(I teach swim lessons but my shift hasn’t started yet so I am in normal clothes and standing behind the front desk.)
Me: “Hey, guys, go ahead and get in. I’ll be in to teach in a few minutes.”
Mother: “Who are you?”
Me: “Miss, your son’s swim teacher. For the past two years.”
Mother: “Oh! I didn’t recognize you with clothes on!”
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Customer: “Can you help me find the book for my class?”
Me: “Sure. Do you have your course schedule?”
Customer: “Uh, no. Why?”
Me: “They tell me what books are needed for each class.”
Customer: “Cool.”
Me: “So, I need to know what class you’re taking.”
Customer: *blank stare*
Me: “English, math, physics, biology? If you can tell me what the course is, we might be able to find it that way.”
Customer: “Sorry, dude. I’m new to this whole college thing.”
Me: “How about your professor’s name? We’ve got quite a few professors that only teach one class.”
Customer: “My class is at night. Wednesdays, I think. And my teacher is a lady, with a limp.”
Me: *Looking at a course card.* “I found it! Wednesday nights, with the lady who limps.”
Customer: “Bro, you’re a lifesaver.”
Me: “I was kidding.”
Customer: “So, that’s not my book, then?”
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(A customer looks like he is in a huge hurry. After five minutes of looking at the menu, he orders a grilled sandwich.)
Me: “It will take a little longer for the grilling.”
Customer: “I only have five minutes.”
Me: “Well, I suggest you not get it grilled because it will take about eight minutes.”
Customer: “I want it grilled and I want it in five minutes!”
(After five minutes of the customer pacing up and down, he comes up to the counter.)
Customer: “I need the sandwich now!”
Me: “Okay, it’s being wrapped up for you sir.”
Customer: “I am a heart surgeon, and I have a critical patient that I’m supposed to be operating on right now! I was supposed to be there a half-hour ago!”
(I give him his sandwich and he hurries out the door. Five minutes later, he rushes back through the door.)
Customer: “I need extra Russian dressing!”
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(I work at a grocery store where our policy is to take a customer to the aisle of the item they are looking for instead of just telling them the aisle number.)
Customer: “Um, excuse me! Where do you keep your cinnamon?”
Me: “It’s in the baking aisle. If you follow me, I can take you over to the right aisle.”
Customer: “No. Can’t you just tell me where it is? I’m sick of you people. All I want to do is buy my groceries and you all keep saying hello to me and smiling at me! Where’s the d*** aisle?”
Me: “Well, ma’am, cinnamon is located in aisle eight.”
Customer: “I want to speak to your manager. You people are too f****** cheerful. I can’t stand it!”
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Me: “Thank you for calling. How can I help you?”
Customer: “You charged my credit card forty-five dollars. Can I get a refund?”
(I pull up his account.)
Me: “Okay. I see that you rented two movies that were never returned and you were charged the sale price of the movies.”
Customer: “Well, I was on vacation and I forgot to return them on time.”
Me: “Let me go check the shelves for them; it’s possible that they didn’t get checked in properly. If I find them I can put a credit on your account that you can use whenever you’re in the store next.”
Customer: “I didn’t return them.”
(It’s been over two months since the movies were originally due.)
Me: “You didn’t return them?”
Customer: “Nope.”
Me: “Sir, you would like me to pay you for renting movies and never bringing them back?”
Customer: “Uh-huh.”
Me: “I’m not going to do that.”
Customer: “Okay… I just thought I’d ask.”
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