Putting The ‘Wait’ Into Waitress

| Gainesville, FL, USA | Working | February 1, 2016

(After a long hectic week, I meet my mom for lunch at her favorite restaurant in town. I’m the first to arrive and my mom shows up a couple minutes later. After 10 minutes, our waitress comes back.)

Mom: “We’d like to start off with the mussels.”

Waitress: “Okay.” *she doesn’t write anything down*

Mom: “And for my entree, I would like—”

(Waitress just walks off.)

Me: “…”

(Several minutes go by and we don’t see our waitress at all.)

Other Waiter: “Have you ladies been served?”

Mom: “We put in an appetizer but can we get some water?”

Other Waiter: “And bread?”

Mom: “Yes, please.”

Other Waiter: “Sure, no problem.”

(The other waiter drops off our waters and bread. We still haven’t seen our waitress. Just as we’re about to leave, the waitress shows up with our mussels.)

Waitress: “Oh, you two already have waters.”

Me: “Yeah, one of the other waiters got them for us while you were in the back.”

Waitress: “Oh, good.”

(The waitress walks off again. I’m stunned that she left before getting our entrees but we start eating the mussels. After the mussels, our waitress still isn’t back.)

Other Waiter: “Are you done?”

Me: “Yes.”

Other Waiter: “Okay, let me get this plate from you guys.” *gathers up everything and takes them to the back*

(The waitress finally comes back.)

Waitress: “Okay, what can I get for you ladies?”

Mom: “I would like the salmon salad with extra sesame dressing on the side. I would also like the feta cheese on the side as well.”

Waitress: “Okay.” *again she doesn’t write anything down* “And you?” *turning her head to me*

Me: “I would like the red fish grilled, blue crab crusted, with your seasonal vegetables.”

Waitress: “Okay.”

(She then walks off.)

Mom: “How long do you think it will be for her to come back this time?”

Me: “I’m guessing 15 minutes.”

Mom: “Is she new?”

Me: “She better be new.”

(The other waiter comes with a pitcher of water to re-fill our glasses.)

Mom: “We’re your unofficial table today.”

Other Waiter: *laughs* “It seems that way.”

(Twenty minutes later, we’re pretty much sticking around to see what this waitress does next. She shows up with our orders.)

Mom: “I thought I ordered the feta cheese on the side?”

Waitress: “Oh… well… it’s only surrounding the salmon.”

(The entire bottom of the salmon is coated in feta cheese. Mom begins picking off the cheese. The waitress walks off.)

Me: *watching mom* “It looks like the extra dressing was added to the salad, not on the side.”

Mom: “That’s what I noticed as well. So much for the extra dressing in this tub.” *still picking cheese out of her salad*

(A manager comes to our table.)

Manager: “I understand, ma’am, that your waitress messed up your order. Would you like for me to bring you out a new one?”

Mom: “No, I hate to waste food.”

(My order came out as I correctly albeit the seasonal vegetable have overtaking my plate and pushing my fish to a small corner.)

Me: *shyly giggling* “I guess someone in the back saw that the green beans expire today.”

Mom: “That’s what it looks like.”

(We eat our meals but don’t finish it all. By now, the restaurant is shifting from lunch to dinner so the place has died down. Without a word, the waitress drops off our checks and walks off. I flag down the other waiter.)

Me: “I have a coupon for a free dessert. Do I have to eat it here in order to use the coupon?”

Other Waiter: “No, what would you like?”

Me: “The [dessert].”

Other Waiter: “One [dessert] coming up.”

(A couple minutes, he returns with my dessert in a box. A minute later, waitress comes back to take our check. I like to pay for everything on my card while my mom likes to pay for her meal with her card and tip with cash. The waitress comes back.)

Waitress: “Did you want me to use the cash first and then pay the rest on the card?”

(Mom takes the cash.)

Waitress: “Okay.”

(The waitress walks off again. I can’t help but giggle. Mom rolls her eyes and leans back in her chair. I get my card and am stunned to find five receipts with it. Why she printed off and gave me five identical receipts I don’t know. I add a tip, sign the top one, and leave it on the table.)

Waitress: “Okay, is there anything I can get you two?”

Us: *in unison* “No, we’re good.”

(The waitress walks off while we’re talking.)

Us: *in unison* “Uh… ma’am. Ma’am. MA’AM!”

(The waitress stops and looks at us.)

Me: “Can we get to-go boxes?”

(She simply nods and quickly comes back with boxes for us.)

Mom: “That’s the quickest she’s been all day.”

Me: “I know!”

How Do You Like Dem Apple Sauces?

| Winnipeg, MB, Canada | Friendly | February 1, 2016

(I’m with a group of friends at a restaurant, and we’ve gotten into a discussion about whether tomatoes are fruits or vegetables. One friend just won’t accept that tomatoes are technically fruit.)

Friend: “Tomatoes aren’t fruit, because you can make sauce out of them. You wouldn’t, like, take apples and make sauce out of them.”

(The whole group bursts out laughing.)

Me: “Uh… yeah, you would. It’s called ‘apple sauce.'”

(We never let her live that down.)

Ordered The Chef’s Special

| Bloomington, IN, USA | Right | January 30, 2016

(I’m working the lunch shift in a downtown farm-to-table restaurant. We get a wide range of customers, from college kids and professors, to ladies who lunch. I’ve seated a normal casually dressed man, and one of my servers goes to help him.)

Server: *to me* “There’s something weird about him. He’s not making sense and doesn’t seem to want to place an order.”

Me: “That’s weird. He seemed pretty normal when I sat him. I’ll go talk to him.” *to customer* “Sir, can I start you with something to drink today?”

Customer: *unintelligible mumbling*

Me: “Okay, then. If you don’t wish to place an order today, I’ll have to ask you to leave.”

Customer: *more mumbles*

Me: “I’ll have to ask you to leave; the dining room is just for our customers. I’ll give you a moment to collect yourself, but you need to leave.”

(I step away from the table and am walking across the dining room towards the server when she sees something behind me.)

Server: “No, sir! Please be careful! White Coats, I need the White Coats!”

(The customer had picked up a fork and was trying to stick it in an outlet behind the host station. I strong-armed him out of the building while the server got the “White Coats” as backup. The White Coats were our kitchen staff, all wearing chef coats. A wall of them made great backup. The customer wandered away while I called the police. They eventually picked him up; he was off his meds and harassing local shops.)

The Language Of Intolerance

| Pittsburgh, PA, USA | Friendly | January 30, 2016

(My cousins from Quebec are visiting, and I took my little cousin who only speaks French to McDonalds for lunch.)

Me: “Vous desirez?” *what would you like*

Cousin: “Je voudrais un hamburger.” *I would like a hamburger*

(I proceed to give her order to the cashier.)

Customer #1: “Excuse me, but you shouldn’t be speaking gibberish in an American restaurant.”

Me: “Actually, we were speaking French as she is unable to speak English.”

Customer #1: “Well, she should learn to speak our language if she comes here.”

Customer #2: “What makes you think a small child can learn another language in a week?”

(I left soon after hearing this; I believe they were arguing for quite some time, because my other cousin said he didn’t see them walk out for 30 more minutes.)

Different Degrees Of Understanding

| CA, USA | Right | January 30, 2016

(A customer asked me an irrelevant question I didn’t know the answer to…)

Me: “I’m really not sure. I’m sorry.”

Customer: “Well, I guess that’s why you’re a waitress.”

Me: *in disbelief* “I actually have a Bachelor’s degree in education.”

Customer: “So you think having a degree automatically makes you smart?”

Me: “Well, you seem to think that being a waitress automatically makes you trashy.”

(She sat there speechless for a few seconds, and then demanded to speak to my manager about my rudeness. Other customers vouched for me and I did not get in trouble.)

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