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What A Female Dog!

, , , , , , , , | Learning | November 21, 2017

I went to a Catholic school, and in sixth and seventh grade I had a religion teacher who was nice enough, but a bit strict when it came to religious beliefs. One day, she told us a story about a young student whose dog had died the previous night. He told her about it while crying, and ended it by saying, “At least I’ll see him in Heaven.”

Her response? “Dogs don’t go to Heaven. Heaven is only for those with souls, and animals don’t have souls.” Cue a renewed bout of crying.

She told us this story to highlight the idea that his parents should have told him the truth, rather than let him falsely believe something that wasn’t true. Even then, I found it a bit cruel to tell a grieving eight-year-old that they’ll never see their beloved pet again, and I found it difficult to believe that animals have no souls. Today, I attribute a lot of my experiences at that school to my current semi-agnostic stance on religion.

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On The Need For Hazard Apple Pay

, , , , , | Right | November 10, 2017

(We have the card readers that you can tap your card on, or use a peer-to-peer payment app from your smartphone.)

Customer: *noticing card reader* “Oh! Does [Payment App] work on this?”

Me: “It works most of the time.”

Customer: *successfully uses card reader* “Ooooh! That was amazing. It gave me the tingles. Was it good for you?”

Me: *moves back from counter* “Thanks for coming in. Have a great day.”

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Jokes Are Your Real Calling

, , , , , | Right | October 23, 2017

(I work in an outbound call center. Customers fill out information online and we, along with others in our industry, then make calls… a lot of them. This leads to a lot of people getting irate. Sometimes we win them over; sometimes we can’t. This guy, though…)

Me: “Hi, is this [Customer]?”

Customer: “You are the ninth person to call me!”

Me: “I’m the ninth caller? Do I win the car?”

(This brought him to a stop and made him laugh. While he and I did have a good conversation, ultimately, we weren’t able to help him. Call of the day, though!)

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Breakfast In Cougartown

, , , , , | Working | October 20, 2017

(I am about six feet and seven inches tall, 17 years old, and a guy, while my mom is about five feet and five inches tall, and 42 years old. My face is almost identical to hers, so it’s obvious we are related. My mom and I are going out to eat breakfast. Everything is going well; our server is attentive and our food is perfect. When it comes time to pay, this happens:)

Server: *looks at me with the check* “I’m just going to give you the check, if that’s all right. You are in no rush! You two enjoy!”

(I take a peek at the check, and it’s around twenty five or so dollars, not bad for the size meal we had. We finish up our meal and our server checks up on us one last time before we go to the register.)

Server: *gestures to me* “He’s paying right?”

(My mom always insists on paying for the check so she just laughs.)

Mom: “Nope! Not a dime this time!”

Server: *turns back to me* “Some lousy boyfriend you are!”

(It now dawns on both of us what our server was thinking: that my mom, at 42, would date a guy as young as I am. My mom and I both rush to explain and we all share a laugh about it. Later, when we’ve paid.)

Me: “Did… did she call you a cougar?”

Mom: “I guess so! Man, I like ’em young, don’t I?”

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You’re Oil, She’s Water

, , , , | Right | October 14, 2017

(A customer is walking through the spice aisle, looking confused. She looks to be in her late twenties.)

Me: “Miss, can I help you?

Customer: “Yeah… What is this?” *she points to a bottle of olive oil*

Me: “That is olive oil, ma’am.”

Customer: “What does it do?”

Me: “It’s used for cooking, and used on pasta, or dips for bread.”

Customer: “You can cook with it?”

Me: “Yes, you can.”

Customer: “Oh. What is it made from?”

Me: “Olives, ma’am.”

Customer: “Oh… what are olives?”

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