She Does Like To (Belgian) Waffle On And On

, , , , , | Right | February 13, 2018

(My family and I are attending breakfast at an extremely fancy restaurant. My grandmother has a tendency to be a pretty difficult customer, but on this particular day, NOTHING seems to be right. After nearly five minutes of arguing with the hostess, we finally are seated. My grandmother then walks around the buffet tables and returns to our spot, empty-handed, with THE MOST disgusted facial expression I have ever seen. The waitress notices.)

Waitress: “Is everything all right, ma’am?”

Grandmother: “No! This is absolutely disgusting!”

Waitress: “I’m very sorry to hear that. May I ask what’s wrong?”

Grandmother: “Well, for one thing, this table is too small!”

Waitress: “I’m sorry. Would you like me see if there is another table availa—”

Grandmother: “No! We’re already seated! But you said there’d be a full omelet station, and Belgian waffles, but I don’t see any of that here!”

Waitress: “Ma’am, this is what we always serve during breakfast hours.”

Grandmother: “But your ad said a full omelet station and Belgian waffles! I WANTED OMELETS AND BELGIAN WAFFLES!”

Waitress: “I’m sorry, but we don’t serve those in our continental breakfast buffet. Perhaps you are referring to our Sunday Brunch Special?”  

Grandmother: “THE AD SAID THERE’D BE OMELETS AND BELGIAN WAFFLES IN YOUR BREAKFAST BUFFET! I DON’T KNOW WHAT KIND OF PLACE YOU’RE RUNNING HERE!”

(The waitress quickly goes over to the hostess stand and brings back a small flyer, which I read. Sure enough, in bold letters, it advertises a Sunday Brunch Special from 9:00 to 11:30 that features the desired items. It’s 8:00 on Wednesday.)

Grandmother: “Well, you have to do something about this! I don’t want any of that!”

Waitress: “I’m sorry, but I am not able to change the menu like that.”

(My grandmother stopped complaining long enough for the poor waitress to get our drink orders, but was soon at it again, varying between loud, disapproving huffs, slopping and picking at her food, and complaining to anyone who would listen, including strangers. It didn’t help when I discovered a crack in my glass. At that point, she got up and walked INTO the kitchen looking for a manager. By the time we were done with our meal, my grandmother was counting out a 5% tip, and the waitress looked like she was about to cry. So, before I left, I found the manager and told her what happened. Apparently, my grandmother had said the waitress was “incredibly rude” and “had no idea what she was doing.” Then, I hugged our waitress and apologized.)

Not In Receipt Of All The Facts

, , , , | Right | February 13, 2018

(A customer comes in and purchases some food, using a credit card to pay. Everything goes as normal, but one hour later he returns.)

Customer: “I came in earlier and you overcharged my credit card! It was only $13.53, but you charged me $112.94!”

(He starts waving around a credit card receipt.)

Me: “Sir, that is not our receipt; we use thermal paper, and I can see that it is carbon-copy paper.”

(For those that do not know, thermal paper is glossy and white, while carbon-copy is yellow and rough.)

Customer: “Yeah, it is!”

(He literally throws the receipt at me. I then pull out the merchant copy and hold it in front of him while holding his carbon copy receipt right next to it.)

Me: “Sir, this is not [Hardware Store]. This is [Restaurant]. This is not even the same street, and not the same type of paper. This is not our receipt!”

(The guy left, angry.)

You Have Many Grave Concerns, But This Won’t Be One Of Them

, , , , , , , , , | Romantic | February 13, 2018

(My friend is the maître d’ at a high-end restaurant. Reservations are always needed for dinner, but on holidays they can book weeks in advance. It is Valentine’s Day, and he has been fully booked for over a month. As you can imagine, people try to break rules to get a seat. This is the case when a man and woman arrive.)

Man: “You should have a reservation for two under ‘Graves.'”

Maître D’: “I don’t have any open reservations. What was the first name?”

Man: *sigh* “Abigail Graves.”

Maître D’: “Excuse me for a moment while I check.”

(My friend is confused at this point, because there is, in fact, a reservation under the name; however, he has already seated them ten minutes before, and the seated woman has given him the correct code from the reservation app. He decides to check with the seated Abigail. She is a visibly pregnant woman who is sitting with an older woman.)

Maître D’: “Excuse me for bothering you, but a couple has arrived claiming to be under your reservation.”

(At this point, the pregnant woman starts to cry and the older woman looks furious.)

Older Woman: “The nerve of him! He probably has her with him.”

Abigail: “Grandma! Please! Look. Two weeks ago, I walked in on my boyfriend in bed with another woman. He’s been making my life miserable because I left him. He won’t let me come get my dog, and he has been following me. I can’t believe he is here. He fought with me when I made the reservation. If you seat him, I can’t look at him. I’ll have to leave… I…”

Maître D’: “Miss, please don’t worry. I will handle the situation. You and your grandmother just have a lovely Valentine’s dinner.”

(The owner sees the woman crying, and asks what the situation is. My friend quickly fills him in, and the owner says he wants to handle this personally. As they are walking back towards the door, the owner pauses.)

Owner: “What name was the reservation under?”

Maître D’: “Graves.”

Owner: *grinning ear to ear* “That’s what I thought.”

(They get to the rather peeved-looking man and woman a moment later.)

Owner: “I’d like you to know that I looked at the reservations. This restaurant doesn’t have any spare ‘Graves’ to seat you in. However, cheating on a pregnant woman means you deserve to be lying in one. Show yourself out.”

Man: “You have some nerve.”

Owner: “No? Okay, [Security Staff], escort them out.” *to Maître D’* “Please comp her meal. It’s not every day I can threaten someone using puns.”

You’re About To Get Sides-Eye

, , , , , | Right | February 12, 2018

(I’m cleaning up around the cashier station while the following transaction takes place with my coworker. Our premium sides — baked potatoes, loaded baked potatoes, side salads, and mac and cheese — are either 29 or 99 cents extra. A customer orders a meal that comes with two sides.)

Coworker: “Your sides, ma’am?”

Customer: “I’ll have green beans and a baked potato.”

Coworker: “The baked potato will be 29 cents extra; is that okay?”

Customer: “Since when?! I always come here, and I’m always allowed to switch out the fries with a baked potato, because I don’t want fries!”

Coworker: “Since forever, ma’am. You’re allowed to choose any two sides you want, but our premium sides have always been 29 cents extra.”

Customer: “This is ridiculous, because whenever I come here I always get a baked potato in place of fries, and they never charge me for it! Get me your manager, now!”

(My coworker calls our manager to come up. Keep in mind that whenever someone asks for a premium side and it is rung up, it automatically charges 29 cents to the bill.)

Manager: “Hello, ma’am. What seems to be the problem?”

Customer: “Your employee is trying to charge me for something I have never paid for. I always get a baked potato in place of fries and have never been charged for it. This must be new or something.”

Manager: “Ma’am, we have always charged extra for premium sides. That is nothing new.”

Customer: “Well, I’ve been coming here for 15 years, and I can assure you I’ve never paid extra for anything.”

Manager: “I’ve been working here for a little over a year now, and we’ve charged extra for those sides since before I was even here.”

Customer: “I want the number to corporate to complain, because this is ridiculous. I’m never coming here again, because you’re trying to cheat me out of my money.”

Manager: “Of course. Go ahead. I’ll write it down for you.”

(My manager writes it down and hands it to the customer, who then proceeds to call corporate right there at the counter. On her way out, she stops by me while I’m sweeping.)

Customer: “You! You took my order before, and you never charged me extra for it.”

(She finally walked out, and my manager asked what she said to me. I told her and went back to working. The customer was on the phone in her car for 30 minutes after she walked out. Just sitting in the parking lot. Who gets mad over 29 cents?)

Valentine’s Pay

, , , , , , , , | Romantic | February 12, 2018

Several years ago, a friend and his wife invited my wife and me to dinner at a very nice local restaurant. The two of them had visited the restaurant several times previously, and they were pleased with both the food and the price. This time, the reservations happened to be on Valentine’s Day.

We arrived at the restaurant in good time. We were a bit surprised that there were more empty tables than we expected. We were seated, and read the menus. The offerings were their standard meals, but the menu itself had, “Valentine’s Day Specials,” printed on it. The prices were four times the usual amount, too! We asked the waiter why the prices were higher than usual, and he said something like, “Well, it is Valentine’s Day, and you should be giving your ladies something special!”

We decided not to pay the highly-inflated prices, and got up to leave. A customer at an adjoining table looked at us, then spoke up and said, “I wish I had done that, too!”

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