(I am an independently contracted window artist. On this occasion, I am painting the glass double doors at the entrance of a restaurant. When customers approach the double doors, I usually open one for them, because otherwise, they tend to stand there confusedly, despite the full functionality of the door I’m NOT working on. This time, however, I’m standing on a chair and concentrating hard, so when a middle-aged woman approaches the entrance, I just smile and gesture to the other door. She clears her throat rather loudly and pointedly.)

Me: “You can go ahead through this other door, ma’am.”

(I return to my work. After I moment, I realize she hasn’t moved. I look back and find her GLARING at me.)

Customer: “Well?”

Me: “Ma’am?”

Customer: “Aren’t you going to open this door for me? Are you new or something? Your customers are more important than your silly drawings.”

(I had almost been ready to get down from my chair and open the door for her, but after this, I’m less willing.)

Me: “Ma’am, I’m not an employee. I just come here to do the art. As I said, you are welcome to go in through this door here.”

Customer: “That’s no excuse! They’re paying you, aren’t they? That makes you an employee!”

Me: “Ma’am, it is not in my job description to open doors for customers, especially when I am standing on a wobbly chair.”

(The woman huffed loudly and yanked open the door I AM WORKING ON, slamming it into my chair and causing me, in my flail for balance, to drag my hand through my fresh paint and ruin my work. I told the manager what happened, and she showed me how to lock the doors individually so I could lock the one I am working on. When the woman approached the door to leave, she deliberately tried to shove my door open again. Instead, she just slammed HERSELF hard against the locked door. She then opened the other door and rushed out without looking at me. It sounded like that door hurt!)

(I am a customer at a restaurant. I am paying with gift cards.)

Server: “And if you choose to tip me using the gift card—”

Me: “Sorry, I only tip with cash.”

Server: *joking* “Oh, darn! And I have to report it for taxes.”

Me: *joking back* “Well, I guess that’s just your problem now, isn’t it?”

(At this point, a nosy old woman at the next table interjects:)

Customer: “That’s terrible! How could you? This young woman needs her tips.”

Server: “It’s all right, ma’am. I actually like cash tips.”

Customer: “It’s not all right. I demand to see your manager now!”

(Despite the server’s attempts to convince the woman that a cash tip is okay, she is forced to call the manager. The poor manager spends several minutes trying to convince the woman that I can, in fact, leave a cash tip, and that the server will like it.)

Customer: *to me as I am leaving* “I hope you’re proud of yourself! If she has trouble on her taxes, it will be all your fault. You are going to Hell!”

(My boyfriend and I are at a popular Australian-themed restaurant. I’ve never worked in a restaurant, but I’ve worked retail and customer service, so I always try to be nice and tip a lot. I take a bite of my baked potato, and my teeth stop on something crunchy. I pull out a shard of glass just as our server comes over.)

Server: “You’re looking concerned. Can I help with anything?”

Me: “I am so sorry. I never complain, but there’s a shard of glass in my potato. Normally, I wouldn’t say anything, but I thought I’d tell you so you could check the rest of the food back there.”

Server: *looks horrified* “Oh, my gosh! I am so sorry! I’ll be right back!”

(In a few minutes, the owner comes out.)

Owner: “I hear you had some glass in your food?”

Me: “Yes, but I don’t think I ingested any, so we’re good.”

Owner: “Wow, it’s not often you meet someone who’s nice about stuff like this. Because of that, we’ll comp your meal.”

(They also gave us a gift card for our next meal. We still eat there; we only found glass once, so I figure it’s okay!)

(It is my little sister’s birthday. To celebrate, we have booked into a favourite restaurant in the city centre, where one of my university friends waits tables. As usual, I go in about two hours prior with a birthday cake, and ask the staff if they would mind bringing it out after we finish our food. I bake and decorate the cakes myself as a hobby, and I get carried away, so they’re usually quite extravagant. I’ve themed this one around Pitch Perfect, one of my sister’s favourite films.)

Other Customer: “Excuse me, [Waiter Friend]. Could you tell me where I can order one of those cakes?” *she points at our table*

Waiter: “I don’t know about that. [My Name] makes them herself, but we do parties often, and I can recommend some oth—”

Customer: “No! Don’t fob me off. I’ll ask them myself.”

(She gets up and walks over to our table.)

Customer: “Excuse me; I am sorry to interrupt your meal, but I was wondering if you could tell me where you ordered that cake? I need one identical for my daughter’s graduation.”

Me: “I made it myself, but I don’t do this as a business. I’m sorry. I believe [Waiter] has a list of approved affiliate bakeries they use for parties. Contact one of them?”

Customer: “NO! You’re as bad as [Waiter]. You’re just saying that so I stop disturbing you.”

Me: “I’m telling the truth, but you ARE disturbing me. It’s my sister’s birthday. We are trying to enjoy it, but you’re causing a scene.”

Customer: “Stop LYING. You just don’t want me to have a cake as nice as yours.”

Sister: “Look, lady. She makes cakes for all her family and friends! Here; I’ve got photos of her making other ones.”

(My sister pulls out her phone and flips through it to show pictures of the two of us fooling around in the kitchen, making cakes. The customer watches.)

Customer: “Okay, fine. Whatever. You make them? Good. You WILL make one of those for me; I’ll pay you a reasonable amount, if I’m satisfied with the work.”

Me: “Nope, I’m not in the business. Sorry.”

Customer: “Well, you should be! I need that cake. You do understand I’m offering to pay you, here?”

Me: “People like you are exactly why I’m not. I would like for you to leave us in peace now, if you don’t mind.”

Customer: “Well, I never! So rude! [Waiter], fire her!”

Waiter: “Ma’am, she is a customer. How can I fire her?”

Customer: “Kick her out and bar her. She is so unhelpful!”

Waiter: “She is a customer; she can be as ‘unhelpful’ towards you as she pleases if you’re going to harass her. I’m going to fetch you your bill. I don’t want gratuity, and I’m knocking 25% off before you even START to quibble on the price like you normally do. Please pay it and leave, before I call the police.”

(The lady opens her mouth with half a mind to give my friend a dressing down, but shuts her mouth, pays up, and leaves. I guess she knew eventually to admit defeat.)

Waiter: “Sorry about that, you guys!”

Me: “Don’t mention it. Here, put that lady’s 25% in the tip jar; I’ll cover it. Thanks for getting her out; I thought she was gonna punch me!”

(The owner ended up giving us the meal for free, so we put the entire meal cost into the tip pool. They said that the lady was also a regular, whom they disliked and were trying to get banned, but that she hadn’t been back since our “altercation.” I guess cake can solve almost anything!)

THROWBACK THURSDAY! Check out this awesome story that you may have missed! What’s a crazy cheapskate experience you’ve had? Let us know in the comments!

(Well, it was at a seafood restaurant, but it’s happened at other places. Servers from all over know about it)

Me: “And what would you like to drink today?”

Customer: “Five waters. We also need more sugar. And please bring a lot of lemons.”

(I bring them extra lemons and more sugar, but it was not enough)

Customer: “We gonna need a helluva lot more than that!”

(Turns out they needed all of this to make LEMONADE at the table! Talk about cheap…)