Unfiltered Story #147726

, , | Unfiltered | April 23, 2019

Hostess: (In Italian) Hello sir, welcome to [Name of Restaurant]!
Customer: (In English) God d*****, speak English for god’s sake! Stop this barbaric dead language!
Hostess: (switching to English) I’m sorry sir, but this is Rome, and most people here speak Italian.
Customer: Why? They should speak the good, proper language of English, not this freak stuff.
Hostess: But sir, we are in Italy. Most everyone here speaks the language of our country.
Customer: Well they shouldn’t. They’re just dumb to not learn our language as well as their own.
Hostess: Well sir, how many languages do you know?
Customer: Just English. Good old English, like we all should.
Hostess: Well I’m sorry sir, but we cannot serve bigoted a**holes. Goodbye

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You Can Hear The Bells Of Bow From Saint Peter’s

, , , , , , | Friendly | April 10, 2019

(My wife and I are on our honeymoon and have just finished a tour of the Vatican. We are making our way through people trying to join the entry queue. I try to speak — bad — Italian, complete with accent, and weave through the crowds, wife in tow. I am over six feet tall and from London, and I have my arm out to part the crowd.)

Me: “Scusi… Scusi… Prego… Scusi.”

(I spot some British tourists up ahead trying to join the back of the line by climbing over the barrier, rather unsuccessfully. I keep an eye out, prepared for the inevitable.)

Me: “Scusi… Prego…”

(I drop into a thick London accent with no time to deal with idiots.)

Me: “COMING THROUGH, MATE!”

(The family parted faster than the Red Sea as we came through, my wife laughing her head off!)

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Making A Leap Of Understanding

, , , , , , | Learning | March 13, 2019

(Two classmates and I are chatting and waiting for class to finish. The topic of leap years comes up.)

Classmate #1: “I have a friend who was born on leap day. He’s only had like three birthdays.”  

Me: “I heard about a family that had three kids born on consecutive leap days.”

Classmate #2: “Twelve years apart? That’s quite a gap.”

Me: “No, it’s eight years apart, which is not that weird.”

Classmate #1: “A leap year is every four years. Three kids, that’s twelve years. You need to check your math.”

Classmate #2: “Yeah, that’s right.”

Me: “No… Okay. You have a kid in 2000. Four years later, you have another kid. Four years later, you have a third kid, and it’s been eight years.”

(It dawns on them that I am correct.)

Classmate #2: “This never happened.”

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Snakes In A Drain

, , , , , | Friendly | April 13, 2018

When I was 16, I had the opportunity to go on a multi-city European trip with two of my best friends, their parents, and a few other adults. One friend was my age, and her younger sister was 13. We arrived in Rome during the first leg of the trip and went straight to the hotel, since it was already pretty late. The younger sister called dibs on using the shower first. So, the older sister and I decided to turn the TV on to find a weather report for the next day. This was before smartphones, and there was no guest-use computer in the hotel that we knew of.

When we turned the TV on, it happened to be on a channel showing an Italian-dubbed version of the 1997 movie Anaconda, right at a part when the giant snake pops out of the water hissing and people start shouting, etc. Next thing we knew, we heard [Younger Sister] screaming her head off in the bathroom. She came running out, soaking wet and barely holding a towel over herself, screaming, “There’s a snake in the bathroom!”

The older sister and I looked at each other, and then we looked at the TV. I ran into the bathroom, and sure enough, there was a speaker in the ceiling that could have easily been mistaken for an air vent. The previous occupant had also apparently turned the volume all the way up.

I laughed so hard I cried, and the older sister practically rolled off the bed. [Younger Sister] was pretty mad at us, even though we had no way of knowing there was a speaker in the bathroom or that Anaconda would be the first thing on TV when we turned it on, but she didn’t speak to us again until the next day.

We’re all now in our 20s, and I recently reminded both of them about that story. The younger sister can laugh about it now!

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