(I always have some sort of health issue, which often comes with pain. It’s no big deal by now, but new friends tend to overreact about it. I usually appreciate the concern.)

Friend: “I’ll pray for you to get better!”

Me: “Please don’t! It’s against my religion.”

Friend: “What kind of religion is against prayer?”

Me: *already dreading where this is going* “Mine. So please don’t.”

Friend: “But I want to.”

Me: “But I don’t want you to.”

Friend: “But prayer isn’t bad! I’m sending you good vibes. I’ll pray for you, anyway.”

Me: *sighs* “Look. I asked you not to, so your prayer would turn into a negative energy curse. It would do the opposite of what you want and make me sicker. Please don’t do it.”

Quickly-Becoming-Ex-Friend: “That’s absurd! How could my prayer turn into a curse?!”

Me: *losing temper* “How could it not?! Is this prayer for me or for you?! I asked you not to pray. I made a simple request. Honor it, or get out.”

Ex-Friend: “Fine!” *muttering* “I’ll pray for you anyway, a**hole.” *louder* “Because I’m a nice person!” *leaves*

(I spent the weekend in pain.)

(I have just graduated from college and I am home alone. Someone is at the door, so I answer it. Judging by the way he is dressed, he is a priest or pastor. I haven’t gone to church since I was 12, so I don’t know him.)

Pastor: “I’m here to congratulate you on graduation.”

Me: “Okay, thanks.”

(He looks at me and I look at him. Nothing happens, A few moments of awkward silence pass.)

Pastor: “I have other people to see. Bye.”

Me: “Bye.”

(Later when my parents are home again, I mention this strange encounter.)

Mom: “You didn’t invite him in?”

Me: “No, why should I do that?”

Dad: *laughing* “That’s why he came here.”

(My dad explained that it was the pastor who would always visit people on special occasions like birth, baptism, marriage, anniversary, or graduation expecting that people would ask him in and offer him a cigar and perhaps a few glasses of brandy. This time he wasn’t even close to a cigar.)

(I am at home reading when the doorbell rings. Recently, I’ve had a lot of religious people coming by. I’ve tried a number of different ways, but this response takes the cake.)

Religious Person: “Hello! Have you thought about joining [Church]?”

Me: “Sorry, I’m Pagan.”

Religious Person: “We can work with that!”

(It is the Saturday before Easter. I work in a flooring store at the front desk reception. After a busy day, we are closing the showroom and the president of the company is leaving. As he is walking out the door, he is waving goodbye.)

Me: “Bye! Have a happy Easter!”

Boss: *smiles and laughs while he waves out the door*

(I was a little puzzled by his reaction, but then I remembered… my boss is Jewish. I had just wished my JEWISH boss a HAPPY EASTER! I laid my head on my desk, utterly mortified by what I had just done.)

I work in a small call centre with my friend. One of the shows we are selling today is an Easter play depicting the Crucifixion of Jesus. A few minutes ago, [Friend] got a call from a woman who asked us if the crucifixion being depicted was a person really being crucified, as opposed to an actor pretending to be crucified. [Friend] explained that it was just an actor and the woman was apparently disappointed.

The woman had a Filipina accent; people who are especially religious in the Philippines actually crucify themselves there each year. It’s only for a few minutes, mind you, but it is a real crucifixion. Apparently, she was hoping to see the same thing here in Canada.

This story is part of the Easter roundup!

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This story is included in our Philippines roundup – part of the Not Always Right World Tour!

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