I am working handing out food in a drive-thru. The restaurant has a machine that fills all soft drinks, but it just puts ice in a cup for iced tea, and we have to fill the tea ourselves. The counter space in front of the machine is just a little wider than two large drinks, and someone has ordered two large sweet teas. I put them on the counter… and manage to knock one of them off.

And it lands squarely on its lid.

I pick it up quickly, and somehow it has managed to not spill and the lid isn’t damaged. Amazed at my good luck, I breathe a sigh of relief and hand it to the car outside…

…and knock over the other cup doing so, spilling sticky tea all over the floor.

Me: “Man, I scraped my finger a few days ago, and it’s really annoying me.”

Friend: “Let me see.”

I show him the tiny scrape on my ring finger.

Friend: “Oh, that’s really small. You’re fine.”

Me: “Yeah, except it’s in the exact spot that I put the most pressure on when writing, so it hurts when I write.”

Friend: “Oh, so it’s, ‘On a scale of one to ten, how do rate your pain?’ ‘Pi. It’s small, but it goes on forever.’”

I spent my senior year working at a fast food restaurant. I did well there and didn’t have too many problems with coworkers or customers, but a few weeks into working there, I was a little disconcerted when I heard this from managers who were discussing scheduling.

Manager: “Is [Employee] coming back?”

Manager-In-Training: “No, she left.”

Manager: “And she’s definitely gone?”

Manager-In-Training: “She threw her uniform shirt in the garbage. I don’t think she’s coming back.”

I work at a major bank as a teller. A middle-aged couple comes in.

Customer: “We want to deposit some cash into our account.”

The cash they want to deposit is a fake $5,000 bill on yellow paper with golden-colored foil and a picture of former president Donald Trump on it.

I honestly think that this is a joke, so I start laughing really hard, but they get angry.

Customer: “That bill came directly from Trump, and as such, it is legitimate! We were told that we could deposit it at any bank with either ‘US’ or ‘America’ in its name!”

Me: “Sir, ma’am, Trump has no authority to issue bills, and this is probably intended to be some sort of souvenir.”

They storm out in a rage.

Customer: “We’re going to bring this to another bank! That one will have ‘America’ in its name!”

Clearly, our bank with “US” in the name wasn’t American enough because it was just “US” and not “USA”.

I wished them luck on their way out the door, but that only seemed to make them angrier.

In Spanish class, we’re learning about food, as well as words relating to food. We did an assignment imagining someone asking for advice on what food-related choices to make and what we should say to them.

Assignment: *In Spanish* “The fresh/healthy food costs a lot, and I only have a little money. What healthy food can I buy on a limited budget?”

Student: *In Spanish* “Steal it!”