A Mass Of Jerk Particles Just Walked In…

, , , , , | Right | November 2, 2019

(I am working at a bike shop in a college town. I have been working as a mechanic in some capacity for the past seven years; I know my s***. I also happen to be female and quite young-looking. Today, I am working with a guy about my age, explaining the difference between CO2 inflators and mini pumps. He’s been alternating between hitting on me and questioning my knowledge, which I am, unfortunately, used to dealing with.)

Me: “Mini pumps can take quite a while to fully inflate your tire. If your tire goes flat and you want to get going quickly, I would recommend going with a CO2 system. I do have to caution you that tires inflated with CO2 don’t hold pressure forever. When you get home, you’ll have to reinflate the tire with a floor pump. I’m not sure why it does that; I think it has to do with CO2 being more easily compressible than the regular gas composition in air.”

Customer: *scoffs* “No, it’s because CO2 is a linear molecule. If you were in my chemistry classes, you would know that. You should take classes at [University] instead of wasting your life here.”

Me: “You’re right, my chemistry is a little rusty. I didn’t realize that you were a student at the university; I’m actually about to graduate with my PhD in Political Science.”

Customer: “Oh…”

(He had no comeback for that. The transaction finished in embarrassment — from him — and tense — from me — silence. The guy ended up purchasing a mini pump which, by the way, kids, is the wrong decision if you are running your mountain bike tires tubeless.)

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A Vicious Bi-Cycle

, , , , | Working | June 13, 2019

(I’m a regular at my bike repair shop since I bought mine from them about a year ago and it’s had its share of problems. This takes place as I’m bringing it in for scheduled maintenance.)

Employee: “Has he been behaving lately? Any problems, complaints?”

Me: “No, he’s very well behaved. He even plays nice with the other bicycles.”

Employee: “Strange, our bikes are bred to be more aggressive for [Suburb the shop is located in, known for its eccentric population].”

Me: “That’s all right; I don’t live here. I live in [Suburb known as a bit of a ghetto].”

Employee: “Yeah, that’s where our bikes usually end up, one way or the other.”

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Take A Bike Hike

, , , | Right | June 12, 2018

(I work in a local bicycle shop. We sell bicycles, parts, and service, but do not buy from the public. We get the following phone call at least once daily.)

Me: “Thanks for calling [Shop]. How can I help you?”

Customer: “Do y’all buy bikes?”

Me: “No, we don’t, sorry. You might try posting on Craigslist or eBay.”

Customer: “Oh. Well, I have a [year] [Model]. How much is that worth?”

Me: “I’m not sure. We usually just look them up on Craigslist or eBay to see what they sell for locally.”

Customer: “So, how much can I get for it?”

Me: “Let me just Google that for you.”

Customer: *uncomfortable silence*

Me: “…”

Customer: *recording* “We’re sorry, but the number you have dialed is no longer…”

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His Biking Days Are Numbered

, , , , | Right | March 31, 2018

(A guy brings a bike in that needs a wheel and service. I take his name and phone number and write on the job card. I do the repair, but the customer never shows up to collect. I ring the number on the job card and an old lady answers. She says it is her son’s bike and she will tell him. That afternoon the guy shows up. I assume he is here to pay and collect, but instead he demands to know how I got that number.)

Me: “You gave it to me.”

Customer: “No! I never give out that number!”

Me: “Well, this is the number you gave me when you bought the bike in.”

Customer: “NO, I never give out that number, and I demand to know how you got it.”

Me: “You gave me it.”

Customer: “NO, I never give out that number, so tell me how you got it!”

Me: “Maybe I guessed your phone number!”

Customer: “No, how did you get that number?”

Me: “Are you going to pay the bill and take the bike?”

Customer: “No! Not until you tell me how you got that number.”

(I bring the customer service slip out.)

Me: “Just f*** off. You are wasting your time and mine.”

Customer: “You haven’t heard the last of this!”

(I had. We sold his bike to cover the cost of the bill and never saw him again.)

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They’re Not The Brightest Light In The Place

, , , , , | Right | January 24, 2018

(I work in a bicycle repair shop diagnosing issues. A customer and I are trying to work out the issue with his bike when an older woman pushes her way to the front of the line and starts screaming at me.)

Older Woman: “I can’t use your bloody bathroom! What’s wrong with this place?!”

(I say, “Excuse me,” to my current customer and turn to the woman.)

Me: “What seems to be the problem, ma’am?”

Older Woman: “Your stupid lights in the bathroom are reversed.”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Older Woman: “I go into the bathroom and the lights are on, and when I flip the switch, it goes dark!”

Me: “Are you sure–“

Older Woman: “I will stand here all day unless you fix it now!”

(I go into the bathroom and flip the switch off, so when she walks in, she’ll flip the light on. After going to the bathroom, she comes back to the desk, and once again interrupts the customer:)

Older Woman: “Here I was thinking you had to be bright to fix one of these bikes. But you don’t even know to get a proper light in the bathroom!”

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