Scream Your Fried Lungs Out And They Still Won’t Listen

, | England, UK | Working | November 24, 2014

(We have just got home after picking up a bucket of chicken; I go to take a bite when I notice something awful. I ring the branch.)

Me: “Hi, I’ve found what looks like cooked internal organs in my meal. What can you do about it?”

Worker: “Hang on. Let me get the manager.”

Manager: *very young sounded voice* “Err… hello.”

Me: “Yes, I’ve found something in my food. I don’t know what it is but it looks like a lump of lung. What can you do for me?”

Manager: “Err… Do you want me to replace it?”

Me: “Hang on. You are proposing that I stop eating my family meal, get in my car, and return a chicken leg? To presumably return home to a cold dinner?”

Manager: “Well… err…”

Me: “Or are you suggesting that I eat my dinner, and dessert, then drive clear across town to have another piece of chicken? Are you not even going to apologise?! Or offer me a free meal or something next time?”

Manager: “You can return the piece of chicken for free.”

(I stopped eating fast food chicken after that.)

He Is Soda-pressing

| Jackson, TN, USA | Romantic | November 22, 2014

(My boyfriend and I are getting fast food. This conversation happened in front of the soda machine.)

Me: “Sometimes when I’m sad, I’ll pour myself some soda and pretend that the fizzy sound is applause. So even if the world is against me I still have bubbles on my side.”

Boyfriend: “But even the bubbles eventually fizz out, and you’re left with no one again.”

Me: “I think that’s the part where you’re supposed to say, ‘I’ll always be by your side, babe.'”

Boyfriend: “I can’t make that promise. Of the two of us, I’m most likely to die first, so you’ll only have your artificial and imaginary applause to keep you company after that.”

Me: “But by then I’ll have our kids though, right?”

Boyfriend: “Who will have all grown up and have lives of their own to deal with. I sure hope the future has lots of soda for you.”

Me: “Gee, thanks, a**-hole.”

(We broke up not long after that. He was just too pessimistic for me to handle.)

Don’t Hand It To Racism

| Chicago, IL, USA | Right | November 21, 2014

(I used to work at a cookie shop at the mall. At this point the customer’s cookie is wrapped and put on the counter in front of me so I can handle her money.)

Customer: “Where is my cookie?”

Me: *points* “It’s right there.”

Customer: “Well, why didn’t you hand it to me?”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am.”

(I pick up the cookie and hand it to her.)

Customer: “What, do you not touch black people or nothing?!”

(I have no idea how to react to this as she stomps off.)

Time For A Change(over) Of Jobs

, | Adelaide, SA, Australia | Working | November 20, 2014

(I am working at a fast food restaurant. My store manager is a complete bully, and has had it out for me since day one because she doesn’t seem to like females. Nevertheless, I am a very good worker and always follow her instructions. All the other managers like me, and staff respect me and always come to me for help. I am allocated an hour and a half during the afternoon to do ‘changeover’ – that is, restock the dining room, mop, clean, empty the bins, etc.)

Manager: “You finished your changeover far too quickly today.”

Me: “I’ve been here for years and have it down to a fine art. It doesn’t take long. I can have it done and be back serving customers pretty quickly.”

Manager: “You are allocated an hour and a half because to do it properly, it should take you that long. Stop cutting corners or I will write you a warning.”

(A few days later, I am doing changeover. It’s almost impossible for me to stretch out a job that takes 30 minutes to the allocated hour and a half, but I try. I sanitise surfaces that never get touched. I clean picture frames. I even mop the floor twice. The restaurant is sparkling. I feel her gaze following me the whole time.)

Manager: “That took you far too long. You are supposed to be my most competent worker. That job should only take you 30 minutes! You’re pathetic and a time waster.”

(I quit a few weeks later. She literally ran out into the car park and cheered for joy. On my last day, she celebrated when I came in by yelling out to all the customers that it was the best day of her life. Some people are just not meant to be managers.)

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Needs That Coffee More Than You Do

| Vancouver Island, BC, Canada | Working | November 20, 2014

(My stepdad is a vegetarian, but when he goes out of town for work he stops at a well-known burger chain for coffee. Nothing else, just coffee. As most people may know, these chains often have their employees ‘upsell’ certain products.)

Worker: “Hi, how can I help you?”

Stepdad: “Medium coffee, please. Two cream, one sugar.”

Worker: “And would you like to try our home-brewed coffee today?”

(Pause.)

Stepdad: “Long day?”

Worker: “I’ve been here since 10…”

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