I have worked in an auto parts store for many years and am used to two types of clueless customers. The first kind is, “I need [unknown] part for my car — the red one.” The others are the ones who have been pranked to come into the store and ask for blinker fluid or muffler bearings. I don’t know which type this lady is when she comes in and, before I can even greet her, says, “Air.”
Me: “Beg your pardon?”
Customer: “Air! Ya know, A-I-R. Air.”
She is waving her hands about as if bringing air to herself.
Me: “We have cans of air for inflating flat tires and a few small cans of air for blowing out electronic parts. Is either of these what you want?”
Customer: “Just air! Do you know what air is? I know that these places hire the most ignorant people on earth, but surely you know what air is!”
Me: “Please, ma’am, yes, I know what air is. What do you need it for? Putting in tires, blowing dust from electronic parts, or what?”
Customer: “Well, aren’t you special? Do you have any idea what month it is?”
Me: “Yes, it is October.”
Customer: “Well…”
Me: “I’m sorry, I guess I must be too stupid to follow your train of thought. I don’t understand the connection. Please educate me.”
Customer: “It’s October. Summer is over. It is well into fall!”
Now I know that she is definitely of the second type of clueless.
Me: “Oh, you must want winter air in your tires. Take out the summer air and put in winter air, is that right?”
Customer: “Well, at last! Your feeble brain has made that connection, congratulations. Now get me the air!“
Me: “Well, this is a parts store and we don’t service tires. I could sell you an air compressor for you to change your own air, but I can’t change your air for you. Now, the compressors we have are—”
Customer: “Stop! Do I look like someone who changes my own air?”
Me: *Playing along* “I don’t know. What does someone who changes their own air look like? I’m kind of new at this.”
Customer: “Stupid idiot! You take out the summer air and put in the winter air, or is that too difficult for you?”
Me: “I don’t do that here. I only sell parts. You can go to any tire store and have them take out the summer air and put in winter air, though. There are several tire stores in the area. I can look them up for you if you wish.”
Customer: “Excuse me! Air is ‘parts’! Now get on it!”
I am just through with her.
Me: “Excuse me? I’m sorry, but there is no excuse for you, your attitude, or your stupidity. There is no such thing as summer air or winter air. Someone has pranked you. And now you are wasting my time. Please leave.”
Customer: “I’m going to tell my husband and he will come here and take care of you. He’s the one who told me to come here. I guess you think he is stupid, too?!”
Me: “Look, your husband has pranked you. Now, please leave. I’m busy with real customers.”
The lady screamed something incomprehensible at me and tried to rush out the entrance, which wouldn’t open. She tried, again and again, to force the door open. I just pointed to the exit door, which she finally found, and she left.
