Do Not Make Contact With Your Girlfriend

, , , , , , | Romantic | October 8, 2017

(I am waiting for my boyfriend at a restaurant and this happens:)

Stranger With Glasses: *walks up to me* “Hey, beautiful.”

(The stranger kisses me before I can react. I freak out and punch him in the face, throwing him to the floor and knocking off his glasses.)

Me: “YOU CRAZY SICKO! Wait a minute… [Boyfriend]?”

(And that’s how I found out my boyfriend wears contacts.)

Their Relationship Is About To Get A Shake-down

, , , , | Right | October 7, 2017

(I get a phone call from a customer.)

Caller: “I just got my shake, and it isn’t a shake; it’s just milk!”

(As I start to request details, I realize that her shake was made almost 40 minutes ago. It was a fairly unique shake, so, to be sure that she has called the right location, and I am dealing with the right order, I ask:)

Me: “Is this the order from a half hour ago… with the [Soda], too?”

Caller: “No! We were just there!”

(The woman on the phone then starts yelling at someone in the background.)

Caller: “What else was on the order?!”

(I start to feel uneasy, because when we handed the order out, there was a man and a woman in the vehicle, but I get the impression that this caller is not that woman. I hear the man in the background.)

Man In Background: “I just got your food, baby; I just left there. Wait, hand me the phone. Let me talk to them. They pulled me up and parked me; that’s why the shake melted!”

(The caller screams at me that we parked him.)

Me: “We may have, but I’m still trying to figure out which order yours was, and the last car we parked was 30 minutes ago. What else was on the order? Was this the guy who had the [Shake that she is claiming that is milk], the two kids’ meals, and the [Soda]?”

(There was silence on the phone. Then, I heard what sounded like a demon unleashing their wrath upon someone. Then, the phone hung up. I wish I didn’t have to deal with people trying to involve my job in their breakup or infidelity.)

Cross You Off The List

, , , , | Related | October 6, 2017

(My parents are visiting me at school for the weekend, and on Sunday morning we go out to breakfast. Between family weekend and a banquet in back, the restaurant is fairly crowded, especially for such a small town. After breakfast, my mother and I wait outside for my father to pay, and the hostess pops in and out to look for parties who are enjoying the sunshine while waiting to be seated.)

Hostess: “I’m looking for a ‘Cross’ party.” *looks at my mother and me* “Are you Cross?”

Me: “No, we’re quite pleased.”

Has Beef With Your Coleslaw

, , , , , | Right | October 6, 2017

Customer: *to one of our favorite servers* “Please take this coleslaw away.”

Server: “Is something wrong with it?”

Customer: “Yes! This coleslaw has a strong cabbage flavor!”

Server: “Sort of how the brisket had a strong beef flavor?”

Grilling Yourself For The Right Word

, , , , , | Working | October 5, 2017

The restaurant I’m going to has an app that lets you order a meal ahead of time to be picked up. Before I leave for the restaurant, I order a pasta dish with chicken added to it on the app. A minute later, I get a phone call from the restaurant, and a flustered employee tells me, “The, uh… the machine that makes the chicken is down.”

I change my order to have meatballs instead. On my way to the restaurant, I’m wondering what “the machine that makes the chicken” is. A meat slicer, maybe? When I get there, I see approximately five signs warning me that they cannot make any pot-stickers or chicken because a particular piece of equipment is broken.

It’s the grill. The word she was looking for was “grill.” She must have been having a rough day.

Page 4/622First...23456...Last
« Previous
Next »