This Guy Runs On Dad Jokes

, , , | Right | November 6, 2019

(My coworker answers a customer phone call early one morning.)

Customer: “How do your buses run tomorrow morning?”

Coworker: “They run on diesel fuel, ma’am.”

(I had to stifle my laugh, and so did the customer.)

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Unfiltered Story #168448

, | Unfiltered | September 29, 2019

(I am working at a Video Game Store where we sell not only video games, but accessories for them as well. A young man comes up holding a Ness Amiibo)

Me: Hello, how are you today?

Customer: I’m fine, just this please.

Me: Ah, nice one. You a fan of Earthbound?

Customer: Yeah, but I’m not actually gonna use it.

Me: Oh? Then what are you gonna do with it?

Customer: Well, as you know, not too long ago, Satoru Iwata passed away… you knew that, right?

(As I heard this, I felt sad. Yes, I heard about it, and it shocked me to no end)

Me: …Yes.

Customer: Well, I’m taking this to Japan and leaving it on his grave, as a tribute to him, and as a thank you, for being such an amazing man. I know of Earthbound, how he reworked the entire code from scratch and saved it.

(I was shocked to hear that, but I felt happy and tears started forming in my eyes)

Me: That… that’s so nice of you.

Customer: I know. And I hope that he can feel it, up there in Heaven.

(I rung up the Amiibo, and he left happily. if you are reading this, thank you for restoring my faith in humanity.)

Unfiltered Story #159103

, | Unfiltered | July 25, 2019

I work for the reception at an insurance company. I’m alone when this happens. An elderly couple walks in, the husband disoriented wandering away from the counter.

*me*: can I help you?

*wife*: dear, we have to use the machine (goes to the ticket machine, husband following)

a young woman enters, and comes straight to me

*customer #1*: Hi I’m looking for travel claims?

*me*: you’ll have to take a number, I’m afraid. Lets just wait for them to finish and i’ll …

another customer has now entered, and, standing at the back, yells at me

*customer #2*: who can help me, I just had a car accident!

customer #1 has moved to the back of the old couple, who are still trying to figure out the ticket machine, hopelessly.

*me*: you’ll have to take a number, please, with the claims department

she barges in front of the old couple, distracting the husband, so he wanders over to me

*husband*: I have some …questions … about insurance

*customer#2*: what do I press?

*me*: give me just a second, sir (to customer#2) press claims services and then press automobile claims

she takes her number and walks in the wrong direction

*me*: (to customer #2)… and they will call your number over here (I gesture to the opposite end of the lobby. She obeys.)

the wife now approaches me, allowing customer#1 to use the machine. she looks just as baffled by it

*wife*: we need some information about our insurance policy

*me*: give me just a second, (to customer #1) Pick claim services and then travel claims

*customer #1*: ok, thank you

*me*: you will have to take a number for that, please pick customer service, and then press next available

the wife goes to the machine, dictating what she’s doing. The husband still stands over me, mumbling about insurance.

Meanwhile the two other customers have gone, so I assume their numbers have been called, when a rep from car claims comes up to me

*rep*: I got a number, is it them?

*me*: no, they’re going to customer service

I look around and see customer #2, who had his number, sitting at the far side of the office with a rep from property claims

*me*: that’s your customer over there

*rep*: you gotta make sure they take the right number, [name]

*me*: I did, she has your number (to the couple) your number will be called in a second, thank you

*rep*: be more careful next time, please, We’re busy over here (storms off)

*me*: (to myself) and I’m not?

Unfiltered Story #159101

, | Unfiltered | July 25, 2019

*me*: [insurance company], how may I help you?
*caller*: What??
*me*: [insurance company]? [me] speaking
*caller*: (sounding as baffled as I am) I was gonna order some timber, I don’t do that from you, now do I?
*me*: no, ma’am, I guess not
*caller*: I thought it was weird, the lumber yard never picks up the phone as fast as you did
*me*: (unsure how to respond) no, well … thank you
*caller*: well, anyway (hangs up)
odd thing is, she would have to go through nearly a 2 minute answering message, saying that we’re an insurance company before she got to me

, , , | Right | March 28, 2019

(I live and work in Iceland.)

Customer: “Do you have international busses?”

Me: *thinking I misheard* “Sorry, a bus for where?”

Customer: “You know, for Scotland or somewhere outside of Iceland.”

Me: “You realize this is an island? You can’t drive to another country from here.”

Customer: “Not at all? What about busses that drive onto ferries that take you somewhere?”

Me: “It takes a few days to sail to the next country.”

Customer: “…”

Me: “So, no. No, we don’t have those.”

Customer: “Not in the whole country?”

Me: “I mean, we’re just one company. You can try asking at the tourist information, but…” *the customer walks off* “…I highly doubt it.”

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