(A customer walks in with a bra that she wants to return. She ordered it from our website, and found out it was the wrong size when it arrived. She wants to exchange it for a different size. Previously, we were able to do exchanges in one transaction, meaning the credit for the returned item would go toward the new item. Recently, corporate changed some of our return policies, and one of them was that returns and purchases have to be done on separate transactions for loss prevention reasons.)

Me: “Okay. Just so you know, our return policy has changed, so we’re going to have to do two separate transactions today. First, I’ll give you your money back for the bra that doesn’t fit. It’ll be credited right back to the card you bought it with. Then, in the next transaction, I’ll ring up the new bra, and you’ll just pay the same amount that you paid for the returned bra.”

Customer: “No problem. Sounds good.”

(I process the return. When I ask her to hit “yes” on the PIN-pad to confirm that the amount she’s getting back is correct, she shakes her head and picks up the new bra.)

Customer: “No, this isn’t right. Did you forget that I wanted to buy this one?”

Me: “Well, like I said, we recently had some changes made to our return policy, so we have to do exchanges on two separate transactions. We give you your money back in one transaction, and then the new purchase in another transaction. I just gave you your money back for the bra that didn’t fit. Now, I can ring up your new bra, and you’ll pay exactly what you paid for the old one. It’s still an even exchange. Corporate just decided to add a step.”

Customer: *still visibly confused* “All right, if you say so.”

(I ring up the new bra and adjust the price so it’s the same as what she paid for the bra she just returned.)

Me: “That’ll be [price].”

Customer: “I don’t understand. You told me this would be an even exchange. Why am I being charged for this bra when I just returned the exact same one?”

Me: “I just gave you back your money for the first bra. The money you paid for it was refunded right back to your card. Even though it looks like you’re paying [price] for this bra, we’re only asking you to pay the exact amount you were just refunded.”

Customer: “So, you’re saying I don’t get my money back?”

(The customer’s friend, who came in with her and was looking around the boutique while I processed the exchange, overhears and tries to intervene on her behalf.)

Friend: “She already bought this bra. She just wants to swap it out for a different size. Why are you making her pay for it twice?”

Me: *ignoring the friend* “Corporate changed the rules, and we have to do exchanges on two separate transactions. Before, we could just give you back your money and ring up your new purchases in the same step. We can’t do that anymore. We have do returns and purchases in two separate steps. It can be confusing at first.”

Customer: “Yes, it’s very confusing. I just want my money back.”

Me: *pointing to her return receipt* “I just put the amount you paid for the bra that didn’t fit back onto the card you used to pay for it. The bra you’re replacing it with is the exact same price. In the end, your credit card balance will not change. Do you still want to purchase this bra?”

Customer: “Well, I guess I have to. I need a bra. You’re sure my credit card balance will be the same?”

Me: “Yes. It can take up to 48 hours for your refund to go through. If, two days from now, you check your credit card balance and you haven’t gotten your [refund amount] back, please call the customer service number at the bottom of your receipt and we can get it sorted out. But I can’t think of any reason why it wouldn’t go through.”

(The customer, clearly not satisfied with my explanation, thanked me and walked away. Her friend was loudly complaining about how we “made her buy the same bra twice,” and “wouldn’t give her her money back.” Later that week, a different lady came in with a return, which I processed. When we were done, she said she wanted to look around. She ended up buying some things, and after I was done ringing her items, she insisted that her total shouldn’t be so much because she wanted her refund credited toward her new purchase. Do people seriously not understand how credit cards work?)

Related:
This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 79
This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 78
This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 77

This story is part of the Customers-Causing-Recessions roundup!

Read the next Customers-Causing-Recessions roundup story!

Read the Customers-Causing-Recessions roundup!

(I end up having dinner with an acquaintance — not the nicest of human beings — every few weeks, for convoluted social reasons. Thursday night, we are at a popular fast food restaurant, but due to the time of day we have the place to ourselves.)

Cashier: *to acquaintance* “Your total is $5.29, ma’am.”

Acquaintance: “Shoot, I only have a $5 bill. Can’t you just take that and tell the register you got all the money?”

(The cashier and I are speechless.)

Acquaintance: *in a wheedling tone* “Come on. It’s only $0.29! What difference does it make?”

Me: *recovering* “[Acquaintance], come on. If she did that kind of thing, she’d lose her job!”

Acquaintance: *pouting* “Fine, I’ll use my debit card.”

(The next week, on Wednesday night, we’re at the same restaurant, it is super quiet, and the same cashier has just finished ringing my acquaintance up. From the order counter, we can see the two other employees sitting and doing paperwork.)

Cashier: *to acquaintance* “Your total is $5.29, ma’am.”

Acquaintance: “Oops! All I have is a five. That’s close enough, right?”

Employee: *in back, in what was obviously meant to be a whisper but carries clearly to the counter* “What is wrong with people? That’s the second time in a week someone’s tried that scam!”

Acquaintance: “Um, put it on my debit card, I guess…”

(I go to the ER one night for suspected appendicitis. The nurse orders a blood draw and urine sample.)

Nurse: “We’ll run your blood to see if anything is unusual, run a pregnancy test on your urine, and then go from there.”

Me: “No need. There’s no chance that I’m pregnant.”

Nurse: “We have to make sure.”

Me: “I’m sure. If you look at my intake, you’ll see that I had a complete hysterectomy six years ago. I also haven’t had sex with a penis in four years. If by some dark magic I’m pregnant, I’ve got bigger things to worry about than my appendix.”

(The nurse didn’t care, and the doctor ordered a pregnancy test, anyway. Lo and behold, it was negative.)

(I am wearing black slacks, high heels, and a grey polo with a logo from the car dealership I work for. The staff in the hardware store wear jeans and bright orange aprons. I am in the garden section, and I ask an employee if they have any succulents left because it’s late in the season. She goes off to check, and about two minutes later an older man stops about fifteen feet away and raises his voice so I can hear him.)

Customer: “Hey! Hey, you! Where are the hose nozzles?”

Me: “Um, I don’t work here.”

Customer: “You don’t?!”

Me: “Nope!” *points to logo on my shirt* “I work for [Dealership].

Customer: “So, you don’t know where the hose nozzles are.”

(I raise an eyebrow and shake my head, and he walks away a little pissed off. Soon the actual store employee returns and points me in the right direction; she even opens their brand new shipment so I can get fresh ones! As I am picking through the succulents and putting them in my cart, ANOTHER customer walks over to me. I am currently bending over to get a closer look at some plants on the lower rows, and this middle-aged man bends over next to me.)

Customer: “I have a chainsaw, and I need some new chains, but I need a very specific—”

Me: “I don’t mean to be rude and cut you off, sir, but I don’t work here.”

(The customer leans back and looks at me like I’m crazy.)

Customer: “You don’t work here? Are you sure?”

Me: *points to logo on shirt* “Yeah, pretty sure I don’t.”

Customer: “Can you show me, anyway?”

Me: “I honestly wouldn’t know the first place to look, and quite frankly, I’m not going over to the chainsaws with a man I don’t know.” *laughs*

(The guy suddenly gets angry. I think he is getting angry over my joke, but it turns out he is pissed I don’t know where the chainsaw chains are.)

Customer: “Well, thanks for absolutely nothing. Thank God I own a [Different Model than the one I work for].”

(He turns and literally stomps away. I yell after him.)

Me: “Maybe you should try looking for someone actually wearing a orange apron? They’re super helpful!”

(He flipped me off as he turned the corner. Thank goodness he doesn’t own a [Company Model]!)

(I work in a service department for an extremely busy dealership, and I am the ONLY woman in the entire department. We have a business office staff of ladies that filter all calls for the dealer. I get at least one call a week similar to this, but this conversation was particularly rude and has stuck with me.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Dealership] service department.”

Customer: “Are you f****** kidding me?! I just talked to you! I told you to transfer me to service!”

Me: “I think you spoke with one of the young ladies in our business office. I definitely haven’t spoken to you until just now.”

Customer: “But I asked for service and she transferred me to you!”

Me: “Seeing as how I work in service, I believe she transferred you to the right place!”

(I’m keeping my voice friendly because calls like this happen all the time. However, what this customer says next is one for the books.)

Customer: “You… work in service?”

Me: *extra friendly* “Yep!”

(The man on the phone actually starts laughing.)

Customer: “Yeah, okay, sweetheart. Transfer me to one of the service men.”

(Oh, no, he didn’t.)

Me: “About that… They are actually all currently on the phone helping other customers, and it might be a while. Is there anything I can do for you?”

Customer: “I highly doubt that, babe. I’ll wait.”

(Truth be told, there is no wait to speak to a service advisor. I let the guy stay on hold for about ten minutes before I pick it up again. I am careful to keep my voice polite and bubbly, because I am actually pretty pissed off about the way this customer has been addressing me.)

Me: “Still waiting to speak with a service man, correct? I do apologize about the wait; they’re taking longer than expected. Are you sure there isn’t anything I can help you with?”

Customer: “I already told you that I want to speak with a man. How much longer?”

Me: “Shouldn’t be too much longer; I’ll transfer you as soon as the next advisor becomes available.”

(I put the customer on hold for another eight minutes before I pick up the phone again.)

Me: “I am so sorry, sir. I still don’t have a service man available. Would you like me to take a message and have someone call you back?”

Customer: “This is bulls***! All I want to do is make an appointment for an oil change!”

Me: “Oh, my, you should have said something sooner, sir. Our service department doesn’t make appointments for oil changes.”

Customer: “What?!”

Me: “I’m sorry if the line is breaking up, sir. I said, ‘We don’t make appointments for oil changes.’ They’re walk-in only.”

Customer: “I WAITED OVER HALF AN HOUR TO MAKE AN APPOINTMENT, AND YOU’RE TELLING ME I CAN’T MAKE ONE?!”

Me: “That is correct.”

Customer: “WHY DIDN’T YOU SAY SOMETHING EARLIER?!”

Me: “If I recall correctly, sir, you specifically said you only wanted to speak with a man, and I did ask if there was anything I could help you with.”

Customer: “I’ll be at your dealership in fifteen minutes, AND I DON’T WANT TO F****** WAIT!”

(The customer hung up, and I went up front and told the service advisors what happened. They put a note in the computer, and they made the customer wait three hours for an oil change. Sexism doesn’t fly in our department.)