I am a sound engineer for live music, aka a sound guy. I am non-binary and don’t dress like the typical sound guy. Today, I am wearing a square dance-style skirt. I’m medium-sized — a little small for a guy, and a little large for a girl — so people assume I’m a woman.

I’m walking through a venue carrying a piano keyboard for a musician. A tall man walks up behind me.

Man: “The sound guy wouldn’t want you to be carrying that.”

Before I can react, he is holding the keyboard without breaking stride.

Me: “Who the h*** are you? I have never met you. Hand that back.”

Man: “You can’t just show up and mess with other people’s equipment.”

Me: “Neither can you? Give it back.”

Man: “Really, only the sound guy should be carrying this. I’ll just find him.”

Me: “You found him, and you are correct. Give it back.”

He stops walking and looks around.

Man: “It’s just the two of us here.”

Me: “Hello, I’m the sound guy. Please don’t touch other people’s equipment. Hand that keyboard back.”

He is too tall for me to just take it without risking dropping it.

Man: “You can’t be a sound guy; you’re a girl!”

Me: “Are you sure about that?”

Man: “I’ve never seen a sound guy who looks like you before.”

Just then, a male musician from the band walks up.

Me: “Hi, [Musician], I’m your sound guy for the evening!”

Musician: “That’s great! Good to meet you! Where are we setting up?”

Me: “As soon as this complete stranger hands the keyboard back, I’ll join you. I’ve set some chairs out for y’all over there.” *Points at the stage*

The man looks at me. The musician looks at the man.

Man: “You see something new every day! Wow! Hey, do you find you are treated differently for being a sound gal?”

My jaw might have literally dropped.

Musician: “Hey, man, can I take that keyboard?”

Man: “Oh, sure.”

He hands it off, still staring at me.

Man: “A sound gal, huh? And you’re so small! How do you even lift things?”

Me: “I don’t like you. Don’t disrespect me again. I have to work now. You can return for the concert.”

Man: “Return?”

Me: “Well, you have to leave first. Bye.”

And then I walked away. This only happens a few times a year, but it’s never surprised me. Luckily, it’s funny.

I work in customer service where I meet clients in real life. I hardly ever have issues, and I like my job. A cheerful man comes inside.

Cheerful Man: “Hello, ladies, I’m here to deliver something! Or actually, I’m going to rob you, hahaha!”

Coworker: *Fake laughing* “I hope not. That would really dampen our day!”

Cheerful Man: “Oh, well, then I guess I have to call off my friends, haha!”

He sees that I’m not smiling.

Cheerful Man: “Don’t worry; I’m just joking!”

Me: “I hope so. I wouldn’t want to relive that moment.”

Cheerful Man: “Eh, what? You’ve been robbed?”

Me: “Yup. And I can’t recommend it. I didn’t really enjoy the experience.”

Cheerful Man: “Oh, and did they use violence?”

Me: “Yes, they did, so I’m very glad you are nothing like them. How can we help you?”

He gives me a form, which I copy for him. Everything else goes calmly and normally, but when he leaves:

Cheerful Man: *Mumbling* “It was a really good joke…”

No, dude, it was not. And yes, I was robbed for real; I didn’t lie. And I also didn’t lie that I can’t recommend the experience.

I once worked at a department store, and I was the only cashier on the women’s side. I really needed to use the washroom, and when my manager came around, I let her know.

Manager: “Run.”

I wanted to quit that day.

She now operates another store in the chain, and she is still a miserable human from what I’m told.

I’m in a supermarket, making my selection amongst a variety of pastries, when a fellow shopper approaches me, asking for help.

Fellow Shopper: “Hi. Do you happen to know where the four-packs of [product] are?”

Me: “No, I’m sorry. I only ever buy them one at a time.“

I look around a little with her, but we don’t find what she’s looking for. I go back to my selection while she continues searching and muttering to herself. Some of the muttering is somewhat addressed to me, so I smile and make vague positive noises in response.

Fellow Shopper: “Hey! I found them!”

Me: “Oh, good for you!”

I smile and nod before returning to my shopping.

Fellow Shopper: “Look, they were just here!”

Me: “Uh-huh.“

I’m progressively getting farther and farther from her, looking at the products on the shelves, while she’s still rejoicing over her four-pack. At some point, I squarely turn my back to her — not quite on purpose, just because that’s where my shopping took me — and stop responding to her.

That’s when she changes tactics and starts that passive-aggressive move of muttering to herself in a tone loud enough to be clearly heard by the object of her ire.

Fellow Shopper: “Huh! So rude! I’m just trying to help her! She could at least have said ‘thanks’!”

That was the point when I completely stopped worrying about offending her and just walked away because you can’t argue with crazy.

Lady, I didn’t come to you; you came to me. I didn’t need your product, I told you so before searching, and I still didn’t take it after you had found it. But sure, I’m the one who should thank you for the privilege of trying to help you.

Customer: “Excuse me, but do you know my wife’s birthday?”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Customer: “I don’t know my wife’s birthday, and she was acting strange this morning, so I think it might be today. We have a joint loyalty card, so can I check her date of birth on that?”

I check the security credentials and they match, and we confirm his wife’s birthday.

Customer: “Well, that’s over six months away! I wonder why she was upset with me this morning?”

Me: “Could it be your wedding anniversary?”

Customer: “Oh… it could be. When is my anniversary?”

Me: “I… I don’t know, sir.”

Customer: “You’re not being very helpful.”

Me: “Maybe just buy some chocolates and a blank card just in case today is your anniversary… or another special occasion you might have forgotten?”

Customer: “What’s the cheapest box of chocolates you have?”

I can’t imagine why his wife could ever be so upset.

Some couples bicker more than others, but it can be alarming how often poor retail staff are dragged into their disputes, just like in these 14 Hilarious Stories About Bickering Couples!