Shirley, You Can’t Be Serious

| MN, USA | Right | May 14, 2017

(I’m waiting on a lady and her son, who looks about 12 or 13.)

Me: “What would you like to drink?”

Lady: “I’ll have a diet Pepsi.”

Boy: “Um… what do you have?”

Me: “We have Pepsi products. I’ve also got some grenadine if you’d like a Shirley Temple.”

Boy: “Oh…” *blushing slightly* “Um, I’m not old enough to drink.”

(His mother snickers and I try to stifle a giggle as well.)

Me: “Grenadine is cherry syrup and a Shirley Temple is just like cherry 7-Up. Also called a kiddie cocktail.”

Boy: *looking embarrassed* “Oh…”

A Reversal Of Fortune

| NY, USA | Related | May 12, 2017

(My brother is still learning to read, so he will always ask my mom to read the fortunes in his fortune cookies to him. Every time, without fail, my mother would, regardless of the actual fortune, read out “You’re ugly and your mother dresses you funny.” My brother would get so mad, but then totally forget and still ask her to read his fortune the next time. One day, when he is older and can read on his own, he decides to try and turn the tables on her.)

Brother: *snatches up a fortune cookie* “I’m going to read yours, mom.” *opens the cookie* “You’re ugly and your mother dresses you funny…” *looks very pleased with himself*

Mother: *deadpan expression* “My mom is dead.”

(Cue a horrified look from my brother, who didn’t know how to respond to my mother’s very dry humor. He never tried to pull that joke on her again.)

Needs A Shower For Your Brain

| KA, USA | Right | May 11, 2017

(I volunteer at a local community theater as a stagehand. It’s opening night, and I arrive early to help set-up and check that the special effects are in order. We finish with enough time before the house opens, so I run down the street for a quick snack from a restaurant. There’s a fair number of people in there, most of whom are regulars for the theater. I say hello and remind everyone of the show times and dates. As I’m leaving I catch the attention of a couple near the door.)

Me: “Hiya, folks! Going to see the show tonight?”

Man: “Yep, we got our tickets and everything. It starts at 7:30, right?”

Me: “Yep, that’s right! You’ve plenty of time before it starts.”

Woman: “I have to go home and shower first!”

(I stand slightly in shock, not sure how to react.)

Man: *acting as if this is ordinary* “Yeah, we just got off work. Thought we’d grab a bit rather than go home, cook, shower, then come back. So once we’re done, we’ll go home, shower up, and come back. You did say it was 7:30, right?”

Me: “Er… yes, 7:30. I… I hope you enjoy yourselves.”

Woman: “We will! Just gotta go home and shower; get all my nooks and crannies clean!”

(I beat a hasty retreat after that. And everyone wonders why no one strikes up conversations with people you meet in public anymore!)

A Long Day And Some Change

, | UT, USA | Working | May 10, 2017

(I had just paid for my lunch at a fast food restaurant and was waiting for my change.)

Cashier: *as he hands me my change* “Okay, your total is $12.05…”

(He hung his head as he realized what he said.)

Me: “It’s been a long day?”

Cashier: *tiredly agreeing* “It’s been a long day.”

They Must Be On Shrooms

| OH, USA | Right | May 9, 2017

(The restaurant I work at recently started serving a new cheeseburger with a popular mushroom on it. The name of the mushroom is in the title.)

Customer: “Does the [New Sandwich with mushroom name] have mushrooms?”

(Everyone wearing a headset stares at each other.)

Me: “Yes.”

Customer: “Can I get it without mushrooms?”

(Everyone with a headset continues staring.)

Customer: “Yes. We can make that sandwich with just a cheese sauce.”

Me: *saying what everyone’s thinking* “Why get a mushroom burger without the mushrooms?”

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