Kill The Bill, Double The Trouble

, , , , , | Right | January 20, 2010

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but we cannot accept $50 bills. It’s against our security policy.”

Customer: “When the h*** did this happen?”

Me: “Two years ago, ma’am.”

Customer: “I was in here last week and paid with a $100 bill.”

Me: “Ma’am, our register wouldn’t allow us to enter $100 bills. Do you happen to have a credit card?”

Customer: “What’s your name! I want to speak with your manager!”

Manager: “What’s the problem?”

Customer: “Your staff is lying by telling me he cannot accept a $50 bill. I was in here last week and paid with a $100 bill!”

Manager: “I was on register all last week, ma’am, and I would have told you the same thing. It’s against our policy to accept bills $50 or larger.”

Customer: “FINE!” *rips the bill in half* “HOW ABOUT NOW?”

 

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Stupidity You Can Bank On

, , | Right | January 12, 2010

Me: “Hello, this is [Bank] how can I help you?”

Customer: “Yeah, I deposited money through your ATM machine yesterday and it still isn’t showing up in my account.”

Me: “Okay, sir, can I just get the card number from the ATM card that you used to make the deposit.”

Customer: “I didn’t use a card.”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, I might have misunderstood. Did you make your deposit into the ATM or the night drop box?”

Customer: “No, I put it into your machine but I didn’t use a card. I didn’t need one.”

Me: “Sir, I still don’t understand how you could have made your deposit into the ATM without using a card. Could you please describe the steps you went through?”

Customer: “I drove up to the machine, filled out an envelope and stuffed it into the little door that said deposit but I didn’t use no card.”

Me: “Sir, the deposit door on the machine will not open without a card. How exactly did you put the envelope in?”

Customer: “Whoever designed those machines is a freaking moron. I couldn’t figure out how to open the little door so I got my pocket knife out and pried the door open. Then I stuffed the envelope with my deposit in there as best I could and drove away!”

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Bus(ted)

, , | Right | January 11, 2010

(A woman enters the bus with her son.)

Me: “Excuse me, ma’am. Your son didn’t pay the fare.”

Customer: “But children are free!”

Me: “No, ma’am. Children’s fare is currently at seventy-five cents.”

Customer: “Well, I’m not paying that! It’s free!”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but you’ve been misinformed. Children still have to pay a fare to ride the bus.”

Customer: “No they don’t! You’re just trying to scam me!”

Me: “The farebox is locked, and is only accessed at the end of my shift, when I’m long gone.”

Customer: *pointing to the farebox* “You’re lying! This thing opens right up!”

Me: “If you can open it, your son can ride free.”

(The customer proceeds to struggle with the box for some minutes.)

Customer: “Seventy-five cents, you said?”

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Charitable Mis-Trust

, , , | Right | December 16, 2009

Me: “Hello, this is [My Name] calling on behalf of the [charitable organization]. Am I speaking with Mrs. [Customer]?”

Customer: “Yes, what’s this about?”

Me: “Well, I’m calling because you pledged a $100 donation to the [charitable organization] but unfortunately, the donation was never received. Would you like me to send you a return envelope?”

Customer: “I never pledged $100. Are you sure you have the right name?”

Me: “Well, maybe the donation was made by your husband. It will take me a few moments to get to that screen on my computer and then we can get this all straightened out.”

Customer: “No, my husband would’ve told me if he’d pledged money. I really think you have the wrong number.”

Me: “According to our records the pledge was made under the name ‘Ryan’. Is that your husband?”

Customer: “No. That’s my nine-year-old son.”

Me: “Oh… I’m so sorry ma’am, that pledge should not have gone through the system. I can cancel it for you if you’d like. I really do apologize.”

Customer: “No! Don’t cancel it. If he promised you $100, then by God, he’s going to have to find a way to pay you that $100!”

Me: “Ma’am, really, that’s not necessary. Our reps should have verified his age before accepting a donation from him. Really, it’s no trouble at all for me to cancel it for you.”

Customer: “Well, I’m not very happy with my son right now, and I know a nine-year-old boy who’s really not going to be happy when he gets home from school. At least someone should get something out of this! Thank you for bringing this to my attention…”

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Take Note Of Change

, , | Right | December 7, 2009

(A customer is having problems at the self-checkout lane.)

Customer: “Excuse me, the machine isn’t taking my dollar.”

Me: “Miss, there’s a quarter sticking out of the bill slot.”

Customer: “Yes, there’s two dimes and a nickel in there too!”

Me: “You didn’t think to use the coin slot for those?”

Customer: “The what?”

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