When You’re A Brand W**re, Every Cent Counts

, | | Right | June 7, 2008

Me: “Okay, that’ll be $2.00.”

Customer: *shocked* “What? The sign said $1.85! How can it be $2.00?”

Me: “Yeah, $1.85 plus 15 cents for tax.”

Customer: *sighs loudly and opens up her Chanel bag to take two dollars out of her Gucci wallet*

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I Personally Prefer Poultry With My PCs

, , , , | | Right | June 7, 2008

(I overhear a fellow salesperson’s sale. He is with a customer but another customer interrupts.)

Customer: “I want to make you an offer on this laptop. I give you $650.”

Coworker: “Sorry, sir, the price is $749.”

Customer: *looks at his wife and nods* “I give you $650 plus three chickens!”

Coworker: *fighting back a smile* “Sorry, the price is $749.”

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Spending Your Way Out Of Debt

, , , | | Right | May 28, 2008

Me: “Thank you for calling. How can I help you?”

Customer: “Hi there. I got these promotional cheques at 3.9% for my Visa card. I was wondering if I can pay my Visa bill with them.”

Me: “No, miss, the funds will be coming out of your Visa account. Therefore, you can’t pay the Visa with the same Visa account.”

Customer: “Why? I don’t see why not…”

Me: “Because the funds will be coming out of your Visa account. It doesn’t make it a lesser balance, it makes it a higher balance. Therefore, you can’t pay your Visa with the same Visa.”

Customer: “I think this is stupid. I should be able to do whatever I want with my cheques.”

Me: “Do you write yourself cheques with your bank account to yourself, and not have to pay for it?”

Customer: “Well, no… that’s just silly.”

Me: “Do you see how it works, then?”

Customer: “Yeah, I guess. But I should still be able to do it!”

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Touché, Part Deux

, , , | | Right | May 16, 2008

Me: “Thank you for calling. How can I help you?”

Customer: “I want to know why I received a late fee on my statement?”

Me: “Let me check for you… I do apologize, sir. Your payment was received 15 days after the due date, which caused the fee.”

Customer: “I see. Can you remove it?”

Me: “Unfortunately, no. You have had three removed this year already. This fee will not be removed.”

Customer: “What do you mean you won’t remove the f****** fee?! I always pay on time!”

Me: “…”

Customer: “What, are you stupid? Your god-d*** mother not educate you? Are you some kind of bank Nazi? Remove my fee!”

Me: “As I stated, this fee is valid and will not be removed.”

(This went on for about four to five minutes, his requests heavily sprinkled with profanity and insults.)

Customer: “Fine, you know what? You can take this g0d-d*** mo****-f****** Visa card and shove it up your god-d*** mo****-fu***** a**!”

Me: “Sorry, sir. My a** only accepts American Express.” *click*

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File>Open>Yard, Highlight Grass, Ctrl-X

, , , | | Right | May 14, 2008

Me: “Thank you for calling tech support. This is [My Name]. How may I help you?”

Customer: “Come mow my lawn!”

Me: “Excuse me, ma’am?”

Customer: “I said, come mow my lawn!”

Me: “I’m sorry, this is tech support. Are you having trouble with your cable TV or Internet?”

Customer: “I know who this is! I want you to mow my lawn! In the rain! I pay y’all enough every month, so you better come mow it!” *click*

Me: “…”

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