(My husband and I are at a restaurant, checking out the menu. They have the specials on chalkboards on the walls, usually nicely written and decorated. We start discussing one of the specials we are going to actually get.)

Me: “Oooooh, they have loaded schnitzels with cheese, bacon, and mushrooms. Choice of beef or chicken. I think I might get the chicken.”

(My husband turns to look at the sign.)

Husband: “Oh, that sounds good. How much… Hang on. I’m not sure if I want that or not!” *laughing*

Me: “Why? It sounds amazing.”

Husband: “Because it says, ‘Shitzles.’ I’m not sure that would taste great.”

Me: “What? Oh, my goodness, it does, too! Hang on; I will go tell someone.”

(I get up and go to tell our waitress.)

Me: “Hi, I was wondering if you guys realized that the schnitzel sign actually says, ‘Shitzels.’”

Waitress: “What?! Oh, my goodness, I’m so sorry!”

Me: “All good! Just figured you would want to change it.”

(I went to sit back down, and then another waitress came running over like a bat out of Hell with cloths and chalk. We all had a pretty good laugh.)

(I am hosting at the end of the night on a Saturday, about thirty minutes before we close, when this customer walks in. He looks a little worse for wear and very confused.)

Me: “Evening, sir, how can I help you?”

Customer: “Uh… can I use the restroom?”

(Normally, our policy is to only allow paying customers to use the restrooms, but since it’s late and he doesn’t appear to mean any harm, I allow it. He returns a few minutes later.)

Customer: “You might be able to help me with this. I’m on a trip.”

Me: “That’s great, sir. How can I help?”

Customer: “Which way is Florida?”

Me: *confused pause* “Florida?”

Customer: “Yes, I’m a little lost. Which way is it?”

Me: “Well, if you get on the interstate heading east, I suppose you’ll get there eventually.”

Customer: “Go west?”

Me: “East.”

Customer: “Ah, thanks.” *mutters* “Must’ve been going the wrong way…”

(The customer left. A few of my coworkers came over to see if I was okay after he left, because I had dropped down under the host stand to hide how I was crying with laughter. We’re located in Louisiana. How far in the wrong direction did he go?)

(In the restaurant where I work, there are only two tables that will sit a group larger than four. A large group approaches the host stand while I am literally in the process of cleaning the only available group table, so they wait, at max, five minutes for it to be clean. They are then promptly seated.

It is a fairly busy lunch so there is a bit of a wait for food, but nothing unreasonable. When I do quality checks and refills, everything seems fine until the end. While clearing the dishes:)

Me: “Any dessert or coffee today?”

Customer: “No.”

Me: “Okay, then, just the bill?”

Customer: “No.”

(I halfheartedly laugh, as this is a lame joke I’ve heard before. When I bring the bill, they crumple it up and throw it on the table, which I find odd and think that it’s a weird way to joke. I honestly have no idea they are upset; I’m usually very good at reading my customers and am sympathetic when they get slow or bad service. 

I leave to let them look over the bill and get the payment terminal. I notice at one end of the table someone has put down some money and the customer who crumpled up the bill took it. I figured they just decided to pay credit, instead. I return with the payment terminal and begin processing their payment when:)

Customer: “This is the worst service I have ever received!”

(I am completely caught off-guard as everything seemed fine and they didn’t complain once throughout the meal.)

Me: “I’m so sorry. Is there anything I can do to fix it?”

Customer: “We waited twenty minutes to be seated!”

(They waited five.)

Customer: “No one brought my son a highchair.”

(The kid was in a highchair when I first greeted the table, so obviously, someone did, and fairly quickly because we have to greet tables within two minutes of being sat.)

Customer: “We waited over an hour for our food!”

(They waited twenty to thirty minutes.)

Customer: “And you never once brought us refills!”

Me: “Actually, I did bring refills to your table.”

(She just ignored me every time I came to the table and asked.)

Me: “And I apologize about the wait times, but it has been a fairly busy lunch. Would you like to speak to my manager?”

Customer: “No! But we will never be dining here again!”

(And with that, she stormed off, of course leaving no tip. I then realized the money that had been left on the other side of the table was meant to be my tip from the sane people at the table who actually paid attention when I asked how everything was and if they wanted refills, and she had stolen it.

I was so mad. My manager could see and asked me what was wrong, so I explained the whole situation. It’s a good thing I did, because the customer called later and tried to complain about me.)

I work at a take away restaurant. All of our employees have to wear their hair in a bun or a braid.

One day, a young lady and her friend come in and order a caesar salad. So I quickly put everything together and she comes to get it. About ten minutes later she comes back with her half-eaten salad, looking angry.

Me: Oh hello again Miss, was there something wrong with your order?

She: Yes! I just found a hair in my salad!

Me:*shocked* I am terribly sorry, I don’t know how this could have happened! May I take a look at it? (we have to confirm in situations like these, that there’s really something wrong)

She: Sure! *she pulls out a long hair out of the salad* Look, here it is! A long blonde hair! This is so disgusting!! I want my money back!

I take a look at the hair, it really is blonde, almost white.

Me: I am sorry Miss, but it’s impossible that this was our fault..

She starts screaming, soon followed by her friend, insulting us.

She: How dare you, are you saying I’m lying?!

Me: I simply said that it’s impossible that one of us got their hair in your salad Miss..

She: And why would THAT be?!

I point at me and my co-workers.

Me: ..because none of us here has long blonde hair..

(she and her friend then stormed out of the restaurant. both of them had long blonde hair)

I used to work as a waitress in a cafeteria-style restaurant. Once we were closed, the food on the line was gone so that the line workers and dishwashers in the back could all get done at a decent time. I once waited on a couple who stayed past closing, and acted oblivious to the fact that we were closed. After complaining twice about their food, and me telling them twice that the line workers had already disposed of the food so I couldn’t replace it, they continued eating while grumbling. The man asked me for a refill on his soda, so I obliged happily. I finished wiping off my last few tables and kept an eye on the couple so I could clean up after them and leave when they were gone. They waved me over once more. When I asked them what the problem was, the woman said “I don’t know how to say this… you got him a refill from the same place, right?” Of course, it was our only open soda machine at that time. “Well… it’s just not fizzy enough.” There were a few seconds of awkward silence as I realized that she was, in fact, serious, and as I tried not to laugh in her face, I brought him yet another refill.
They didn’t need anything else the rest of their meal.