I recently won a good sum of money on the national lottery. It is just enough to settle my mortgage and car loan and some left over to help out a friend of mine and make a good donation to my favourite charity.

I accidentally let it slip that I won a “small amount” of money at work. The next day in the break room, two guys I don’t really know from another department approach.

Guy #1: “Hey, ain’t you the guy that won the lottery?”

Guy #2: “What are you still doing here?”

Me: “It was only a small amount, really.”

Guy #1: “Yeah, that’s what I would say, as well.”

Guy #2: “How are we celebrating? You got to bring something in.”

Me: “Well, actually, I—”

“I already did bring in a large selection of cakes,” is what I’d say if they would let me finish.

Guy #1: “Bring something in? No, we should go out. You can take us all out.”

Guy #2: “There’s that steak house.”

Guy #1: “Yeah! Our friend here can take us all out for steaks! Great idea.”

Me: “What’s my name?”

Guy #1: “What?”

He smirks at the other guy.

Me: “If we are such great friends, and you are not just a couple of guys who wanted to leech off of me… what’s my name?”

I left both of them dumbstruck trying to answer me. I am more than happy to share good times, but not with a couple of leeches that never acknowledged my existence before.

I am looking for a dress for an event. This is during the global health crisis, so I’m forgiving of delayed shipping times, and it’s also why I order the dress early. I find a dress I really like on a major retail website, but they don’t stock the color I want in my size. I am able to find the same thing at an online boutique that my friend has had a good experience with.

I order the dress, but the first red flag comes up: I get a massive discount, about 75%. I get a confirmation email, my account is charged, and I’m told I’ll receive my order in about a week. It doesn’t come after two and a half weeks, so I email them. No response. I use the chat system on their website. There is no phone number or email address on their website, only their physical address. Their messages are formatted really weirdly, and I’ve typed them out like I got them.

Me: “Hello, I ordered a dress from you on April 30, and I was wondering when it was going to come. I did get an email that confirmed the purchase, but I didn’t get one that said it had been shipped.”

Company: “Hello, could you tell me your order number? Then I will help you check it.”

I send my order number.

Company: “Hello, your dress is ready for shipping. About seven days for shipping. My pleasure to help you.”

All right, cool. I can wait a few more days easily. The event is in July. Three more weeks go by, and it’s now the beginning of June. I haven’t gotten the dress or any emails about it.

Me: “Hello, my name is [My Name]. I ordered a dress for you on April 30. The order number is [number]. I got a purchase confirmation, and three weeks ago I was told it was ready to ship, but I never got an email saying it shipped. I was just wondering when it was going to ship and when it will arrive. I ordered this dress for an event on July 15, and I will need it by then. Thank you so much for your help.”

No response. The next day, I check the major online retailer again, and the dress I originally wanted is back in stock. I put it in my cart and return to the other site.

Me: “I have changed my mind on a purchase I made with you. I have not yet received my merchandise and I would like to know how to proceed on getting a refund.”

Immediately, I get a response.

Company: “Don’t worry.”

Twenty minutes later, I get an email.

Company: “Hello, your order has just been shipped out; tracking number will upload in twenty-four hours.”

Okay, fine. Maybe I’ll get the dress. The week before the event comes and still no dress.

Me: “Good evening, my order number is [number] and I would like to know the status of my order.”

Company: “Hello, we are making your dress.”

So, the dress I ordered months ago and was told had been shipped out is being made right now.

I look up their reviews on the site, but they’re all praising the company for their high-quality dresses for low prices. The only slightly negative review mentions a month for shipping, but that’s it.

I check another review site, and lo and behold, several people complain about never receiving their merchandise. One review even says that their credit card company mailed a claim to the address listed on the site and the address doesn’t exist. Come to find out, the company is based out of China, and they basically just take your money and run. They send products to a handful of customers and pay them to post multiple good reviews under different names. I’m finally fed up with the company and get back on the chat to have this message exchange.

Me: “I was told the dress shipped out a couple of weeks ago, and I still have not received it. I need this dress for an event next week, and I gave you ample time to deliver, even amidst the current health crisis, and you still have not come through.”

Company: “When do you want it?”

Me: “I need it by next Thursday so I’ll have it in time for my event.”

Company: “Can you give us more time? We can give partical refund to you.”

Yes, “partial” was misspelled. This just confirms my suspicions that it’s a scam.

Me: “I would need it by Friday at the latest. I am attending an event that night that I originally ordered the dress for. If you can’t get it to me by then, I need a full refund and I want you to cancel my order.”

I never get a response from the company after that. I email them and send multiple messages on the chat, but they don’t contact me again. I end up having to run to a local store and buy a dress that is nowhere near as nice as I wanted for the event because the one from the major online retailer also did not come in time. I file a complaint with the scam company and request a refund on PayPal, and they email me saying that the company has contacted them with a message for me and that they don’t want to talk to me.

Company: “We’re sorry you didn’t get your product, but we are a company and we cannot deal with this.”

I ended up just letting the $30 go, and I’m grateful my family was okay with me being in a plain white dress instead of an off-white lace dress like I was supposed to be.

A lady comes in with a pair of shoes to return. I’m still pretty new at the job.

Customer: “Hi, I’d like to return these shoes.”

I recognize the box as one of our shoeboxes but she approaches us at the folding table. Nevertheless, I try to help her.

Me: “Okay, was there something wrong with them?”

Customer: “No, I just want a different pair for my son.”

I open the box to see a pair of shoes I’ve never seen before, but they are the style we sell.

Me: “Well, I’m still pretty new here and I’m not 100% sure of our return and exchange policy, so I can’t guarantee that we can exchange these for you.”

Customer: “What?! But I called your corporation on the phone this morning before I came in and they said I could!”

Me: “Oh, well, if they said that you can, then you should have no problem. One of our sales associates in the back can help you get the shoes you want.”

My coworker and I went about our shift as normal, and then one of my managers approached us. She explained our return and exchange policy to us and then told me that the customer tried to tell her that I had practically forbidden her from trying to return the shoes. Luckily, my coworker had seen the whole thing and vouched for me, and my manager knew that I wouldn’t have made any decisions without asking her about it. But apparently, she had tried to get me fired because I was new and didn’t know our exchange policy.

My car is at the mechanic, and I am renting a vehicle from a well-known nationwide business.

Rental Agent: “…and you can also purchase our insurance in case the car is damaged while you’re renting it!”

Me: “No, thank you. I’ll only be driving to and from work, and I don’t anticipate having it longer than three days.”

Rental Agent: “Are you sure?”

Me: “Yes, thanks.”

I drive the rental car for two days — true to my word, only to and from work, not more than forty miles all told — and then get my car back from the mechanic and return the rental car with a full tank of gas. The next day:

Rental Agent: “Hi, I need to know your insurance and your deductible.”

Me: “Why?”

Rental Agent: “Your rental car sustained damage while you had it, and since you didn’t purchase our insurance, you’re liable.”

Me: “Please describe the ‘damage.’”

Rental Agent: “Scratches and mud on the lower door panels.”

Me: “There was mud on the door panels because it rained for the two days I had the car. And I want photographic evidence of the alleged scratches.”

Rental Agent: “Um… the scratches were discovered by our Damage Agents; they are specially trained to notice damages that other people overlook.”

Me: “And how was I able to accrue scratches too small for anyone but your special Damage Agents to notice?”

Rental Agent: “Well, driving on roads…”

Me: “Let me get this straight. You want me to pay for alleged damage I can’t see, after renting me a car so fragile that it incurs damage by driving on roads?”

Rental Agent: “You should have purchased the insurance; then I wouldn’t have to be doing this!”

Me: “Please transfer me to your supervisor.”

I ended up escalating to the regional representative, but the “damage” report was thrown out and I never had to pay a dime. I’m never renting from them again, though.

I have several bicycles that I maintain myself. Sometimes, I will visit my local bike store and ask the mechanics for advice on a problem or which tool to buy. The mechanics are well qualified and very helpful. It is a huge international store which also employs sales staff.

Unfortunately, a pattern develops. I ask to speak to a mechanic, and some of the sales staff tell me they are mechanics. However, they are unable to answer simple questions. It has happened several times, and I am tiring of it.

This time, I walk in carrying a bicycle wheel.

Me: “Hi. If you don’t mind me asking, are you a mechanic?”

Employee #1: “Yes.”

Me: “Great! Can you tell me which tool I need to remove the cassette from this wheel? I don’t think it’s a standard Shimano spline.”

Employee #1: “I’m not sure. Let me check the workshop.”

I follow him to the workshop.

Employee #2: “Let me try this tool… I’m sorry I’m not sure.”

Employee #1: “Do you want to leave it with us and I’ll ask [Head Mechanic] tomorrow?”

Me: “No, thank you. Wait… I asked if you were a mechanic. Which Cytech level do you have?”

Employee #1: “I don’t have one.”

Me: “Then why did you tell me you were a mechanic?”

Employee #1: “Well, basic stuff.”

I leave and return the next day. [Head Mechanic] is working. He is amazing. He can do everything a bike mechanic would ever need to do, including building wheels.

Head Mechanic: “Hey, [My Name]! How’s that bike build coming?”

Me: “Getting there! I need this cassette off, but the cassette remover doesn’t fit.”

Head Mechanic: *Lifting something off a shelf* “That’s a freehub system, but you’re holding a Shimano spline tool. You need one of these. Slide it in and turn anti-clockwise, like this. It’s £12.”

Me: “Thanks. By the way… are the sales staff entitled to call themselves mechanics?”

Head Mechanic: “No. Why?”

Me: “It’s happened a few times. I ask to speak to a mechanic because I have a complicated question. They then tell me they are a mechanic and they get confused by whatever I’m asking.”

Head Mechanic: “Really? We haven’t hired any new mechanics.”

Me: “A few sales assistants seem to think that because they can fix a puncture, they are professional mechanics. It’s also really disrespectful, because you have paid thousands for formal training. Would you tell the manager you have had a complaint?”

Head Mechanic: “Yes, sure. When did it happen?”

Me: “Yesterday. I don’t mind speaking to sales assistants if they stay within their limits. If someone who doesn’t know what they are doing works on a bike, someone could get hurt. All this because people don’t have the guts to say, ‘No, I’m not a mechanic but why don’t you try me and I’ll do my best?’”

I also complained by Facebook private message. [Head Mechanic] still knows the answer to anything I ask. I now ask for a mechanic by name, or I ask if they have completed a course in bike mechanics.