I Pray For You… To Respect My Wishes

(I always have some sort of health issue, which often comes with pain. It’s no big deal by now, but new friends tend to overreact about it. I usually appreciate the concern.)

Friend: “I’ll pray for you to get better!”

Me: “Please don’t! It’s against my religion.”

Friend: “What kind of religion is against prayer?”

Me: *already dreading where this is going* “Mine. So please don’t.”

Friend: “But I want to.”

Me: “But I don’t want you to.”

Friend: “But prayer isn’t bad! I’m sending you good vibes. I’ll pray for you, anyway.”

Me: *sighs* “Look. I asked you not to, so your prayer would turn into a negative energy curse. It would do the opposite of what you want and make me sicker. Please don’t do it.”

Quickly-Becoming-Ex-Friend: “That’s absurd! How could my prayer turn into a curse?!”

Me: *losing temper* “How could it not?! Is this prayer for me or for you?! I asked you not to pray. I made a simple request. Honor it, or get out.”

Ex-Friend: “Fine!” *muttering* “I’ll pray for you anyway, a**hole.” *louder* “Because I’m a nice person!” *leaves*

(I spent the weekend in pain.)