Just Another Day At Work

, , , , , | Right | July 29, 2008

(It is Halloween; I am wearing clown makeup, a bright pink wig, and a bright orange shirt with our store’s logo on it in a HUGE font. A woman with a Bible in one hand and a cross in another comes up to me.)

Woman: “Do you work here?”

Me: “…yes.”

Woman: “YOU WILL ALL BURN IN HELL FOR SELLING THESE ITEMS CELEBRATING SATAN’S HOLIDAY!” *turns to customers* “…AND YOU WILL BURN FOR SUPPORTING THEM!”

Manager: *over loudspeaker* “Thank you for shopping at [Store]! All items are now 6.66% off for the next 6 minutes, 66 seconds. Thank you, and have a nice day!”


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Jesus, The Only MasterCard You’ll Ever Need

, , | Right | July 12, 2008

Me: “Thanks for calling Credit Card Services, how may I help you today?”

Cardmember: “Yeah, I was just looking over my statement and see I was charged a late fee. Why?”

Me: “Well, when we receive a payment past the due date, a late fee is normally assessed to the account. Do you have any idea why we received the payment late?”

Cardmember: “I was on vacation and didn’t send it in until the 12th.”

Me: “Well, the payment was¬†due on the 8th and there is usually at least seven days between customers sending in their payment until we can receive and process them.”

Cardmember: “Well, can you waive that fee for me?”

Me: “Unfortunately, since the fee was billed appropriately, there isn’t any way that it can be removed.”

Cardmember: “Have you accepted Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior?”

Me: “How is that in any way relevant to this conversation?”

Cardmember: “Jesus would waive my fee!”

Me: “Jesus wouldn’t own a bank.”

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Buuuurn

, , , | Right | June 30, 2008

(A man shoves himself to the front of a long line of people.)

Me: “Sir, I’m afraid you’re going to have to go to the back of the line.”

Customer: “NO! I’m the Messiah!”

Me: “Wow. The Jews are in for a BIG disappointment.”

(He stood there for a second and shuffled to the back of the line.)

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One Loses His Allowance, The Other His Immortal Soul

, , , , | Right | June 22, 2008

(I am in high school working at a dollar store. It’s a small town so Sundays are usually busy after church services. This man, his wife, and his young son are in line.)

Me: “That will be $25.30.”

Customer: “I’ve only got $15… We gave $20 at the offering today. You think you could give me a break?”

Customer’s Young Son: *innocently* “We didn’t give any money at church today.”

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Armageddon Shopping List: Holy Water, Crucifix, Tic Tac

, , , , | Right | June 18, 2008

(I am working at the express lane one Sunday morning, and this family comes in. Keep in mind that they look like something straight out of the Beverly Hillbillies. They purchase a few things, and their total comes up to $6.66.)

Customer: *looks at total in horror and points to son* “Quick, get some candy, gum, anything!”

(His son then proceeds to throw a box of Tic Tacs at me.)

Customer: “I will not have the Devil’s number as my total!”

Me: “Thank you, sir. Have a nice day!”


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