Customer: “Hi, can you help me find invisible wire?”
Me: “Oh, fish wire?”
Customer: “Yes, invisible wire.”
Me: “Yup, that’s right over here.”
(I take the customer over, pull one off the hook, and hand it to him.)
Customer: “Is this a joke?!”
Me: “Um…”
Customer: “This isn’t invisible wire! I can see it!”
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(A customer walks up to me for assistance while I’m in aisle 14 of the grocery store.)
Me: “Ma’am, what can I help you with today?”
Customer: “I need to find bread crumbs.”
Me: “Okay, there are some on aisle 7 and also some in the bakery. Would you like me to show you?”
Customer: “No, I’ll go find it. Is aisle 7 above or below aisle 14? I’m not real good at math.”
Me: “Ma’am, I better show you where it is…”
(I had a job on a boat, taking tourists out to sea so they could take really nice pictures of the midnight sun. One day, one of the tourists came up to me.)
Me: “What do you think of the midnight sun?”
Tourist: “Yeah, it’s really nice, but tell me one thing. On the map of our solar system, where is the midnight sun located?”
Me: “Er… the sun?”
Tourist: “No! I know where the sun is, but where is the midnight sun?”
Me: “The midnight sun and the sun are exactly the same, but when you are as far north as you are now, and since it’s summer, the sun never sets.”
Tourist: “WHAT THE F***?! I’m gonna sue your sorry a** for false advertisement! I didn’t come all the way from the US to watch the sun I have back home! *storms away*
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Customer: “I have a coupon here that says 25% off. What does that mean?”
Me: “It means you get 25% off.”
Customer: “Huh?”
Me: “You will get 25% off your total price.”
Customer: “I don’t understand. Why does it say that?”
Me: “It’s a discount. They’ll give you a cheaper price.”
Customer: “Huh? This coupon doesn’t make sense.”
Me: “When you give your coupon to the attendant, they’ll take 25% off your ticket price.”
Customer: “I don’t have a coupon.”
Me: “…”
(A customer is looking at light-powered watches.)
Me: “It needs to be charged with eight hours of direct sunlight or lamplight before it will keep time.”
Customer: “Does it have to be Australian sunlight, or can I take it to England and use it there?”
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