteners. She works at a fast food restaurant, but since the store’s owner really likes her as an employee (because she is prompt and very bright), he arranges for her to only be scheduled for the shift role where she bags food and answers the phone. He tells all the managers that she is not to do any of the other jobs because it risks her touching even the residue from diet drinks. One night she is working and the staff is short-handed. The manager on duty has not worked with my sister in a while, and so never has heard that her issue has been diagnosed.)

Manager: “[Sister], go cover the drive thru window so [Coworker] can go on break.”

Sister: “Sorry, I can’t. [Owner] said I don’t have to do that role because I get sick from touching the cups.”

Manager: “Look, we need someone there, and I’m telling you to do it.”

Sister: “Remember how I used to leave early all the time? It’s because I can’t physically do the jobs where I have to touch the cups! I will get sick and have to go home. That’s why [Owner] said for me to only do this job!”

Manager: *clearly not believing her* “[Coworker] needs to go on break, and I told you to cover for her. Now do it.”

(My sister finally just gave in, figuring the manager will learn the hard way when she got sick. Sure enough, the next day, she had to call in because she was too sick to work. Thankfully, the owner found out what happened and had a talk with that manager. It hasn’t happened since.)

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Things Just Got Deep

, | NJ, USA | Friendly | November 13, 2014

(I’m hanging out in a fast food place with a couple of friends, and we’re discussing singing.)

Friend #1: “Now, take [My Name] here. He can’t sing at all.”

Me: “Oh, that’s nonsense. I can sing just fine. I just have a very low register, so most lead vocals are outside my range.”

Friend #2: “Oh, yeah? What can you sing?”

Me: “Mostly death metal, and male Disney villain songs.”

Friend #1: “Oh, YEAH, I’d love to hear that! How long until you’re warbling and cracking off-key?

Me: *not missing a beat before jumping out of my chair* “DON’T YOU DISRESPECT ME, LITTLE MAN! Don’t you derogate, or deride! You’re in MY world now, not YOUR world! And I’ve got friends on the other side!”

Table Behind Us: *in unison* “He’s got friends on the other side!”

Me: “That’s an echo, gentlemen. Just a little something I picked up in Louisiana. A parlor trick, don’t worry!”

(At that point my friends were sitting there with jaws open and the table that randomly jumped in was laughing their heads off. I bought them a round of desserts and called it their ‘commission’!)

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