That Cheesed Them Off!

| State College, PA, USA | Right | July 31, 2017

(I was a waitress in a popular Mexican chain. One particularly rude and obnoxious business woman always comes in for lunch at least once a week with a different companion each time. She orders the same thing each time.)

Customer #1: “I want a [Soda] with lemon. Bring one right away and bring a second a few minutes later. I am thirsty but I don’t want the ice to melt. Then I want low fat chicken enchiladas. They are low fat, right?” *she asks this every single time* “Good, I am on a diet. I don’t want the rice or refried beans. They are too fattening. I want all corncake instead. Oh, and I want a side of sour cream and a side of guacamole. You better not charge me for it. They don’t charge me because I am a regular.”

Me: “Ma’am. I waited on you last week and the week before. You had this discussion with the manager. Guacamole is an extra charge.”

Customer #1: “Fine! But it is coming out of your tip! Now you heard me! All corncake! Right?”

Me: “I should let you know since you said you were on a diet. The corncake is really normally just a little item as a treat. It is insanely high in fat. It is probably 80% butter. In one pan this big—” *I show with my hands* “—we use eight huge sticks of butter. The rice is extremely low fat and very healthy.”

Customer #1: “Oh, no! I don’t care. I love that corncake! I come here just for that!”

Me: “We will prepare your order as you like. And what may I get for you today?” *I turn to her companion who has been studying the menu like she is trying to pass the bar*

Customer #2: “I don’t understand any of this. It all looks so foreign. I’ll just have exactly what she is having. Exactly. Oh but no cheese on the enchiladas.”

Me: “What about inside? Since they have no sauce, without cheese, they will be very dry, I am afraid.”

Customer #2: “Oh, my God, they have cheese inside, too? I don’t want cheese anywhere on my plate! Not a shred! Or I won’t pay! I’ll scream if there is one bit of cheese on my plate!”

(Knowing I am not getting a tip anyway — she always pays and only leaves the coins from the change, never a bill, no matter how good the service is — I confirm first the customer is not allergic; she just really hates cheese.)

Me: “Ma’am, if you hate cheese so much, may I ask why you came to a Mexican restaurant? We put cheese in everything. Heck, there is at least a pound of cheese in the [Soda]s I am about to bring you.”

Customer #2: *literally screaming* “OH, MY GOD… WHY WOULD YOU PUT CHEESE IN [SODA]S? WHAT KIND OF SADISTIC B******S ARE YOU?”

(To her credit, her companion thought this was hilarious and helped me calm her friend down and explain to her we did not, in fact, put cheese in the soft drinks. She also left me a whole dollar and the coins on their $28 check.)

Server Getting Served

| USA | Working | July 31, 2017

(It is my third day at my first job. Our restaurant gets extremely busy on the weekends—luckily, our computer system at the hostess station keeps tables organized. Servers are assigned tables throughout the night; it is part of my job to let the servers know when they have a new table.)

Hostess #1: *a few feet away* “Tell [Server] he has four people at table 46. Oh, and that I said he sucks.”

(I hunt down the server in the middle of the restaurant.)

Me: “[Server], four at 46. And [Hostess #1] says you suck.”

Server: *deadpan* “Thanks.”

(I return to the hostess station.)

Me: “[Server] knows he sucks.”

Hostess #1: “Oh, nooooo!”

Hostess #2: “What’s wrong?”

Hostess #1: “I said to tell [Server] I was sorry! I gave him the wrong table number!”

Me: “Oh, no.”

Hostess #2: “Eh, [Server]’s tough. He’ll be okay.”

The Cold Never Bothered Them Anyway

| Lincoln, NE, USA | Working | July 28, 2017

(I work as a general manager in a restaurant that is one of several owned by three brothers. I always schedule myself the closing shift of Fridays. The restaurant I am running has an ongoing issue with the furnace that heats the dining room. I show up for my Friday night closing shift at 4:30 and immediately notice the customers in the dining room wearing their coats. I check the thermostat and it is 55 degrees in the dining room. I go to the manager that had been working all day.)

Me: “Hey, did you know the furnace isn’t on in the dining room?”

Manager: “Yeah, it hasn’t been on all day.”

(Because they own several restaurants, there is a full time maintenance person.)

Me: “Have you called [Maintenance Person]?”

Manager: “No. I figured I would wait for you to come in.”

(Annoyed I go and call the maintenance person.)

Me: “Hey, the furnace has kicked off again.”

Maintenance Person: “All right, I will be there right over.”

(I hang up the phone and it rings before I can even walk away. I answer and it’s one of the owners.)

Owner: “Hey, can that wait until Monday?”

Me: “It’s already 55 degrees in the dining room and it’s supposed to be single digit highs all weekend.”

Owner: “Well, we are already at the bar. I really think it could wait until Monday.”

Me: “The customers are already eating with their coats on. This cannot wait until Monday.”

Owner: “All right, I will send [Maintenance Person] over.”

(The maintenance person showed up about 20 minutes later with instructions to show me how to reset the furnace so they wouldn’t have to come out and do it any more. Heaven forbid I take the owner’s drinking buddy away from him.)

Out Of State, Out Of Mind

, | Kansas City, MO, USA | Right | July 28, 2017

(Kansas City, Missouri and Kansas City, Kansas are neighboring cities on the Kansas-Missouri state line. The larger of the two cities is the one on the Missouri side, but it is not uncommon for tourists to assume the airport is in Kansas. I work on the retail side of a popular chain of stores that features a restaurant in half the building and a retail store in the other half. Guests frequently ask me where they are, and at first I think this is another one of those situations. It is mid-July, and two women wearing over-sized t-shirts showing more than I wanted to see and in desperate need of a shower come through the front door and walk straight up to me. I am 17 and really have not driven much outside of my own neighborhood.)

Me: “Hello!”

Woman #1: “What state are we in?”

Me: “This is Missouri.”

Woman #2: “Oh, so we made it! Now, how much further ’till we get to Branson?”

(Branson is a small town in southern Missouri, nationally known for its theaters, go-carts, and theme parks. It is also over 200 miles southwest of Kansas City, and the traffic in the summer makes for a long drive.)

Me: “Branson is about four hours south of here.”

Woman #2: “Really? Are you sure?”

Me: “I have family near Branson. I have been to the Ozarks many times. It is a four hour drive this time of year, longer if the traffic is bad.”

Woman #2: “So, how do we get there?”

Me: “I don’t know, but I have a map behind the register.” *taking a step toward the register* “Where are you from?”

Both Women: *rather proudly* “AR-can-SAAAAW!”

Me: *thinking they were planning to visit Branson on their way back to Arkansas* “Oh? So you’re heading back toward home, then?”

Woman #1: *directs a confused look at [Woman #2]*

Woman #2: “No. We just left home this morning!”

Me: “…”

Woman #1: “We’ve been driving for six hours!”

Me: “Um… you had to drive past Branson to get here.”

Woman #1: *glaring at the other woman* “I told you it couldn’t be this far away!”

Woman #2: “Well, I thought we would see it if we just kept heading north!”

Woman #1: “Well, let’s drive south now. I’m sure we’ll find it eventually!”

(The two women turned and bounded at the front door, shouting “Thank you!” as they went. Thank you, ladies. I am sure the great states of Arkansas and Missouri are proud that you have perpetuated the stereotype of the Ozark Hillbilly.)

Some Types Of Trouble Are Worth Getting Into

, , | | Right | July 27, 2017

Throwback ThursdaysTHROWBACK THURSDAY! Check out this awesome story that you may have missed! What’s a crazy restaurant experience you’ve had? Let us know in the comments!

Guest: “Do your steaks come from a cow?”

Me: “Yes.”

Guest: “Are you sure?”

Me: “Yes, her name was Maybell and we all will miss her very much…”

Boss: *not laughing*

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