(I’m a hostess at a sushi restaurant, and one of my jobs is to take to-go orders over the phone.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Restaurant]. How can I help you?”

Customer: “I’d like to make a to-go order.”

Me: “Okay, what can I get for you?”

Customer: “Two tech rolls, three California rolls, two crunchy rolls, and a bottle of pinot noir.”

Me: “Sir, we can’t sell wine with to-go orders.”

Customer: “WHAT DO YOU MEAN, YOU CAN’T SELL WINE WITH TO GO ORDERS?!” *chuckles* “Actually, I knew you couldn’t; I just figured I would try.”

(One night at work, we have a party of fifty-ish people coming in. We are a very small restaurant — ten tables and a sushi bar — but we don’t take private parties, so we try to accommodate them on top of our usual Friday-night crowd. They are still there taking up the majority of the tables when a couple comes in at the end of the night, like five minutes before we close.)

Me: “Hi. Welcome to [Restaurant]. Will it just be two tonight?”

Customer: “Yes, thank you.”

Me: “All right, you guys will just be right over here.” *takes them to their table, which happens to be the closest to the door but also the only thing open*

Customer: “Uh, absolutely not. I refuse to sit here. I want to sit further in!”

Me: *gestures towards the crowd of people at the other end of the restaurant* “I’m sorry, sir, but those tables are full.”

Customer: “That’s f****** ridiculous; I’m going to look for another table down there!” *stomps off into the crowd*

(At this point, some of the big party left so there are two open tables, but I couldn’t see this past the crowd and they aren’t clean.)

Customer: *stomps back over to me* “THERE ARE TWO F****** TABLES OPEN! I DEMAND THAT YOU SIT ME AT ONE OF THOSE!”

Me: “Sure, sir, it’ll just be a minute for us to clean one of them off for you.” *sends another hostess to clean and set the table*

Customer: *stares at her until it’s clean and then sits without being told anything else*

(The big party all gets up and leaves and I see him walking to the front again. All I can think is, “Great. What does this jack*** want now?”)

Customer: “Thank you for doing that for me, darlin.’” *slips $40 into my hand* “I just really don’t like that table.”

(Such a weird night.)

(The wait staff deal with the customers and the cooks — like myself — cook the food. There have been multiple incidences where I’ve had to send the wait staff back to their tables to apologize. I get a ticket saying, “Tortilla soup, no chicken.”)

Me: “Hey, someone go find [Waiter] and send him to me!”

Waiter: “Yeah, what do you want?”

Me: “You are aware our soup is premade with chicken, right? I could try to keep the chunks out but it’ll still have the broth.”

Waiter: “Oh. Hang on.” *comes back a minute later* “Yeah, the customer is vegan.”

Me: *face-palm*

(Another incident, the order says, “Fajitas, no onion.” I call for the fajita, forgetting to mention the “no onion.” The waiter comes back with it.)

Waiter: “This was supposed to be no onion!”

Me: “Crap. Hey, [Fajita Person], fire up a—”

Waiter: “He’s allergic to onion!”

Me: “Why in the f*** did you not put that on the ticket?! [Fajita Person], do not make that fajita!” *turning to the waiter* “You march you a** to that table and grab their setup!”

Waiter: “Why? It doesn’t have pico and they do want the bell pepper on the fajita.”

Me: “I don’t give a rat’s a** what they want! The guacamole has onions! The bell pepper is cooked with onions! This is why you have to put allergies on the d*** ticket!”

(Third incident, as I place tacos on the plate.)

Waitress: “Hey, there were supposed to be no tomatoes.”

Me: “It doesn’t say that on the ticket.”

Waitress: “Oops. Just take the tomatoes off.”

(I do so and send it out. A moment later she’s back.)

Waitress: “They saw a part of a tomato on the tacos. Can you remake them?”

Me: “Ugh, fine.”

(I start prepping tacos.)

Waitress: “Sorry. They said they’re allergic to tomatoes.”

Me: “Then they absolutely will not get any tacos. All of our taco meat is made with tomatoes.”

Waitress: *starts to backtrack* “Uh, well, they still want two tacos, just no tomatoes.”

Me: “Then you need to get a manager to talk to them because they will not be getting tacos from me whether they told the truth about their allergy or not. I will not serve them tacos.”

(It turns out she then told them I was refusing them service, they asked why, and when she said the meat was cooked in tomatoes they immediately changed their mind and chose an allergy-free option, instead. The moral is that if you’re going to be a server, learn your food. If you don’t know, ask the cooks.)

I live in a very bad neighborhood. Mostly the people are what makes it this way. 

One day, my family decides on having chicken for dinner so I take my young daughter with me to get it. When we get to the restaurant, it’s mostly dead — not a lot of customers. I place our order and we move to the side.

While we’re waiting for the order to be made, my neighbor walks in. She’s screaming and throwing her hands in the air. She tells the cashier it’s the worst food she has ever eaten and throws a receipt at the poor cashier. 

My neighbor continues to scream about how bad her food was burnt, how horrible the sides tasted, and how the cashier had to make it right. She keeps screaming even after the manager agrees to replace her food.

My food is done, so my daughter and I immediately leave; my neighbor is still screaming. We go out to find her car parked next to mine with her eleven-year-old daughter inside. 

I ask, “Hey, what was wrong with the chicken for your mom to scream that bad?”

The daughter replies, “Nothing was wrong with it. Mommy just wanted more but didn’t want to pay for it. So she screams at people to get free food.”

(This exchange occurs at least twice a day)

I work at a store that mainly sells smoothies, though we also offer several food items. Since the smoothies are rather large, we offer combos with a smoothie and either a half sandwich or half salad.
Me: Hi, how are you?
Customer: Good, I’d like to get the smoothie and a half combo *proceeds to stare at menu for a good while*
Customer: Can I get a half wrap?
Me: I’m sorry, unfortunately we can only do that with the sandwiches and salads.
Customer: Oh ok. *Proceeds to get a half sandwich or gives up and gets a wrap*

I have no idea why nobody seems to have a clue why we don’t serve half a wrap. What do they think would happen to the other half?