The Cult Of Spongebob

, , , , , , | Right | December 13, 2017

(Our restaurant is divided into two rooms, and because the second room contains a TV and small arcade, it’s very popular among families. An action movie is playing on the TV, when a customer comes to me at the cash register.)

Customer: “Excuse me, but could you please change the channel to something more kid-friendly? That movie is completely inappropriate.”

Me: “Yes, ma’am. I’ll take care of that right away.”

(I go into the room and all the kids are either running around or playing in the arcade while paying little to no attention to what’s on TV, but I decide to oblige and begin flipping through the channels, when I finally reach Nickelodeon.)

TV: “Oooooooooooh, who lives in a pineapple under the sea? SpongeBob Squarepants!”

(I looked back to find all the kids that were bouncing off the walls were now taking a seat and quietly watching TV. Creeped out, I went back to my post.)

You Have To Handle These Customers Caerphilly

, , , | Right | December 12, 2017

(I work at an American Style burger restaurant. This exchange happens when a lady sends her burger back to the kitchen, so my manager goes over to see what the problem is.)

Customer: “There was cheese on that burger. I can’t eat cheese; I’m allergic.”

Manager: “It does say on the menu that the burger contains cheese, madam.”

Customer: “It didn’t; I checked before I ordered.”

(At this point, my manager gets a menu and points out where it says “mozzarella” in the burger description.)

Customer: “Mozzarella? What’s that?”

Manager: *trying to keep a straight face* “That would be a cheese, madam.”

(She still got a replacement burger, complaining all the time about the wait to cook another one.)

We Only Have Chicken Strippers

, , , , | Right | December 11, 2017

(I am working as a front desk attendant when someone calls. Seconds after answering I recognize it as a prank call.)

Me: “Hello, thank you for calling [Restaurant]. My name is [My Name]. How can I help you?”

Caller: “Hi, I heard somewhere that after you guys close, there is a burlesque show. Is that true?”

Me: *caught off guard* “Uh… No. Sorry.”

Caller: “Really? Well, there went my weekend.”

Me: “Again, sorry for ruining your weekend.”

Caller: “Man, I love strippers. I could watch them all day and night.”

Me: “Well, that sounds like an expensive habit. You have a good night.”

(I hung up and my coworker standing next to me just died laughing.)

Allergic To Dairy And Dip-S***s

, , , , , , , | Romantic | December 11, 2017

(I am allergic to dairy; I will go into shock if I have even a small amount. A surprisingly large amount of stuff has dairy in it and I hate making people wait while I check whether something will kill me, so I often go for the easiest thing on the menu. I meet this guy online and we go to a coffee shop to meet, safely, in person. I ask for soy in my drink and he asks if it is for flavour reason; I state it being a dietary requirement, but we don’t talk much about it further than that. We decide to continue with the relationship, and a week or so later we go on our first date. He chooses an Italian place for dinner, which is a very risky place for me go to. I find it a little odd, considering the coffee shop, but I just go for a vegan dish to be safe. A few weeks later, he invites me out to a steak place. I have never been to this place and I can’t find a website to check their menu prior to going. It’s a little bit worrying, but I know most dairy in a steakhouse is in the optional sauces. When I arrive, my date keeps glancing at me, which I don’t really understand. We are seated and given menus, and he is now staring at me intently.)

Me: “What?”

Him: *somewhat smugly* “You won’t find anything vegan on the menu”

Me: “What’s your point?”

Him: *smug looks falters* “Huh?”

Me: “I said, ‘What’s your point?’ I’m not vegan.”

Him: “But… The soy? And at the Italian place?”

Me: “I’m allergic to dairy. Severely allergic, actually, so vegan is a safe choice for me. You took me to a steakhouse thinking I was a vegan?” *pause* “And you thought I would accept it if I was a vegan?”

Him: “W-Well, I thought it would be funny to watch you struggle.”

Me: “You wanted to watch the little vegan get upset over not being able to eat off the menu. Wow.”

Him: “But this is great that you’re just allergic! That means you’re fine to be with!”

Me: “What?”

Him: “Yeah, cause vegans are crazy! You don’t f*** crazy!”

(I stare at him.)

Me: “You’re totally right; you don’t f*** crazy. I don’t f*** crazy, or stupid, or a**holes. See ya.”

(I get that some vegans are in your face about it, but that guy was just a jerk.)

A Sudden Spray Of Compliments

, , , | Hopeless | December 8, 2017

(I work in a restaurant that is a part of a country club. I am hostessing one night that is pretty busy for most of my time there, but then it starts to get slow, so I decide to start cleaning the tables outside on the restaurant’s balcony. The spray I am using doesn’t have a strong smell, but it is not a pleasant smell either. I am finishing cleaning a table when I hear a member across the balcony say this to me:)

Member: “Um, EXCUSE ME? That spray you’re using has a very strong smell and I would appreciate it if you would not spray that when I’m trying to eat.”

(I am embarrassed from being yelled at in front of a few other tables, so I apologize and decide to put the cleaning supplies away. I start to walk towards the doors to go inside when I am stopped by a couple of new members.)

New Member: “For what it’s worth…”

Me: *in my head* “Crap, I’m going to be yelled at again.”

New Member: “…that spray actually smells nice, so please keep spraying it.”

Me: “Oh, well, I just put the supplies away, so I can clean later.”

New Member’s Wife: “Well, I’m glad you’re at least cleaning, when some workers leave tables a mess.”

New Member: “Yeah, and don’t listen to those people who yelled at you, they’re just a couple of a**h***s who like to berate workers. Why don’t you bring back the spray, and maybe I can teach them a lesson?”

Me: *laughing* “Oh, thank you for the kind words, but I don’t want either of us to get into trouble tonight.”

(After talking for a bit more, I go to clean inside the restaurant. I decide to come back outside to see if anything there needs to be cleaned, when the new members come inside to pay for their meal. They start talking to one of the waitresses, when the new member sees me again.)

New Member: *as he’s leaving* “Thank you for working hard tonight, ma’am, and don’t let those other people bring you down. I want to see you smile.”

(Those were some of the nicest members I have met in the three years I have worked at the restaurant, and they made me feel good for the rest of the night!)

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