Not Any Time Soon, Buddy

This conversation occurred after receiving a retainer check that was $1,000 short of the agreed-upon amount and had a post-it note stuck to it informing me that they had decided to pay me in cash.

Client: “We decided to pay you in cash, which means that we can have a 20% to 30% discount on your services.”

Me: “How so?”

Client: “Well, since you won’t report the income, that will save you money. We figure that you’re in a 30% tax bracket, so we can certainly reduce your fee by that amount as you would be making more money.”

Me: “That’s not how it works.”

Client: “Oh, yes, it is.”

Me: “Um, I am not in the practice of giving cash discounts. Plus, you just sent me a check.”

Client: “You mean you won’t do this?”

Me: “No.”

Client: “So, you’re trying to rip me off?”

Me: “You were the one who decided to pay cash and decided that you were getting the discount.”

Client: *Yelling* “Okay, fine! Forget we ever had this conversation!” *Hangs up on me*