A Chain Reaction

, | TX, USA | Right | November 12, 2014

(I stop at a regional fast food chain restaurant for dinner. As I pay, I accidentally pull out a credit card for a big box chain, but realize my mistake and switch cards before swiping. The cashier talks to someone in the drive-through…)

Cashier: “Welcome to [Big Box Chain]. I’ll be with you in a minute.”

(I’m not sure I heard that right, but then…)

Kitchen Worker: “Uh, [Cashier], you realize this is [Fast Food Chain] and not [Big Box Chain].”

Me: *loud enough they can hear me in the kitchen* “It’s my fault; I took out my [Fast Food Chain] card and he…” *trail off as I realize* “…now I’m doing it.”

Toying With His Gender Issues

| Brisbane, QLD, Australia | Working | November 12, 2014

(I’m taking my six-year-old nephew to a popular family restaurant that sells kid’s meals with toys. We get there and he starts going on a rant about how he has to have a boy’s toy because last time he got a girl’s toy and he’s a boy. The whole restaurant can hear him and just think it’s cute.)

Me: *to cashier* “As you might be able to tell he’d like a kid’s meal with a boy’s toy.”

Cashier: “It’s okay. I understand the struggle.”

(I order the rest of the meal and my nephew keeps ranting.)

Cashier: “Oh, can’t I just give him a girl’s toy… Just to screw with his brain?”

This Will Become Herb And Legend

| NY, USA | Right | November 11, 2014

(I am working as a bartender in a posh Upper East Side Italian restaurant that often has long waits for tables. Customers are encouraged to order drinks and appetizers from the bar. We have just begun offering Neapolitan style pizzas as an appetizer. An older, affluent couple sits down in the bar area and proceeds to order drinks and ask about our different pizza offerings.)

Customer: “Could you tell us a little more about your white pizza.”

Me: “Yes, sir. It is a thin Neapolitan style pizza topped with olive oil and an herb and cheese blend.”

Customer: “Excuse me, but do we look like saggy pants wearing, hip hop rap loving, people? This is an affluent, sophisticated neighborhood. Why would you even consider serving us urban cheese. Do we look like we are on welfare?”

Customer’s Wife: *loudly* “I mean, my god, what would make you think your customers would ever pay $14 for something with urban cheese on it. I am disgusted at the thought.”

Me: “I am terribly sorry to have caused you so much concern. I believe I may have spoken too fast and caused a misunderstanding. The pizza bianca con erbe e formaggio is a pizza without tomato sauce, instead it is made with olive oil and an HERRRB and cheese blend.”

(They asked for a moment to think about it, and as I returned to the bar I noticed they very quietly got up and left the restaurant.)

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Hats Off To Recognition Skills

, | USA | Working | November 10, 2014

(I would regularly get Chinese food from the mall before work. I always wore the same black and white hat to work except on days off when I switched it out with a pink and white one. I notice the girl I regularly buy from giving me weird looks as she rings up my food.)

Me: *finally realizing what the looks are for* “Different hat.”

Girl: “I KNEW YOU LOOKED FAMILIAR!”

Walking Out On Them

| The Netherlands | Working | November 10, 2014

(About five months ago I fell pretty badly and dislocated my left kneecap. Fast forward, and I have a job interview for a chain of restaurants at the airport. During the interview I mention that I’m still recovering and that walking a lot could mean that the injury never fully recovers. The interviewer (and my current manager) assures me that it’s mostly a standing job. This turns out to be not quite that true as they regularly schedule me for a position where I walk a good ten miles every day. The following conversation went down tonight after closing up:)

Me: “Hey, [Manager], what’s my position tomorrow? Coffee desk again?”

Manager: “Nope, put you on [Walking Position].”

Me: “Again? You already had me there yesterday.”

Manager: “You shouldn’t complain. You’re a young man; you can take it. And it’s not like we always schedule you there.”

Me: “I told you that I prefer not to do it for a very good medical reason. You’ve also scheduled me there seven out of the last ten days, two of them on days where you specifically promised me you wouldn’t. So, yes, ‘again?'”

Manager: “Well, if you’d finally get your cashier’s license I could schedule you there, but since you refuse to, this is the best I can do.”

Me: “I did get the license, but then you accidentally fired me and now I can’t access the company website anymore.”

Manager: “Well, that’s really your problem.”

Me: “If that’s really what you think you can leave me of the schedule for next month.”

Manager: “Oh? Going on an unannounced vacation? That’s going to get you fired some day.”

Me: *blank stare, followed my wordless exit*

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