Many Hats, But An Empty Head

, , , | Right | April 16, 2009

(We were having a sale on used DVDs. The price reductions were delayed in the computer system download, so we had to re-price every item manually. A customer came up with several used movies for purchase.)

Me: “All right, sir, your total is $249.75.”

Customer: “What? Did you miss some? I added it up, it should be more.”

Me: *after checking* “No, sir. We’re in the middle of doing our price changes, so all the movies you have that are marked $12.99 each are actually marked down to $9.99 each.”

Customer: “What? That’s illegal. The price sticker has to have the correct price on it.”

Me: “Sir, as I said, we’re in the process of re-stickering all of the DVDs. The 25 movies you’re buying are actually cheaper than you thought they would be.”

Customer: “But they’re priced wrong. That’s illegal.”

Me: “Sir, I can assure you we are doing nothing illegal, and if you’d like–”

Customer: “It is illegal! I’M A LAWYER!”

Me: “Okay… I can adjust the price so that the movies are all $12.99 instead of $9.99 if you’re really angry about saving $75.00. Is that what you want me to do?”

Customer: “Well, no.”

Me: “What would you like me to do then?”

Customer: “I think I should get some free movies.”

Me: “Sir, I’m not giving you any free movies.”

Customer: “I’m a lawyer. It’s illegal. You need to give me five free movies or I’m calling the authorities.”

Me: “Sir, I’m not giving you anything for free. As it is, you thought the price of these DVDs was much more than it turned out to be, so you’re already getting a deal…”

Customer: “I don’t care. This is horrible service! This is no way to run a business. If I ran my restaurant this way, I’d be out of business!”

Me: “So, are you a lawyer or a restauranteur?”

Customer: “…”

Me: “Would you like to pay for the movies, or would you like me to cancel the sale?”

Customer: *hands over credit card*

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Dirty Deeds For Dirt Cheap Clothes

, , | Right | April 1, 2009

(A customer walks out of our fitting rooms holding a top, and she has an angry look on her face.)

Customer: “This top is dirty. Can I get a discount?”

Me: “It just looks like some of your makeup has rubbed off on it; I’m sure it will come out in the wash.”

Customer: “It isn’t makeup; can you give me a discount?”

Me: “Uh, I’m pretty sure it is.”

Customer: *getting louder* “It’s not okay! I dropped it on the ground and stood on it!”

Me: “You stood on it and made it dirty, and you want a discount?”

Customer: “…I’ll just go get another size then…”

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And The Cycle Starts Anew

, , | Right | March 31, 2009

(A customer stomps into my store and starts yelling at me.)

Customer: “I had an allergic reaction to a [Specific Drink] from the store in [Other Location] and the manager there said I could have whatever I wanted here for free.”

Me: “I’m sorry to hear about that. Do you have a receipt?”

Customer: “I had to drive out to [Hospital] last night and I was there until four in the morning! The people at [Other Location] said I could have anything I wanted! I had an allergic reaction!”

Me: “Well, then… what would you like?”

Customer: “I want two [Specific Drink]s…”

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One Scamwich, Coming Right Up

, | Right | March 31, 2009

Customer: “Yeah, we were in earlier and ordered two turkey sandwiches, a ham sandwich, and a club sandwich, all a foot long. There were flies in them so I want you to give me a refund.”

Manager: “There were flies in your sandwiches?”

Customer: “Yes, it was gross. I want my money back!”

Manager: “Well, where are the sandwiches? Why didn’t you bring them right back?”

Customer: “I was already home by the time we opened them.”

Manager: “Well, do you have your receipt?”

Customer: “No! I just want my money back. There were flies in my sandwiches!”

Manager: “Sir, I’m going to have to check and make sure there was an order that matches before I can see about a refund.”

Customer: “…huh?” *long pause, then hurries out of the store*


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I Can Thieve Clearly Now

, , , | Right | March 25, 2009

Customer: “I need to bring back these reading glasses. They’re broken.”

Me: “Okay, do you have the receipt for them?”

(The customer hands me a receipt from nine months earlier.)

Me: “This receipt is a little past our thirty-day return policy. May I have a look at the glasses?”

Customer: “Yeah, well, they’re clearly broken, and I never used them, so you need to make an exception for me.”

(I see that the glasses have clearly had the packaging removed and haphazardly put back on. They also have grease marks all over the lenses.)

Me: “Okay, well, I can’t take these back for a number of reasons: They were bought nine months ago, we don’t carry this style anymore, and they have been clearly opened and used.”

Customer: “No, they’re not used! You can’t get that package back on them!”

Me: “It’s tricky, but you can get it back on. I’ve had to re-package them on a few occasions.”

Customer: “NO, YOU CAN’T! I HAD A HARD ENOUGH TIME GETTING THE PACKAGE OFF!”

Me: “…”

(The customer realized what they just said, then turned and sheepishly walked out.)

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