(This takes place at a US government agency. We’ve released an RFQ for a major computer purchase: one new large mainframe system replacing two smaller and much older systems. I’m the sysadmin for all three. It’s currently October of 1994.)

Me: “I’m going to need some help with the migration when the new machine gets here. I want either Bill or Dave to assist me.”

Boss: “It won’t be here for a while, right?”

Me: “Right, not until March. I just wanted to give you a little lead time on getting an assistant, so you could arrange it with their manager.”

Boss: “Okay. Remind me again when it gets a little closer to the time.”

Me: “No prob…”

(January, 1995)

Me: “The contract for the new machine has been awarded. You asked me to remind you about getting an assistant.”

Boss: “Okay, I’ll take care of it.”

(February, 1995)

Me: “They’re starting to build the machine. It should ship early next month. I still need an assistant.”

Boss: “Okay, I’ll take care of it.”

(March, 1995)

Me: “The machine is being shipped tomorrow. I still need an assistant.”

Boss: “Okay, I’ll take care of it.”

(Late March, 1995)

Me: “The machine is on our receiving dock. I still need an assistant.”

Boss: “Okay, I’ll take care of it.”

(End of March, 1995)

Me: “The machine is in the computer room. They’re starting to hook up the power. I still need an assistant.”

Boss: “Okay, I’ll take care of it.”

(April, 1995)

Me: “The machine’s up and running. I still need an assistant.”

Boss: “Okay, I’ll take care of it.”

(May, 1995)

Me: “The machine’s been running for a month, and I’ve begun the migration, but I still need an assistant.”

Boss: “Okay, I’ll take care of it…”

(September, 1995)

Boss: “Why aren’t you finished yet?!”

(I work at a hotel doing housekeeping, laundry, and generally other things that need help. As I’m exchanging a guest’s towels, her friend comes out and seems really frustrated.)

Guest: “Um, do you guys actually wash the pillows here?”

Me: “Yes, ma’am. I can assure you that all the pillows in here are clean.”

Guest: “Obviously they’re clean! But do you wash them?”

Me:  “Uh… yes, we do.”

Guest:  “I knew it! THAT’S WHY THE PILLOWS ARE TOO G** D*** FLUFFY!”

Me:  “I’m sorry to hear that you were uncomfortable. Sometimes guests that are more used to things from their house bring their own pillows.”

Guest: “And why the h*** would I do that?! All you d*** people would just steal it and make it fluffy!”

(A customer is in the produce section and selects a 10 lb. bag of potatoes. She’ll actually save money if she buys two 5 lb. bags of potatoes, due to a buy one, get one free deal.)

Me: “Ma’am, our 5 lb. bags of potatoes are buy one, get one free this week.”

(The customer looks back and forth between her 10 lb. and the two 5lb. bags. She is clearly confused.)

Customer: “I’m sorry, but my family would never eat that many potatoes!”

(A customer calls in to check the status of his glasses. They have been here for several months because he hasn’t paid his balance in full. His account is therefore in collections.)

Me: “Thank you for selecting [Store]. This is [My Name]. How can I help you?”

Customer: “I want my glasses. My name is [My Name]. They need to be shipped to my new address.”

Me: *checks for his glasses* “Okay, sir, it appears you have an unpaid balance on your account. Your glasses were sent to Corporate for an unpaid fee and for not picking them up within sixty days.”

Customer: “Why do I have a balance?! I can’t see and you are rude! Give me the glasses. Here is the address….”

(The customer gives his new address, which happens to be out of state.)

Me: “Sir, I apologize for the inconvenience. Let me take down your information and give you a call back.”

Customer: “Fine! You are awful at your job. I got glasses and now you’re keeping them from me. You want me to suffer?!”

Me: “No, sir. Let me call you back.”

(I find out the customer is not eligible for his insurance and he now owes the full balance for his glasses. There’s nothing I can do, but I call him back to inform him.)

Customer: “What do you mean I don’t have insurance?! I just used it last week. This is ridiculous! Are you that stupid?! Send me my glasses TODAY! Now!”

Me: “Sir, there’s nothing I can do. You owe $130.98 for the glasses. You have to pay it before we can get them to—”

Customer: “Why do you need those glasses so much? You can’t afford to send them to me? What kind of business is this?!”

Me: “I have no control over your insurance and I don’t know what you want me to do. Either pay for the glasses or call back when you can.”

Customer: “I demand my glasses now!”

Me: “You have Indiana Medicaid and now you live in another state. Maybe that’s why you are no longer insured. You want me to send you a free pair of glasses and be insured by a state you no longer live in?”

Customer: “Yes! Do it.”

Me: “Sorry, I can’t do it even if I wanted to.”

Customer: “But I’m blind! I can’t see anything.”

Me: “Sir, you have the lowest possible prescription that we make glasses for.”

Customer: *click*

(He calls back every day for two weeks and curses everyone out, including my manager. Thankfully, he eventually pays the balance.)

(I sometimes cover shifts in another store in our region. A customer had come in on one of my shifts at the other store. She was mad because we didn’t stock her size in a pair of pants and I had been unable to find another pair in our stock room. She now comes into my normal store the next day.)

Customer: “Do you have these pants in [size]?”

Me: “I can look it up in our system for you.”

Customer: “That’s what the girl at [other store] did. She was so rude and lazy!”

Me: “Was she?”

Customer: “Yes! She said she had them, and then couldn’t find them. She was a real cow.”

Me: “Actually, ma’am, our system is often wrong. I did the best I could to find the pants for you the other day. I’m sorry that you feel that way.”

(The customer then realizes who she’s talking to. She is speechless.)

Me: “Unfortunately, we don’t carry the pants in [size] in this particular store either. So sorry I couldn’t find them again.”

(The customer leaves without a word.)

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