Caller: “I can’t access [Cable Channel]!”

Me: “Okay, let me assess your problem. When was the last time you tried to access [Channel]?”

Caller: “It was last night.”

Me: “All right, was there any out-of-the-ordinary weather last night? Say, like a storm?”

Caller: “Yeah, there was a thunderstorm. I had nothing to do, so I was trying to watch [Channel], but it wouldn’t let me! It was all fuzzy on the screen.”

Me: “Sir, I think the thunderstorm interfered with your television power lines, which is why you couldn’t access your channel.”

Caller: “But I thought your cable company was supposed to make me able to watch any channel in any weather! That’s the whole reason I switched!”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, nothing can prevent Mother Nature. When she strikes, we cannot do anything to bring back channels that may have been lost momentarily.”

Caller: “Who’s ‘Mother Nature’? Is she the one sabotaging my TV?!”

This story is part of our Customers Versus Mother Nature roundup!

Read the next Mother Nature roundup story!

Read the Mother Nature roundup!

(A woman and her two younger children go in to see a kid-friendly movie. Ten minutes later, the woman comes up to me.)

Customer: “Excuse me, but there is a preview on right now with a man on fire!”

Me: “A man on fire? Okay, that shouldn’t be the right preview.”

Customer: “This is ridiculous. I have kids in there!”

(I check the theater.)

Me: “Ma’am, this is a preview for Fantastic Four. The man on fire is a superhero. His special ability is that he can turn into a fireball and fly around.”

Customer: “I don’t care who it is; he shouldn’t be on fire!”

This story is part of the Overprotective Parents roundup!

Read the next Overprotective Parents Roundup story!

Read the Overprotective Parents roundup!

(There are two teenage males in line, one at the register being helped, and the other standing behind him. They seem to be friends, but are standing in line as though they are ordering separately. As there is only one register, I decide to get started on preparing the second guy’s order.)

Me: “Hey, are you guys together or separate?”

First guy: “Oh, we’re together. Oh wait!” *shocked look* “Did you mean like, ‘together together’, or if we’re just buying together?”

Me: “I don’t follow.”

Second Guy: “Are you asking if we’re dating?”

Me: “Whichever one will make me make your food faster, I guess?”

Customer: “I had a question about this one movie.”

Me: “Okay, what’s up?”

Customer: “How blurry is it?”

(I am surprised for a moment, but then I think maybe she is referring to movies in 3D; sometimes those look a little blurry.)

Me: “Pardon?”

Customer: “Well, it says here that it is blurry and if it’s too bad I do not want to rent it.”

Me: “Oh, let me see it.”

Customer: “Do you have any other copies?”

Me: “Ma’am, this copy isn’t blurry. It is in Blu-Ray, the new format designed to replace DVD movies.”

Customer: “Oh, all right.”

Me: “Do you have a Blu-Ray player?”

Customer: “What is that?”

Me: “I’ll just grab a DVD copy of the movie for you.”

This story is part of the Movie Rental roundup!

Read the next Movie Rental roundup story!

Read the Movie Rental roundup!

This story is part of our 3D Movies roundup!

Read the next 3D Movies roundup story!

Read the 3D Movies roundup!

Customer: “Wow, I haven’t been to this theater since that movie Sex in the Time of Gonorrhea!”

Me: “Um, what?”

Customer: “Oops! I mean Love! Love in the Time of Gonorrhea“.

Customer’s Friend: “I think you mean Love in the Time of Cholera.”

Customer: “Isn’t that what I said?”

This story is part of our Tongue-Tied-Customers roundup!

Read the next Tongue-Tied-Customers roundup story!

Read the Tongue-Tied-Customers roundup!