They Didn’t Learn Pie At School

, , , | Right | April 20, 2021

I bartend and also serve food at the bar, like full-course meals. I also make all the drinks for servers for their tables. It is a busy Friday night. I have a couple sitting at the bar and they want pizza.

Couple: “We’re not sure if a six-slice medium will be enough, and an eight-slice large might be too much.”

In my hurry to get them to decide, I suggest:

Me: “Why don’t you get the large and I’ll have them cut it into six slices?”

They thought this was brilliant and happily agreed. I walked away muttering that I couldn’t believe that worked!

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That Would Be A Mis-Steak, Part 3

, , , | Right | April 20, 2021

I work as a cook. The restaurant is laid out so the kitchen and dining areas are separated by a counter, meaning customers can watch and/or interact with the cook. The waitress brings me a ticket for a customer by himself; he has ordered a steak cooked rare. I cook it and send it out.

Customer: “Ugh! This is raw! It’s way too underdone! I want it well-done!”

It’s fairly common for someone to order rare and mean medium-rare, or medium when they want medium-well. As there is such a huge difference between rare and well-done, even though I presume the customer ordered incorrectly, I turn to the somewhat new waitress.

Me: “How come the ticket said rare if he wants it well done?” 

Before the waitress can respond, the customer shouts:

Customer: “Well, I asked for it rare! Obviously, you should’ve known I wanted it well-done!”


That Would Be A Mis-Steak, Part 2
That Would Be A Mis-Steak

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Holy Guacamole! Part 3

, , , , , , | Right | April 19, 2021

I’m at a fun dinner meeting for members of an international high school group that I’m a part of. It’s for students doing international transfers between America and Japan or America and South Korea.

We’re at a semi-fancy restaurant where Korean and Japanese food are cooked in front of you in a showy way. It isn’t busy at this hour and the woman who owns the place is lounging at the bar. We’ve come to know her during our meetings; she is a commanding woman who enjoys us hosting our meetings here.

Unfortunately, some members’ parents have decided their other kids should join us too even though they won’t be traveling with us and have done nothing but whine of boredom and distract us from our pre-dinner meeting. One of the little sisters is thirteen, so too old to be acting how she does.

Tempers are rising but are sated when food starts being served. The little sister gobbles her fried rice in less than one minute.

Little Sister: “So, where’s the rest?! I want more!”

Older Sister: “You have to wait until after they finish cooking your food.”

The little sister sees that other people haven’t eaten as fast and emits a shriek in my direction.

Little Sister: “GIMMIE YOURS!”

Me: “Uh, no. You eat yours. I eat mine. It’s not my responsibility to feed you.”

Little Sister: “THAT’S NOT FAIR!”

Me: “Well, yeah, it is, actually. I paid for my food. Did you? No, your parents paid for yours. So since your parents didn’t pay for mine, I’ll eat all of mine.”

As though she thinks she’s being discreet, the little sister starts dramatically inching her hand across the table as soon as I set my bowl down for a moment. I pick up a fork and drive the tines into the tabletop as dramatically as I can in front of her hand.

Me: “Back. Off.”

The owner calls from across the dining room.

Owner: “CHILDREN! Please stop that nonsense!”

Me: *Grumpy but polite* “Yes, ma’am.” 

Little Sister: *Intentionally defiant* “My mom says I don’t have to listen to anyone but her!”

The owner starts texting on her phone, looking annoyed. Somehow, the older siblings keep the little sister in check until our main course is finished and plated. Surprisingly, our adult chaperone arrives a bit later to “keep an eye on us” even though this meeting was only supposed to be for the students.

The chaperone does nothing. Yet again, the little hellion girl eats her food too fast to taste it and starts showing her interest in everyone else’s plates. She also starts trying to steal others’ sodas. I get an idea; I turn to the older sister with a dollop of wasabi paste on my chopsticks.

Me: “Gosh, I just love the guacamole they include on these plates, don’t you?”

Older Sister: *Playing along* “Oh, right, so amazing.”

The little sister catches interest, seeing the two of us eating the green stuff.


Me: *Dramatic eye roll* “Okay, you can have mine, but on one condition. You listening?”

Little Sister: “Yes! Gimmie!”

She reaches for my plate, which I hold back.

Me: “You cannot speak again until you are back in your parent’s car because we have been trying to finish the meeting and you’re distracting.”

Little Sister: *Obviously not listening* “OKAY! GIMMIE!”

I scoop the rest of the “guacamole” into a spoon and give it to her, nodding to the others. Everyone grabs their soda and tea for dear life as the greedy little gremlin deep-throats her spoon covered in wasabi. Of course, she immediately starts sobbing and turning red, grabbing at our drinks. She fails to get something to quench the fire. The owner comes over with her hands on her hips. 

Owner: *Loud, commanding Mom voice* “Well! Are you all proud of yourselves now?!”

I presume she is talking to me since I initiated the prank.

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. It’s just that I couldn’t—”

Owner:Hush, you!” [Chaperone], who is the littlest one and why is she like this?!”

Chaperone: *Startled* “Well, I couldn’t tell her parents that only some of their children could be here…”

Owner: “I don’t care for your excuses. Next time, only the [international student group] members can come to [international student group] meetings. I’m not a daycare! Either you do it my way or no more events can happen here, okay? I love these mature children, so that hurts me, too!”

Chaperone: *Awkward* “I’m sorry, ma’am. I’ll do better.”

Thankfully, we were able to make up for lost time in another meeting before the trip, and I never had to trick another child into eating a whole spoonful of wasabi again. The trip was amazing!

Holy Guacamole! Part 2
Holy Guacamole!

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A Go-To Response For A To-Go Order

, , | Right | April 16, 2021

The owner of our twenty-four-hour restaurant doesn’t allow to-go orders to be placed over the phone after 10:00 pm due to many people not showing up after placing their order.

Caller: “I’d like to make a to-go order.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but we can’t take to-go orders over the phone after ten o’clock.”

Caller: “Oh, it’s okay because I’m in there all the time.”

Me: “Sorry. It is company policy, so we can’t do it.”

Caller: “I’m only ten minutes away, just around the corner, though.”

When I first started, I would usually apologise again and argue over and over, trying to get them to understand. However, this has become my go-to response the second they mention how far away they are.

Me: “Awesome! We’ll see you when you get here and you can place your order then! Bye!” *Click* 

Occasionally, we got callers who insisted on saying what they wanted to order, regardless of how many times we said it wasn’t allowed. At that point, I would let them talk until they were done. If they came in expecting their food to be ready, I would reiterate that we don’t take to-go orders over the phone and they could either order properly or not at all.

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Bean And Gone

, , , | Right | April 15, 2021

I’ve had a long day at home and am driving back to campus when I notice my favorite Tex-Mex place. I love their bean burritos, so I go to the drive-thru and order a bunch.

I remember paying. But then, I get to a light and notice that I didn’t get the burritos! When I go back again, the sweet lady who helped me cracks up immediately when she sees me apologizing.

Worker: “I was wondering where you’d gone off to!”

Now I always make sure I don’t drive off without my food!

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