Not Quite (Grape) Crushing It

, , , , , | Right | February 26, 2018

(I work at a small Chinese takeout. We do have drinks available, but the selection is definitely not as varied as you might find at larger restaurants. This customer has just placed an order and this happens at the end.)

Customer: “Yeah, and what drinks do you have?”

Me: “We’ve got Coke, Diet Coke, Pepsi, Ginger Ale, and Sprite.”

Customer: “Okay, I’ll take an iced tea.”

Me: “I’m sorry, we don’t have iced tea. We’ve got Coke, Diet Coke, Pepsi, Ginger Ale, and Sprite.”

Customer: “Give me a Grape Crush.”

Me: *screaming on the inside* “Again, we have Coke, Diet Coke, Pepsi, Ginger Ale, and Sprite.”

Customer: “Do you have Coke Zero?”

Me: *honestly baffled at this point, because I don’t know what part’s not getting through* “Coke. Diet Coke. Pepsi. Ginger Ale. Or Sprite.”

(The kicker? After asking if we could go get him a two-liter bottle of Grape Crush so he could get it with his PICK UP order, he just decided not to get a drink at all.)

Kids Have The Best Stalling Tactics

, , , , , , | Friendly | February 23, 2018

One time I was in a bathroom stall at a restaurant. A mother and her young child decided to go into the stall directly next to mine.

Suddenly, I saw this little, tiny kid basically crawling under our conjoined stalls. I didn’t know what to do; I was shocked. Our eyes met; he was still going for it, despite me slowly shaking my head. I was so confused.

So, I reached down, placed my fingers against his forehead, and slowly pushed him back under the stall.

Only after I left the bathroom did I realize how silly that was.

The Kind Of Birthday Gift You Need To Unwrap

, , , , , , | Working | February 23, 2018

(Our supervisor is making the schedule for the following week.)

Supervisor: “Monday is my birthday. I’m going to draw a balloon on that day.”

(She draws a small, crude picture of a balloon on the schedule.)

Me: “Looks more like a sperm.”

Supervisor: *grins* “Well, I hope I get that on my birthday, too!”

They Look Twice As Decent As They Half-Deserve

, , , , , | Working | February 21, 2018

(My parents and I are headed home from a family vacation. We stop at a popular chain restaurant for a bite to eat. We have a lovely meal and when we ask for the check this happens.)

Waitress: “Should I apply a senior discount?” *she’s looking at my dad*

Dad: “Um… I’m 45, so… no.”

Waitress: *innocently* “Oh, I’m sorry, sir. We have a lot of people who ask for a senior discount, and many of them look younger than you!”

(With that she smiled and went off to get the check, leaving my entire family wondering if she had any idea that she had just insulted my dad. We got a good laugh out of it, so her tip was not affected.)

Some Customers Can Be Truly Calculating

, , , | Right | February 21, 2018

(I serve a family of five, and they leave a really generous tip. When I am cleaning their table, I find a napkin with notes:)


“Waiter was smiling 2%
Menus given quickly +5%
Waiter accurately told approximate time to receiving food +5%
Allergen information +5%
Substitutes offered +5%
Asked about taste only once +5%
Wished a good day +2%”

(Yep. Some customers are really calculating their tips!)

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