This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 30

Call Center, Sarcasm | Right | May 20, 2014

(I work for a cable services call center where sometimes customers call in thinking they’re talking to their local cable store.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Company]. My name is [My Name]. How may I help you?”

Customer: “I want my credit card back right now!”

Me: *confused* “I… I’m sorry ma’am. What do you mean?”

Customer: “You heard me! I gave you guys my credit card a week ago. I want it back right now or else I’m going to call the police!”

Me: *still confused* “I’m terribly sorry, ma’am. I have absolutely no idea what you’re talking about. Could you please explain your situation to me so that I can better assist you?”

(The customer goes on to explain this really bizarre story where she was walking to her local cable store to make a payment, but they were closed by the time she got there. She tore off the bottom portion of her billing statement, the part that you detach and mail along with a check payment, and put that in an envelope along with her credit card and a note that read, “please process payment and mail to forwarding address.” She then dropped that envelope into the drop box near the cable store entrance. This woman actually assumed someone at the store would process her payment and mail her credit card back to her, which didn’t happen. I am sitting in my chair silently dumbfounded for at least 10 seconds at the sheer stupidity of this customer.)

Customer: “Hello? Are you there, sir?”

Me: “Yes, ma’am. I apologize for the long pause. I’m sorry but you are actually speaking to the call center and not the store. Have you spoken to your bank yet regarding the issue?”

Customer: “No! Because you guys have my credit card and I want it back!! Are you going to make me drive all the way to the store just to get my card back?”

Me: “That’s actually unnecessary as they might not be able to help you anyway. For one thing, there’s a strong possibility your card has been stolen, and—”

Customer: “What the f***! What am I suppose to do now?”

Me: “The first thing you want to do is contact your bank to let them know your card has been stolen.”

Customer: *in a sarcastic tone* “And why should I have to do your dirty work?”

Me: *in a similar sarcastic tone* “Because we’re not the ones who put a credit card into a drop box intended for check payments only.”

Customer: “Well, smarta**, how was I suppose to make my payment, then?”

Me: “Ma’am, you do realize that you could’ve make your payment over the phone, right?”

Customer: “Pfft, you expect me to trust one of your reps with my credit card information?”

Me: “Considering you dropped your credit card into a drop box blindly trusting one of the store employees to return it back to you… YES!”

Customer: “This is f***** ridiculous! Transfer me to the department that will cancel my service. I don’t want to do business with crooks!”

Me: “Sure. One moment, please.”

(I transferred the lady to the retention department where I explained to the rep the bizarre story. We had a good laugh at the woman’s expense. I would later receive an e-mail from the same rep stating the notations I left behind were e-mailed to everyone in her department and mine. Everyone was in agreement that I had the craziest customer service story in the entire company.)

This story is part of the Customers-Causing-Recessions roundup!