(I just arrived with a group of friends at a restaurant during their busy lunch time. After a short wait, the waitress takes us to our table, but we arrive to find that there are two dirty dishes, a spill of sauce, and wadded up napkins on the table.)

Hostess: “Hey. I thought you cleared this table.”

Busser: “Yeah, getting there. Hold on.”

(The hostess apologizes and asks us to wait a moment, but we are sort of standing near the aisle where servers come out of the kitchen, so we finally sit to get out of the way. The whole time, the busser is nearby, rolling silverware. A few minutes later, our server comes over.)

Server: “Oh, was your table not cleaned off?”

Me: “No, the hostess said someone would be over, but…”

Server: “I’m really sorry. I’ll fix this.” *to busser* “Hey, you missed another table over here.”

Busses: “I know! I’m busy!”

(Our waitress fetches a damp rag to clean the spill, throws out the trash, and then takes our order and fetches us silverware. Soon, our appetizers come out. We are almost done eating them when the busser finally shows up.)

Busser: “What? Too impatient to wait for me?”

Me: “Just hungry! The server cleaned it up.”

Busser: “But she didn’t sanitize the tabletop. You people are gross. Here.”

(The busser started to spray some kind of sanitizer all over the table AND our appetizers. We immediately asked for the manager. Our meal was comped, so we tipped the full cost of the meal for the remaining employees who had to put up with a bad busser!)

(While we are filing our 2016 income tax returns, our accountant discovers that someone stole my Social Security Number and attempted to file this return. It is one of the rare times I am glad we were not expecting a tax refund. Our accountant suggests we complete the following three steps. One, file an identity theft alert with the Internal Revenue Service; two, sign up for fraud and theft alert with the three national credit monitoring companies; and three, file a police report. Steps #1 and #2 are easily completed; then, we have this experience with Step #3:)

Police Officer: “Hello, you have reached the non-emergency phone number. What is your concern or problem?”

Me: “We’ve just found out that someone tried to file a tax return under my SSN, and our accountant suggested we file a police report.”

Police Officer: *long sigh* “Well, you can just call 911 and request a police officer to do it at your home.”

Me: “I just want to make sure I heard correctly. You’re suggesting I call 911 to file this identity-theft claim? But I though 911 was just for emergencies.”

Police Officer: “Yes, it is for emergencies. If you felt this concern was an emergency, this is a quicker way to file this type of police report.”

Me: “No, it is not an emergency; my wallet and purse were not stolen. Someone tried to fraudulently file a tax return with my SSN.”

Police Officer: *another sigh* “Okay, ma’am. You and your husband can come to the police station and file your report there.”

(Somehow, I am not comforted that my local tax dollars would be used to cover the 911 expenses of filing a non-emergency police report!)

(I am in a supermarket with my mother. She swipes an empty, non-shoplifted cola can from my hand and stuffs it on a shelf.)

Me: “Mother!”

Mother: *hushed tone* “It’s their job to pick it up.”

Me: “That’s because there are people like you who can’t be bothered to put trash in the trash can!”

Mother: “There’s no trash can!”

Me: *points to trash can* “There’s one, like, ten feet away, just over there!”

(This isn’t the only thing about shopping we disagree on; I used to put back things other customers had decided they didn’t need and left in some random section of the store, to make the employee’s jobs easier, and she was annoyed to no end by this. I don’t do it anymore. The way I see it, if you leave baby formula in the booze section, you deserve judgement by strangers, but she’s not a fun person to shop with when she has plenty of time to do it.)

(I’m running the self-checkouts during a busy time and this man calls me over.)

Customer: “Do you think I can scan this, even though the clearance sticker is covering the barcode?”

(He holds up a big Santa plate.)

Me: “Yeah, shouldn’t be a problem. If it is, just remove the clearance sticker a little so the lines of the barcode are exposed.”

Customer: “Well, you should just do it for me, since you clearly know how.”

Me: “Uh…”

(I look around to make sure no other customers are having issues, quickly scan it, and hand it back to him so he can decide how he wants it bagged. It is quite fragile, and I’m not sure.)

Customer: *looks at the plate after taking it back* “So, you got anything to bag this in?”

Me: “We have plastic bags.” *points at the plastic bags on the self-checkout*

Customer: “Okay. You bag it, then!”

(I wonder if he wanted me to pay for him, as well.)

(My family is vacationing in the Ozarks, and we drive past a music store. My brother asks my dad to stop, as he is in the market for a new pedal for one of his guitars. There is only one man working there when we walk in. My brother asks him if he has a certain pedal in stock, or at least one that can do the effect he is looking for.)

Man: “Hmm. I’m not sure. I’ve never heard of anything like that. Hang on one second.”

(The owner walks around the desk, picks up the phone, and makes a call. I assume he is calling his boss or their guitar part supplier. NOPE! He orders a pizza! After his food has been ordered, he walks away and starts straightening up. My family just stands there, looking perplexed. After a few seconds, he notices my family is still there and looks surprised.)

Man: “Oh, did you need something else?”

Brother: “Apparently not.”