They Didn’t Come To That Explanation Organically

, , , | Right | August 3, 2018

(I’m sitting in a diner next to a large family, and I don’t think they really understand what organic means, because suddenly I hear this.)

Woman #1: *presumably to the children* “Well, it’s organic milk. The reason it tastes sweet is because it’s from one cow.”

Woman #2: “And non-organic comes from multiple cows.”

Woman #1: “Exactly!”

(You can’t imagine the amount of restraint it took to keep my mouth shut.)

Too Chicken To Call Out The Vegans

, , , | Right | August 3, 2018

Customer: “Hello. Your board says that your curry is vegan; is that right?”

Me: “Yes, that’s right: our vegetable curry is vegan.”

Customer: “But it also says that you can buy it with chicken, right?”

Me: “Yes.”

Customer: “But then it’s not vegan anymore!”

Me: *confused* “Yes. If you order it with chicken, the curry’s not vegan anymore. If you order it without it, it is.”

Customer: “You’re confusing the customers! How are the vegans supposed to know that it’s not vegan anymore after you put chicken inside the curry?!”

Me: *whispers to myself* “Well, I don’t know. Common sense, maybe?”

X Marks The Spot Of No Tolerance

, , , | Right | August 3, 2018

(I am working as a waitress in a diner. It’s a Monday and over the weekend I saw my boyfriend’s band perform at a bar. Since I was not 21, the security guard drew Xs on my hands in permanent marker so I wouldn’t drink. I am serving an elderly couple, and the woman suddenly says:)

Elderly Woman: “You should cover those up, dear.”

Me: “What do you mean, ma’am?”

Elderly Woman: “Those tattoos! They look like gang tattoos!”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but these are just permanent marker. I went to a bar to see a band perform and since I’m underage, I had to get these so the bartender wouldn’t serve me.”

Elderly Woman: “I don’t believe you. I want to see your manager!”

(I get my manager, who was also at the show and saw me there.)

Me: “What seems to be the problem, ma’am?”

Elderly Woman: “This girl has gang tattoos on her hands! You should fire her immediately!”

Manager: “[My Name] has worked here for over a year. I know she’s not in a gang, and I saw her at the concert where she got these Xs.”

Elderly Woman: “I still don’t like them! They make me uncomfortable!”

Me: “If it would make you feel better, ma’am, I can go to the bathroom and scrub my hands until the Xs are gone.”

Elderly Woman: “They won’t be gone, because they’re tattoos!”

(I go to the bathroom and scrub my hands for a good ten minutes until the marker has more or less faded, and my hands are red and raw. I go back to the elderly couple’s table and show the woman my hands.)

Me: “You see, ma’am? It was just permanent marker.”

(The woman just huffs and asks for the check. Before they leave, her husband says to me:)

Elderly Man: “I’m so sorry about her. She’s been this cranky since I met her.”

(He gave me a tip. I haven’t seen the couple since, and now that I’m over 21, I don’t have to worry about my supposed “gang tattoos” anymore.)

All Wrapped Up Into One Salad Sandwich

, , , | Right | August 2, 2018

Me: “Hello, may I take your order, please?”

Customer: “I want the veggie.”

Me: “Would you like it as a wrap, a sandwich, or a salad?”

Customer: “What’s the difference?”

Karma, Thy Name Is Toilet Paper

, , , , , | Friendly | August 1, 2018

(My family and I are eating out for lunch. I excuse myself to the restroom, and have to wait for a stall. A young woman enters and stands quietly behind me. Then, another woman enters and gets in line, talking loudly on her phone.)

Woman On The Phone: “…and he said I couldn’t go to the party! Can you believe it?!”

(She’s not very far behind me and almost shouting, so I’m more than uncomfortable. The woman continues complaining to whomever is on the other end of the call, and I wait uneasily until a stall opens. Unfortunately, it’s after I latch the door and prepare to do my business that I realize there’s no toilet paper left. I put myself back together and leave the stall. The young woman who was waiting in line behind me starts to walk into the stall I just left.)

Me: “Excuse me, but there’s no toilet paper left in there.”

Young Woman: *steps back* “Oh, thank you! I—”

Woman On The Phone: “So I said…” *brushes past us into the stall, still chattering away*

Me: “Ma’am, wait! There’s—”

(The woman slammed the door. Cue the other young woman and me making eye contact, trying not to laugh. I guess karma exists after all!)

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