Whatever Direction You’re Coming From, This Went South

, , , , , , | Working | June 7, 2018

(I want to visit a restaurant that’s on a street parallel to the ocean, but I’m not sure where it is, so I telephone the restaurant.)

Me: “I’d like to go to [Restaurant] tonight, but I have a question as to where it is. Am I right that it’s between [Street #1] and [Street #2] on [Highway]?”

Receptionist: “Yes, that’s right.”

Me: “So, is it on the east side of [Highway] or the west side of [Highway]?”

Receptionist: “Well, that depends on which direction you are coming from.”

Me: “It doesn’t matter which direction I’m coming from! I asked if it’s on the east or west. It’s either on the east, closer to the ocean, or on the west, the side farther away from the ocean. So, which is it?”

Receptionist: *click*

(After my meal, I reported the incident to the manager, who couldn’t believe this happened!)

The Husband Is Just Soup-er

, , , | Right | June 7, 2018

(I work at a restaurant where a special menu deal is being offered at the moment. One can order an appetizer and entree off of the special menu for $25. I am serving an elderly couple.)

Woman: “Hi, I’d like to order off the special menu. Can I get a minestrone with the chicken Marsala?”

Me: “Sorry, ma’am, the minestrone isn’t part of the special deal. You can get the chicken Marsala with a different soup.”

Woman: “I really want the minestrone. Can’t you just give it to me?”

Me: “Not for the special deal, sorry.”

Woman: “FINE! I guess I’ll get the chicken Marsala with the split pea soup, and have the minestrone on the side.”

(She proceeds to throw her menu on the table and huff. Her husband gives me an apologetic look and places a simple order. I come back with their food later. The woman throws me dirty looks and eats grumpily, making loud noises with her knife and fork. She doesn’t touch her split pea soup. She exits the restaurant, shooting me a nasty look as her husband pays the bill.)

Husband: “Can we have this soup to go, please?”

Me: “No problem!”

(When I returned to the table I saw a note that said, “Sorry for my wife’s behavior! Please enjoy the soup!” He also left a nice tip!)

Rudolph Misbehaved

, , , , | Right | June 6, 2018

(This is at the breakfast buffet special.)

Me: “So, how are you enjoying the reindeer sausage?”

Tourist: “It’s good, but what is it really?”

Me: “What do you mean? It’s reindeer sausage.”

Tourist: “But they just call it that, right? It’s not actually made out of reindeer.”

Peppered With Inconsideration

, , , , , , | Related | June 5, 2018

(I’m intolerant to peppers, onions, and things like them. If I eat them, or things made with their juices, I will spend hours in agony. As such, I don’t go to Mexican places. My mother knows this.)

Mother: “I don’t want to cook, so let’s just go out to eat.”

Brother: “[Mexican Chicken Place]!”

Me: “No! I don’t want to end up eating rice again!”

Mother: “Nonsense! There are lots of things you can eat!”

(She pulls into the drive-thru and orders for us. She gets me corn and mashed potatoes.)

Me: *opens the box* “They put peppers in everything. I can’t eat this.”

Mother: “Stop being so difficult! Just eat your food.”

(I try to scrape the peppers off, but they really are on everything. It’s clear they were fresh, so their juices definitely got everywhere. I spend the next two days in my room and on the toilet.)

Mother: “Come out already! You’re so ridiculous! Stop being so antisocial!”

Needs A Timeout With Her Juice

, , , , , | Right | June 4, 2018

(I am serving a plate to a customer. Before I can even set it down on her table, she reaches out to grab it and knocks over her glass bottle of juice. Note that the juice is from a grocery store across the street.)

Customer: “My juice!”

Me: “Uh-oh! Let me sweep that up before someone gets hurt. Don’t worry; accidents happen!”

Customer: “That was $6!”

Me: “Oh, no! How about I get you a cup of whatever drink you’d like?”

Customer: “I only drank half of it!”

Me: “Aw… Well, like I said, I’ll get you a free cup as soon as I sweep up this glass.”

Customer: *starts crying* “I don’t want a free cup; I want my juice!

Me: “I understand; however, your juice is from [Grocery Store] and is not something we sell here. Therefore, I’m afraid I can’t give you an exact replacement.”

Customer: “I know that! I want some sort of compensation!”

Me: “What would you like, if not the cup, ma’am?”

Customer: “Money! At least give me back what I spent on my juice! It was $6! I didn’t even finish it! It was $6!”

Me: “I’m sorry, but I don’t have $6 to give you.”

Customer: “You knocked it over on purpose!” *screaming* “I WANT TO SPEAK TO A MANAGER!”

Me: “Sure thing. I’ll go get him.”

(I pull my manager aside and explain how my customer accidentally knocked over her drink. We go over to the customer.)

Manager: “Hi, ma’am. What seems to be the problem?”

Customer: “This b**** knocked over my drink! I want compensation!”

Manager: *explains what I already told her*

Customer: “THEN I WANT A REFUND! SHE DID IT ON PURPOSE!”

Manager: “All right, ma’am. Wait here.”

(As he turns away, one of my other tables calls him over for a moment. My manager performs the refund, then returns to the customer.)

Manager: “All right, here’s your change for the refund.”

Customer: *counts change* “YOU STILL OWE ME $6 FOR MY JUICE!”

Manager: “Ma’am, I have eyewitnesses that confirm that you, in fact, knocked your own drink over. I gave you your money back, regardless. Now, stop harassing my employee and me, or I will have you removed from the building.”

Customer: *falls silent*

(She finished her food. She actually had the nerve to later ask me for a nickel in exchange for five pennies. That nickel ended up being my tip. Luckily, the customers from my other table complimented my customer service after she left, and they left me a 50% tip!)

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