Guest: “How much for one of your hotel rooms?”

Me: *gives price*

Guest: “How about if I only pay [another price]?”

Me: “Sorry, sir, I can’t do that. We’re almost sold out and I can’t reduce room rates when we’re almost sold out.”

Guest: “Do you really think you’re going to sell this room anytime tonight?”

Me: “Yes, I will. I’m the only hotel in the area with rooms left and other hotels are sending their overflow guests to me. I’ll sell this room in the next half hour.”

Guest: “Oh, come on!”

Me: “Plus there’s a concert tonight and I’m getting a lot of concert goers coming in to get a room.”

Guest: “But the concert is over! I just came from the concert myself!”

Me: “And here you are!”

This story is part of the Customer Complaints That Resolve Themselves roundup! This is the last story in the roundup, but we have plenty of others you might enjoy!

17 Awful Customers Ordering Food

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Me: “Hello, this is [My Name].”

Caller: “I want to get my money back on a laptop I bought.”

Me: “What’s wrong with it?”

Caller: “Nothing’s wrong. My mom won’t let me put Internet on my laptop, so I don’t want it anymore.”

Me: “I don’t give refunds. My warranty only covers breaks.”

Caller: “So, if I break it you will give me my money back?”

This story is part of the Extreme Refunders roundup!

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Me: “Hi, how may I help you?”

Customer: “I’d like to swap the hard drive from this old laptop into my new one.”

Me: “Okay, not a problem.”

(I ring her up and start work on switching the hard drives. I notice on the old laptop there is a band-aid over the webcam. After finishing work on it, the lady grabs the band-aid from the old computer and puts it over the webcam on the new one.)

Customer: “I put that there so they can’t watch me.”

This story is part of our customer conspiracy theorists roundup!

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(A customer has asked me to spell the name of the city, Indianapolis.)

Me: “I-n-d..”

Customer: “I-m-b…”

Me: “No, I’m sorry, that was I-n-d…”

Customer: “I-n-b…”

Me: “That’s d, like dog.”

Customer: “Oh. Okay.”

Me: “Okay… you got that?”

Customer: “I got it.”

Me: “…i-a-n…”

Customer: “…i-a-m…”

Me: “That was an n, like Nancy.”

Customer: “I have I-m-b-i-n-d-o-k-i-a-m-n.”

Me: “Let’s start at the beginning.”

Customer: “Oh. Okay.”

Me: “I-n-d…”

Customer: “I-n-d?”

Me: “Yes. …i-a-n…”

Customer: “All right, now I have I-n-d-i-a-m-i-m-b-i-n-d-o-k-i-a-m-n – is that how you spell Minneapolis?”

Me: “No. It is not.”

Customer: “Must be all them funny Indian letters. Okay, I’ll send this to you. Goodbye.”

This story is part of the Bad With English roundup!

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(The customer rips the lid off of the shake I just handed her and frowns.)

Customer: “What is this?”

Me: “That’s a vanilla shake.”

Customer: “No, it isn’t. I want a vanilla shake.”

Me: “Well, I made it myself so I promise you it’s vanilla. Would you like me to remake it?”

Customer: “No, I just want a vanilla shake! This doesn’t look like vanilla at all. It’s all yellow.”

Me: “Ah, the vanilla syrup gives the shake a yellow tinge. It’s supposed to look like that.”

Customer: “Oh, it’s not ME you have to convince, it’s the seven-year-old in the car. He won’t be happy!”